May 2010

Dirt Bag

by Bill Brenner May 28, 2010 Mental disorders

The author admits he’s not a very good person when he lets the demons out. Mood music for this post: “A Rat Like Me” by Motley Crue: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CgiMffbYz1c&hl=en_US&fs=1&] A liar. A hater. Thinking you’re better than other people. These actions describe me pretty well. Not so much today, Thank God. But when the addictions are out of control and the OCD is on full burn, this is who I become. That’s why I have to…  [Read More]

Prozac Summer, Part 2: Timing’s Everything

by Bill Brenner May 27, 2010 Depression

The author has a meeting with Dr. Prozac, and learns a couple things about dosage and timing. Turns out the two are connected. Mood music for this post: “Show Me How to Live” by Audioslave: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vVXIK1xCRpY&hl=en_US&fs=1&] So I’m back from an appointment with Dr. Prozac, who I introduced you to this morning. I’m staying at the lower dose of Prozac until Aug. 1, then she wants me back on my winter dosage. This surprised me….  [Read More]

Prozac Summer

by Bill Brenner May 27, 2010 Depression

The author on the tricky balance between Prozac and sunlight. Mood music for this post: “Times Like These” by The Foo Fighters: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhzmNRtIp8k&hl=en_US&fs=1&] This post is a sequel to Prozac Winter, which I wrote back in January. Back then, I was experiencing some hefty mood swings, which is pretty normal for me at the start of winter. I was listening Nine Inch Nails a lot, which is never a good sign. My therapist and a…  [Read More]

Just a Little Patience

by Bill Brenner May 26, 2010 Addiction

I recently stumbled upon this live version of GnR’s “Patience” and wanted to post it here because it’s always been an inspirational song to me. Being an OCD-wired control freak with a knack for impatience and  endless attempts at recovery before I finally pulled it off, patience was a virtue I simply did not possess. It would be a stretch to say I’ve mastered it at this point in my life, but I at least…  [Read More]

It’s a Disease, Not a Choice

by Bill Brenner May 26, 2010 Addiction

An open letter to those who are angry with a loved one whose addictions are off the rails. Mood music: This is one of those posts where I’m leaving names out to protect privacy. Still, the person this is meant for will know it’s for them, and he/she will be pissed at me. But that’s OK, because I’m saying something that needs to be said. Right now, someone close to you has relapsed into alcoholism….  [Read More]

Shamed to Death

by Bill Brenner May 25, 2010 Fear and anxiety

Why do people with mental and physical illness choose a slow, painful death over recovery? Mood music for this post: “Estranged” by Guns N Roses: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dpmAY059TTY&hl=en_US&fs=1&] Last week I went on a tirade against firms putting limits on coverage for mental health care. It’s the same sorry song that ratchets up the fear level for those suffering from depression, OCD, bipolar disorder and the like, and The Boston Globe’s Kay Lazar shed light on a…  [Read More]

Pills Can’t Kill Pain at the Source

by Bill Brenner May 24, 2010 Addiction

The author has written much about his binge-eating addiction, but not so much about the pills — until now. Mood music for this post: “I Don’t Like the Drugs But the Drugs Like Me” by Marilyn Manson: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EefPcht54c&hl=en_US&fs=1&] A fellow addict in OA recently asked me how pills fit into my overall haze before I found recovery. She asked because when sharing my story I mention how taking Prednisone as a kid for Crohn’s Disease…  [Read More]

Howie Mandel Fights The Stigma

by Bill Brenner May 23, 2010 Courage

Truth be told, I’ve never been much of a Howie Mandel fan. I liked his brand of humor in the beginning but eventually lost interest. But I give him a lot of credit for being open about his own struggle with OCD and taking the fight to The Stigma: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xiZ84SZcPps&hl=en_US&fs=1&]

Hitting Bottom: Songs and Backstory

by Bill Brenner May 23, 2010 Addiction

Hitting bottom is the moment of truth for an addict, whether the shackles are made of heroin, booze or food. I’ve been there. You have a choice: Clean up your act or die a painful death that can be either quick or slow. People ask me all the time about my big moment. The answer is that there wasn’t that one dramatic moment of hitting bottom. It was more a series of bottoms. It was…  [Read More]

Prozac or Potatoes: Which is Better?

by Bill Brenner May 22, 2010 Food

The author votes for some of each. Though only 2 ounces of potato at a time. Mood music for this post: “We’re All Gonna Die” by Iggy Pop and Slash: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJ5Rmt7jYhQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&] At the suggestion of my friend Christy Hubbard, I decided to check out Kathleen Des Maisons’ book “Potatoes Not Prozac.” She suggested I take a look after reading a couple of my previous posts about being a Prozac taker. [More on that in The…  [Read More]