The other day I wrote about having a bad morning, and how I was looking for a positive plot twist. The day did get better. How it did is a good case study in learning to roll with the punches.
Mood music:
Sequence of events:
I wrote that post to vent my spleen. That simple action went a long way in helping me feel better. Once I committed my frustrations to paper, so to speak, I succeeded in removing the toxins from my brain.
I queued up a bunch of my favorite rock, metal and punk songs and played them all day as I worked.
I managed to finish editing a compliance security document I want to make public for customers.
I took a walk from my office to the Charles River, enjoying the spring air and the Boston skyline.
I enjoyed free Mexican food the company gave out for Cinco de Mayo.
I delighted in some new flavor juices for my vaping pipe.
I found a radio station on iHeart Radio that proved perfect for the drive to get the kids from school.
I played guitar for a good two hours, focusing on all the AC/DC and Black Sabbath riffs I’ve been learning, along with some original stuff.
I read an inspiring Time magazine article on the construction of 1 World Trade Center from the ashes of Ground Zero.
I got a cool science lesson from my neighbor, who was kind enough to come discuss her work at my children’s Scout meeting. The virus samples she passed around were a hit.
All in all, a day that promised to be shitty turned out pretty good — because I didn’t let the bad attitude linger.
Ever since I wrote that post on how people misuse the word bully I’ve been soul searching. I felt as though I had done the very thing I was being critical of, but couldn’t put my finger on exactly what.
I was angry that someone told an overweight news anchor she’s a bad role model for children. As someone who has had a lifelong struggle with weight, I seethed. I praised the anchor, Jennifer Livingston, for standing up to the guy on air.
I still hold a lot of the same feelings. There are a variety of reasons people struggle with weight, and while there’s a lot of obesity fueled by laziness and bad behavior out there, I know many overweight people — myself included — who are anything but lazy. I also believe being a good role model to children is about a lot more than appearance.
Looking back at the on-air editorial Livingston made, the whole tirade is framed around her standing up to her bully. She talks about an “attack that’s not OK,” something that shouldn’t be allowed.
But while he attacked her and that was wrong, was he really being a bully?
Let’s look at some definitions:
American Heritage Dictionary: “To force one’s way aggressively or by intimidation”
Oxford Dictionaries Online: “Use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants”
Merriam-Webster: “To intimidate by an overbearing swaggering demeanor or by threats”
Macmillan: “To frighten or hurt someone who is smaller or weaker than you”
Wikipedia: “The use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively impose domination over others. The behavior is often repeated and habitual. One essential prerequisite is the perception, by the bully or by others, of an imbalance of social or physical power.
Stopbullying.gov: “Unwanted, aggressive behavior among school-aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. … Bullying includes actions such as making threats, spreading rumors, attacking someone physically or verbally, and excluding someone from a group on purpose.”
A lot of dictionaries note that to be a bully, you have to repeat these actions over time. The writer definitely insulted Livingston. His wording bordered on cruel. She’s not out of line to feel attacked.
But, as far as we know, the guy hasn’t repeatedly contacted her to keep the insults going, to get her to do what he wants, which is to lose weight or get off camera. He merely stated his opinion and moved on.
He wrote to Livingston:
Surely you don’t consider yourself a suitable example for this community’s young people, girls in particular. Obesity is one of the worst choices a person can make and one of the most dangerous habits to maintain.
He makes narrow-minded judgements. But if we used that as a metric, we’d all be bullies.
If I were Livingston, I would have told him:
He doesn’t know me well enough to call my obesity a choice.
There’s more to being a role model than appearance. If appearance made the difference, Winston Churchill would have been denied his rightful, heroic place in history.
Overweight people often hate to see themselves on TV. Making a career in television despite appearance is a form of courage in itself.
But after reading all these definitions, I wouldn’t have called him a bully.
This old bastard woke up angry this morning. For two hours, I’ve wanted to punch objects and shout at people. I’ve done neither, but I still suck to be around right now. The rest of the day need not be this way.
I keep thinking of a post I wrote a while back about life’s plot twists and the lessons therein. When problems arise, embrace them, I said at the time. Roll with the punches. Catch the curve balls. Clichés like that.
Mood music:
http://youtu.be/irskrVvKR1E
It’s good advice for someone like me, whose OCD makes schedule changes seem like calamities. But in that context, plot twists are all the inconvenient, annoying and bad things that throw the best-laid plans into turmoil. I woke up in turmoil, so I’m looking for some reverse plot twists: unexpected developments that convert a shitty day into an excellent one.
It’s happened before. There was the day a bad commute got under my skin and I thought the rest of the day would rot my soul. Then I found out I was getting a promotion and a raise.
There have been times when a movie I wanted to see was sold out and, though pissed, I got tickets for another film that turned out to be glorious.
There have been days I thought I’d crumble under the weight of an overpacked schedule. Then a series of cancellations made it all better.
It’s only 7:30 a.m. as I write this, so there’s plenty of time for this day to be salvaged.
Meantime, I’m going to sit in my cube, drink coffee and listen to The Stooges. Approach with caution.
In honor of Star Wars Day, I share an observation about Luke Skywalker. The dude went through a lot in life, and I respected that. But there has always been something about him that gets on my fucking nerves.
Was it the way he whined like a baby after Darth Vader introduced himself as Luke’s Daddy?
Was it the way he utterly failed to stand up to Uncle Owen before the latter was blasted to a crisp along with Aunt Beru?
No.
Like most of the people I can’t stand, the problem is that I look at Luke and see my reflection…
Of all the great songs Black Label Society frontman Zakk Wylde has written, my favorite is “In This River.” Over time, it’s become a tribute to his close friend, Pantera guitarist Darrell Lance Abbott, more popularly known as Dimebag Darrell.
Dimebag Darrell was gunned down nearly a decade ago while onstage with his post-Pantera band, Damageplan. Wylde was one of his best friends, and I can feel the depth of his loss whenever I listen to the song.
Wylde performed “In This River” as a tribute to the “fallen heroes of the music community” at the Revolver Golden Gods Awards April 23, 2014, at the Nokia Theater in Los Angeles. It’s pretty moving, so I’m sharing it here.
