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Time to Stop Separating Women from Men

A few years ago, I used to do a bunch of lists of security people to follow on Twitter every Friday. For a while I did a separate one on “women in security.” That is, until one of my peers called me out on it.

Essentially, my friend, Wendy Nather, said that I was contributing to sexism in the industry by separating the women from the men. That’s how I took it, anyway.

She was right.

Now when I create such lists, I put the sexes together. But I still see these all-women lists a lot. The intent is usually good, but the practice is behind the times.

And the practice is everywhere, not just security.

There’s the 10 women in science, top women in rock ‘n’ roll, and more.

I’m not saying that in the 21st century women are treated equally to men, thus eliminating the need for all-female distinctions. They’re not. Go to Google and you’ll have no trouble finding hundreds of articles on how woman are still marginalized in the boardroom, in politics and beyond.

I am saying we’re not helping the cause of gender equality by separating the sexes in these “people to watch” articles.

We should be judging everyone on their brains, ambition and contributions to society. No more separating by gender, skin color or sexual orientation.

Good people will disagree. I also don’t expect gender-specific lists and articles to cease.

But in my not-so-humble opinion, we’re looking at a symptom of the bigger problem.

No matter how much people talk about the glass ceiling being shattered, society still can’t stop dividing the sexes.

Woman facing down a man in the boardroom

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Disrespecting Women: Return of Idiots

I’ve spent a few recent posts slamming the blog Return of Kings over its hugely offensive content, particularly articles like “5 Reasons to Date a Girl with an Eating Disorder” and “Why Society Owes Men Sex.” A reader informs me that this is no simple trolling blog. It’s part of a larger movement in the US.

Mood music:

According to the reader:

That’s not a troll blog. That’s actually an extremist movement you’ve stumbled upon. Look up “men’s rights” movement and you’ll find opinions ranging from blaming feminism for all problems to strange arguments like you just saw there decrying the lack of sex despite the fact that females are 50 percent of the population. There is even more crazy but it all stems from deriving self worth from women and the resulting obsession about women.

Strange that the men’s rights movement doesn’t focus on fatherhood etc issues. It actually puts very little focus on that.

I did a Google search and the reader is right. I came across several articles like this one in TIME, which notes, among other things, that these groups

tap into fear and insecurity and turn it into blame and rage. Often the leaders of these groups are men who feel as though they got screwed in a divorce. They quote all sorts of statistics about child custody and unfair alimony payments, because in their minds, the single mother who has to choose between feeding the kids or paying the rent is a myth. They believe passionately in their own victimhood and their creed goes something like this: Women are trying to keep us down, usurp all our power, taking away what it means to be a man.

My take on this movement is that you have a bunch of guys who failed to confront their own faults as husbands, fathers and lovers, and that they instead choose to blame women for their lot in life.

It’s certainly not unique. We all have our flaws, and when confronted about it our first reaction is often denial and defense. I’m sure they also believe their own bullshit and believe women were created for nothing other than serving males in the kitchen, bedroom and nursery.

Reasonable people look at this sort of thing and wonder how it can be in the 21st century. We’re supposed to be beyond it, right? But then there are still plenty of gay haters in the world, as well as those who despise Jews and African Americans.

I can’t change them. None of us can. They can only change themselves through a lot of personal growth and soul searching. I hope that’s how it plays out for them.

Meanwhile, I choose to weaken their hand by being the best man I can be.

Men's Rights Activists: Men complaining about issues created by men and blaming it on feminism somehow