June 2010

The Love Story Continues (Happy Birthday, Erin)

by Bill Brenner June 30, 2010 Love

Today is my wife’s 39th birthday. Without her, I would be nowhere. My recovery from mental illness and addiction was only possible because of her. So in honor of this day, I’ve dug up THE POST on the two of us: Mood music for this post: “An Easterly View” by Bear McCreary, because nothing says love like a sweeping piece of music from Battlestar Gallactica: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmvNJiylUa0&hl=en_US&fs=1&] The Freak and the Redhead: A Love Story I wasn’t looking…  [Read More]

The Downward Spiral

by Bill Brenner June 29, 2010 Depression

I was going to start this with some amusing anecdote about how I’m suffering so others might be saved. Jesus already did that sort of thing, of course. Dopes like me think it’s good to suffer to benefit others, but it’s really just delusional thinking we engage in to feel better about ourselves when the chips are down.

Emotions That Come from a Strange Place

by Bill Brenner June 28, 2010 Depression

The author finds himself walking between depression and hope. A strange place to be. (Written during a depressive episode in 2010.) Mood music for this post: Henry Rollins’ “I Think I Know You” performed over “A Warm Place,” from Nine Inch Nails’ “Downward Spiral” album: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2CPIT4nsT24&hl=en_US&fs=1&] Yesterday was a perfect example of the strange place I’m in emotionally these days. It started well enough. A good Mass at church in the morning, a phone conversation…  [Read More]

Careful How You Help Others

by Bill Brenner June 27, 2010 Coping tools

The author on the need for boundaries when helping people in need. Mood music for this post: “Ten Years Gone,” The Black Crows with Jimmy Page: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWovzhNH4TQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&] Being someone who has benefited greatly from the kindness of others, I’m forever trying to pay it forward. One way I do this is by sponsoring people in my 12-Step Program. But if you don’t handle this blade carefully, it will cut you deep. That’s what I’m learning,…  [Read More]

Turning the Tables on Those Who Whine

by Bill Brenner June 26, 2010 Depression

The author has a low tolerance for those who bitch. But he’s about to do it anyway. Mood music for this post: “Thorn in My Pride” by The Black Crows: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5d-xq6q72cA&hl=en_US&fs=1&] This post is about whining and hypocrisy. For much of my adult life, I’ve had a low tolerance for people who whine about every little thing. I say adult life, because as a teenager all I did was whine. Facebook has become a favorite…  [Read More]

Putting the Fun in Dysfunction

by Bill Brenner June 25, 2010 Uncategorized

Why the author needs dysfunctional people in his life. Mood music for this post: “California Uber Alles” by The Dead Kennedys: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UW8UlY8eXCk&hl=en_US&fs=1&] In one of our many discussions over what she doesn’t like about me and my way of life, my mother often lamented that whatever she didn’t like was “just not normal.” Truth is, I don’t think I’ve ever met a normal person in my nearly 40 years on this planet. I prefer it…  [Read More]

If it Breaks, Let Someone Else Fix It

by Bill Brenner June 23, 2010 Depression

Two incidents illustrate the fault lines that remain with my personal brand of OCD. Mood music for this post: “Coming Undone” by Korn: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ioJ9ZHqzMT0&hl=en_US&fs=1&] “Fuck! Even in the future nothing works.” — Dark Helmet, on discovering that the cancel button for his ship’s self-destruct command was out of order. Yesterday was a bad day for our Internet to crash. I was working from home and had a lot of stuff to do. Today is a bad…  [Read More]

Addicted to Relationships: A Cautionary Tale

by Bill Brenner June 22, 2010 Addiction

The author on relationship dependency and the damage done. Mood music: Calling relationships an addiction may sound ridiculous on the surface. We need relationships. This post is about people who need to have a mate for their lives to have meaning. They’re so desperate to be part of a union that they get intense about it very quickly, squeeze too tight and become a dysfunctional mess when the inevitable implosion happens. Oh, yes. I’ve been…  [Read More]

Flour and Sugar: A Tale of Slavery

by Bill Brenner June 21, 2010 Addiction

The author has been asked how he gets by with no bread, pasta and all the other flour-sugar substances. Here’s his answer. Update: A recent New York Times Magazine article on sugar as a toxin is worth reading as a companion to this post. Article summary: “That it makes us fat is something we take for granted. That it might also be making us sick is harder to accept.” Mood music: A reader of this…  [Read More]

Notes on Being a Dad, a Son and Grandson

by Bill Brenner June 19, 2010 Children's issues

The author shares some writings on his father, grandfather and kids for Father’s Day. Mood music for this post: “Holiday in the Sun” by the Sex Pistols. Has nothing to do with the topic, but tomorrow is Father’s Day and I felt like hearing some Sex Pistols. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XWF9MMxnekQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&] Since it’s Father’s Day weekend, I thought the appropriate thing to post would be these items on my father, grandfather and my children… Snowpocalypse and the Fear…  [Read More]