This was originally written after the 2013 Boston Marathon Bombings. Many tragic events have happened since then, most notably the COVID-19 pandemic and its lockdowns, the resulting economic calamity and now race riots in cities across America after the death of George Floyd, a black man who died after being pinned down by a white officer. Now more than ever, we must put aside hate and be a force for good in the lives of our friends, family and neighbors. In other words, be the blessing.
***
I get frequent messages from readers. One was from someone tormented by current events — be it the government spying on citizens or any number of potential calamities. She asked how to make it stop.
I didn’t have an answer. I have no psychiatric degree — only my personal experiences.
Mood music:
The reader’s message said, in part:
I deal with scrupulosity, ruminations over heaven and hell, conspiracy theories and intrusive thoughts. It’s gotten to the point where it’s become impossible to function when I read a new headline about what the government is doing to us. I get depressed and I get obsessed. I see my intense fear and read things about the government tracking us, and suddenly I regret all the research I did about conspiracies over many years. I don’t know if I even believe it all, but I somehow feel like the more I know, the more I can somehow save my family.
I don’t know what to do about current events. I don’t know how to save my family from government tracking (even though we’re not doing anything illegal or anything that would be of concern), yet I feel like my OCD is making me out to be this inadvertent target due to the fact that I’m always obsessively searching through conspiracy websites attempting to find “answers.” How did this stop? How do you deal with this?
I can relate to her fear of current events. It’s something that used to paralyze me on a regular basis. I felt the need to give an answer broader than the fear of current events part, because to me that’s merely a symptom of the bigger problem people like us must confront. And so I mentioned how, for me, the biggest helpers have involved:
- Building my spirituality and faith in God
- Changing my diet drastically by cutting out flour and sugar and weighing out all my portions, among other things
- Taking a class on mindfulness-based stress reduction
- Picking up a musical instrument again after 20 years
- Using music (hard rock and heavy metal, in my case) as a soothing tool
I noted how, even after adding these tools, I still struggle. Some days I forget to use some or all of those tools for a variety of reasons. Using them actually takes more energy than I have some days. And if something really big dominates the news, it will still have an impact on me. The Boston Marathon bombings come to mind.
After I hit “send,” I remembered something a friend wrote not long before she died of cancer. Renee Pelletier Costa wrote about her despair over leaving all the people in her life and how her pastor replied simply, “Then don’t leave.” That statement made her realize that in a world she couldn’t control, she could still use whatever time was left to be a blessing to others.
That was a huge point for me as an OCD sufferer. I can’t control most of what goes on in the world around me, but I can still carry on each day in ways that make the difference to family, friends and colleagues. It can be as simple as saying good morning to someone and holding a door open for them. You can talk to them about their struggles — or better yet, just listen to them. Bring them a coffee. Make them laugh. Any of these things go a long way when someone’s having a shitty day.
The NSA will keep spying on us. Stocks will rise and fall. But none of that can keep me from being there for my family, from playing guitar and doing other things that make life worth living.
To the best of my ability, I choose to be the blessing. What happens from there isn’t up to me.
Another great post Bill. I read often, respond not so often, however you tend to be dead on. I don’t have OCD, but I do have the tendency of getting caught up with things that fall outside my control. I have to stop myself and ask if my thoughts or discussions will make an impact on my circle of influence (thanks Mr. Covey)? If not, I need to change that to what I can influence and change.
So I’ve stopped watching the news. I scan a few websites to gather current events that I believe I need to know about, but not what I need to take up the sword over.
Tab
I totally get into the hole of despair because I can’t fix the world. My mantra for getting through it is a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt: ‘It is better to light one candle than to curse the darkness.’ I try to think of one solid thing I can do to make things better. Even if it is just being pleasant to people working at the grocery store, every little bit does help.
I can’t quite give up politics, so I try to show the truth and encourage open discussion rather than repeat the echo chamber of the mainstream media. It’s about doing your part, not winning.
Your post is evidence that your friend Renee still hasn’t left, after all.
Another expertly rendered OCD Diaries entry.
Bill,
Thats the best post you have written ever I think. And the lady you responded to, damn! Thats exactly what happens to me, to the point of suicidal ideation at times. Stay POSI!!!!