Things Kids Say, Part 3

by Bill Brenner on December 13, 2010

This was a tough weekend in the world of parenthood. Duncan was pretty manic. We expected this, because he suffers over the season’s lack of daylight just like his old man.

Mood music:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTwNkyKKgAI&fs=1&hl=en_US]

I’m constantly worried about the kids inheriting my genetic disposition toward mental disorder. I feel like Duncan’s mood swings are my fault, though I know it’s not that simple or even fair. All I know is that his mood swings rival my own. We’re getting him evaluated, and in the end things will be fine. He’s lucky because I’ve accumulated coping skills I can pass along to him when he’s old enough to grasp them.

For now I just have to be patient — something I suck at — and remember during his meltdowns that getting angry is hypocritical on my part.

Fortunately, Duncan helps me out, as does Sean, and, this weekend their cousin Madison. She slept over Saturday night and in between the various meltdowns, the three children let loose with a lot of witty words that lifted my spirits. In fact, they gave me enough material for a part 3 in my “kids say the darndest things” series.

You can read part 1 of the series here and part 2 here. I think you’ll walk away feeling that life isn’t so tough when you’ve seen it from a child’s perspective.

For part 3, my 2-year-old niece proves that she has the family comedy gene.

“You’re a stupid old shoe everyone steps on cause it’s ugly.” — Duncan’s attempted crusher on his dad (He was angry because I got Sean some gum and he was feeling left out. In hindsight, I can’t say I blame him.)

“Wow! It really does bounce off butt cheeks.” — Sean, after throwing a glowing eyeball he got at the Museum of Science at Duncan’s behind. Duncan didn’t notice a thing.

“Geez, Dad. Can’t you help a guy out and lighten the mood a little?” –Sean, enraged that I made him put on his winter coat on a morning where the outside temperature was 10 degrees.

“My PINK balloon deflated. My PINK balloon deflated. My PINK balloon deflated. My PINK balloon deflated. My PINK balloon deflated. My PINK balloon deflated. My PINK balloon deflated. My PINK balloon deflated. My PINK balloon deflated. My PINK balloon deflated….” Madison, the niece, lamenting that the pink balloon she got at a birthday party the day before had deflated.

“My pillow pet came undone. My pillow pet came undone. My pillow pet came undone. My pillow pet came undone. My pillow pet came undone. My pillow pet came undone. My pillow pet came undone. My pillow pet came undone. My pillow pet came undone…” The niece, once again pissed off because her pillow pet unfolded on her.

“Proof the niece is a Corthell girl: She hasn’t stopped talking since she woke up.” Me, marveling over the niece’s verbal command. She got up at 5:45 a.m. with the boys and I made this observation sometime around 8 a.m.

“The niece has decided she wants to watch Calliou. Shoot me.” Me, after the niece demands that I put that wretched PBS cartoon on the TV. Erin says I’m too hard on Calliou and that he’s perfectly fine for Madison’s age group.  Perhaps she’s right. I just can’t get past the narration from the actress who played Nurse Ratched in “One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest.” That same actress played an evil Bajoran in “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine” so I guess I take offense that she has the gall to tell me what the bald little punk is thinking and feeling.

“Duncan, knock it off,” the niece, trying to buck up Cousin Duncan during one of his unhappier moments.

“And we’ll be eaten by a giant clam,” the chorus to a song Duncan keeps singing. I think he made the whole thing up.

That’s it for now. Stay tuned for part 4.


{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

David Holland December 13, 2010 at 8:14 am

It doesn’t stop.

I was recently discussing with my youngest (who is 21) how D&D was a reflection of culture and asked him what the difference between intelligence (magic user) and wisdom (cleric) was. Without skipping a beat he said “experience”.

I’m pretty sure I could have figured that out if I had enough time.

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