A lot of people are sad this morning because Hostess, maker of Twinkies, Ding Dongs and Wonder Bread, is going out of business after striking workers failed to heed a Thursday deadline to return to work. That’s the company’s official line, anyway.
Me? I feel badly that 18,500 workers are getting laid off, though I suspect some other company will swoop in and buy Hostess for a song. The world needs its cream filling, after all.
But part of me would be glad to see the company go for a simple reason: As a compulsive binge eater who once ballooned up to 280-plus pounds because of the addiction, Hostess cakes were essentially my crack cocaine. I’d go into gas stations and buy up most of their Twinkies and both the chocolate and yellow cupcakes.
By going out of business, Hostess gives me one less thing to worry about going forward. No Hostess, no binge food.
Of course, it’s not that simple.
I’d simply binge on something else if it came to that. And McDonald’s was always number 1 in my binge book anyway.
Still, I think I can now relate to the feeling heroin and coke addicts got every time a drug lab got blown up during the ill-fated war on drugs. I can picture some junkies worrying about their supply drying up and going on a stockpiling craze.
That’s surely going to be the case with Hostess addicts. Expect a run on all their products at your local grocery store.
The good news is that with all the preservatives in those things, the supply you manage to hoard will never go bad.