Grief management

Some People You Just Can’t Save

April 15, 2013 Grief management

I just learned that a young man from my extended family was murdered recently. I only met him once, when he was a baby in the late 1980s, and I’m told he had a troubled adulthood that led him to seedy neighborhoods and bad crowds. Mood music:  HallelujahLeonard CohenMore Best Of When good kids fall [...]

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Aaron Swartz and How to Deal With Suicide

January 14, 2013 Grief management

I read many articles this weekend about the suicide of Internet prodigy and activist Aaron Swartz. Most were about how we should view his legacy in the face of charges that he used MIT’s computers to gain illegal access to millions of scholarly papers kept by JSTOR, a subscription-only service for distributing scientific and literary [...]

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To the Siblings in Sandy Hook

December 18, 2012 Grief management

To the people of Newtown, Conn., particularly the surviving children of Sandy Hook Elementary School: I have no idea what it’s like to lose a child, and I pray to God I never will. But I’ve lost a sibling and know how that feels. So I’m hoping, nearly 30 years after my brother’s death, that [...]

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An Inconvenient Death

November 28, 2012 Grief management

It happens whenever someone dies. After the initial shock passes, you start thinking about when the wake and funeral will take place, including whether it will get in the way of your work, family, or entertainment plans. We feel selfish and petty when we get this way, but it’s human nature.  Not EnoughVan HalenBalance Some [...]

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Prayers for Those Killed During “Dark Night Rises” Premier

July 20, 2012 Grief management

I awoke to a terrible story breaking in Colorado: at least 12 people killed and 50 wounded when some sick soul opened fire on them during an early Friday morning screening of the new Batman movie at an Aurora, Colo. movie theater. News reports are coming in quickly with new details, but I wanted to take [...]

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Wakes Are for the Living, You Selfish Bastard

June 19, 2012 Grief management

My post “Death Etiquette: Pay Your Respects, Even If They Hate You” got a lot of response — all of it disagreeing with me. All who commented made good points, but some details require clarification. Mood music:  In This RiverBlack Label SocietyMafia My point in that post was that if someone you love dies and [...]

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Death Etiquette: Pay Your Respects, Even If They Hate You

June 16, 2012 Grief management

Someone I know just learned that her ex’s maternal grandfather died. Though this man was like a grandfather to her, she’s getting pressure to stay away from the wake and funeral because her ex-mother-in-law doesn’t want her around. Some of you might say she should stay away, that her ex-mother-in-law’s wishes should come before other [...]

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Grief Management Put to Music

June 7, 2012 Grief management

Weeks after a loved one dies and we’ve allowed ourselves to fall apart, we have to make a choice: Stay in a fetal position, hidden from the world, or stand up and move forward. This is a little tribute to someone who made the latter choice. Mood music: I don’t know Ian Clark very well. [...]

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Addiction — And Security Journalism — Showed Me That Anonymity Matters

April 27, 2012 Addiction

Journalists like me have never been particularly comfortable using anonymous sources. When you don’t name names, someone inevitably questions if your source is real or imagined. But after dealing with some addictions in recent years, I feel differently about it. Mood music: There are some important distinctions to be made from the outset: I’ve written [...]

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The Monkey Will ALWAYS Be On Your Back

April 25, 2012 Addiction

I’m standing at a bar in Boston with my wife and stepmom. They order wine and I order coffee. My stepmom beams and says something about how awesome it is that I beat my demons. I appreciate the pride and the sentiment. But it’s also dangerous when someone tells a recovering addict that they’ve pulled [...]

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