Feeling anxious

by Bill Brenner on December 1, 2010

No, it’s not an anxiety attack. It’s not fear. But it’s a feeling of anxiousness I haven’t felt in a long while. The trigger is an old friend.

Mood music:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvxHFmKl_Qo&fs=1&hl=en_US]

I used to live in a constant state of panic over work. The constant fear of not measuring up or being liked. A couple years ago I largely lost those fears. I just decided to do the best I could for me and let the chips fall where they may. That’s worked beautifully so far. I actually enjoy the work instead of wanting to puke over the tasks on my list.

As to how I’m feeling right now, it’s not the fear and anxiety of old. But it could be called a work-related stress. And not something the powers that be are making me feel. This is all me — all about the things in my head. 

I’m excited because we’re starting up a new news-driven blog on CSOonline that I’ve been itching to do for over a year. Some other tweaks are going on to the homepage as part of this. Meanwhile, we’re amping up a new CSO page on Facebook. I’m banging my head against the desk because I can’t seem to get all the news and Twitter feeds posting directly to the wall of the new Facebook page. So the blinders go on and I let the world around me melt as I stare intensely at my screens, groping for the solution. Being a control freak doesn’t help.

I just want to do this stuff and do it well. Better than well.

It’ll happen, but I gotta work on my patience and try to push back on the urge to have it all.

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