3 Thoughts for 30 Days

The past three weeks have been surreal, like existing inside Salvadore Dali’s “The Persistence of Memory” painting. If the U.S. government’s plan holds, we’ll live in this world for another 30 days at least.

How do we get through it?

I have three thoughts on that.

Mood Music:

1. Leave Predictions to the Experts

Peruse Facebook and you’ll see a lot of people clutching straws, slicing and dicing numbers for signs that the COVID-19 death rate will be low, and sharing charts that predict when cases will peak and drop. I’ve done it, too. It’s not helpful.

All we can control is the present. All we can do is be there for family and friends, get some exercise and do our work (if we can). To do that, we have to…

2. Accept Reality and Adapt

The government estimates that 100,000–240,000 people will die. The lower number happens only if we do everything perfectly, but either way there will be many deaths. We don’t know who will die. We don’t know how long we’ll shelter in place. If we fixate on how unreal all this seems, our despair will build.

My approach is admittedly fatalistic on the surface: I’m just assuming we’ll be in this fight for a long time. I take nothing for granted — my job, my health, my ability to avoid episodes of depression. Losing ground in these areas is all within the realm of possibility.

That sounds bleak, but there is a positive: By accepting that things are and will remain bad for some time and that anything can happen, I can adapt and focus on what’s in front of me — and what’s in front of me is pretty good.

In the face of the current crisis, we are already seeing humanity’s ability to adapt: we’re keeping business and learning running remotely, repurposing plant operations to churn out medical gear and moving from lost hospitality jobs to those that are in demand — grocery stores and medical facilities, for example.

To adapt is to survive and thrive.

3. Learn from History

This is the craziest thing many of us have experienced in our lifetimes, and the memes telling us that we have it easy — that all we have to do is sit on the couch and watch TV — ring hollow. We have to keep our families, jobs and finances going, after all. But there are shreds of truth in those memes, particularly on two points:

  • Our parents and grandparents lived through The Great Depression and WWII. They emerged stronger.
  • People survived the Spanish Flu a hundred years ago, at a time when there were no antibiotics, no 24-hour news to keep us informed and none of the comforts we take for granted today.

History gives us perspective. In fact, we’re already drawing on what our elders did to get through the present.

As we stock our pantries with enough food to last a few months, it’s hard not to think about our grandparents and how they struggled to keep well stocked.

It’s hard to look around us and not think of black-and-white images from the Spanish Flu — people in masks, keeping their distance.

This will only get harder as the weeks pass. We’re going to hear a lot of bad news along the way.

What we do now can make us stronger and heal some older societal wounds. Call me a naive optimist, but I believe it because I’m a history buff who has studied the past.

I’ll end with this wisdom from CNBC’s Ron Insana:

It seems extremely important to remember that there are things that are truly unprecedented and new and those that are, however tragically, new to us.

Yes, of course, there are elements of this tragedy, now playing out, that are truly unprecedented. The speed of the economic shutdown, the emptiness of major cities and a few other realities with which we must come to terms.

Other aspects are just new to us. The 1918 flu required “social distancing”…. 

For our parents, or grandparents, World War II, by itself, raged on for four long years.

We haven’t yet sat still for four weeks.

We’re being asked to sit on a couch and watch TV. Come on America. We got this.

COVID-19 Gratitude 3: Seeing My InfoSec Friends Fight the Bad Guys

The pandemic has kept me and a lot of friends in the information security industry busy, as attackers try to cash in on the hysteria over COVID-19. Watching friends in the industry come together to do their part has been a powerful shot in the arm for me.

We are truly in this together.

Mood Music:

A couple quick examples.

The COVID-19 CTI League, for cyber threat intelligence. This group spans more than 40 countries and includes professionals in senior positions at such major companies as Microsoft and Amazon:

One of four initial managers of the effort, Marc Rogers, said the top priority would be working to combat hacks against medical facilities and other frontline responders to the pandemic. It is already working on hacks of health organizations.

Also key is the defense of communication networks and services that have become essential as more people work from home, said Rogers, head of security at the long-running hacking conference Def Con and a vice president at security company Okta Inc.

—Joseph Menn, writing for Reuters

Cyber Volunteers 19 (CV19). This group formed specifically to target threats to healthcare facilities:

Cybercriminals are doing all they can to exploit the fear and confusion that the COVID-19 pandemic has brought with it. This exploitation does not stop at the hospital, medical facility, or healthcare service entrance. Staying on top of their cybersecurity game might not be the highest priority within those organizations right now, but it is nonetheless vital. It only takes one successful ransomware attack to have a life and death impact on patient care potentially….

One newly formed group of information security professionals, including company CISOs, penetration testers, security researchers, and more, have vowed to do all they can to help provide cybersecurity support to healthcare services across the U.K. and Europe.

—Davey Winder, writing for Forbes

These efforts are additional examples of how the current crisis has brought out the best in humanity.

When my spirits dim and waves of anxiety wash over me in these difficult days, seeing things like this give me the strength to keep showing up.

Rock on, friends.

Those Walls Closing In? You’re Not Crazy

For all my writing about being positive, throwing myself into work and taking care of myself, I’d be lying if I told you I had it together all day, every day. Being stuck inside — even when breaking it up with walks and hikes — is taking a toll. And we’re only a couple weeks into this.

Mood Music:

The last three days I’ve experienced frequent waves of crankiness. I get more impatient with my family, scowl whenever blue skies give way to overcast ones and feel like my skeleton is trying to rip itself out from beneath skin that doesn’t seem to fit quite right.

The waves pass and then I’m fine, but it makes me wonder what I’ll be like after another two, three or five weeks of this.

I’m not depressed. Depression is unmistakable to me, removing most of my motivation and filling my skull with fog that leaves me unable to connect the dots. Instead I remain focused and driven. That’s despite being on a much lower dosage of antidepressants than I’ve had in years.

No, in a world that’s now anything but normal, I think what I’m feeling is … normal.

I mention this because some of you may also feel the walls closing in. Surely some of you are feeling grim. All the Facebook memes about how our grandparents suffered worse in the Great Depression and WWII won’t change what we feel.

And that’s OK. When the unease overtakes you, allow it. Then keep showing up — for family and friends, for work, for community.

Even if much of that has to be on a video screen or chat window for now.

COVID-19 Gratitude 2: Getting My Health Back

There are many things I’m grateful for amid this pandemic. My health is one of them. A year ago, I would have been at much higher risk of catching COVID-19.

Mood Music:

I’m certainly not bulletproof. No one is, based on the limited science we have on COVID-19 at the moment. But mentally and physically, I have much more fight in me.

This time last year, I was hovering around 290 pounds. I was on blood pressure medication, the CPAP was struggling to punch through airways under pressure from a fatty throat and I was getting migraines constantly. Weight-control measures that had worked in the past didn’t cut it anymore, especially the food plan and 12-step program I was following via Overeaters Anonymous (OA), which I wrote a lot about earlier in the history of this blog.

My experience is not a condemnation of OA or anything else that works for others. Many people need a 12-step program when addictive behavior is the root of their pain. It simply didn’t work for me. OA felt too much like a cult. I don’t like answering to people on a good day (except my wife), so calling a sponsor every day to report on everything I’d be eating didn’t work. I abandoned the program but kept the food plan and didn’t replace it with something better suited to my needs.

My health slid down and my weight shot up. It took me seven years to find something that worked better. My body paid a price in the meantime, as did everyone around me.

I had less energy, less patience, and a lot less clarity of mind. I fell into more frequent bouts of deep depression.

By May 2019, I hit bottom. My wife had found success using the Noom app and tracking her daily steps with a Fitbit, so I decided to give those things a try.

The combination has worked out because it’s allowed me to use data to manage my behavior. The numbers on the Fitbit tell me when I’m not moving around enough and compels me to get up and take walks. Noom allows me to track my calorie intake throughout the day to stay in check and has helped me make better food choices though its green-yellow-red classification system.

Using that simple combination, I’m down to 213 pounds — my lowest weight in more than a decade. I can’t remember the last time I suffered a migraine. I fit in airplane seats comfortably again (not that it matters at the moment), and I’m not getting winded every time I walk a few steps uphill. I’m at the point where I can maintain my weight and be in fighting form. I’m going to 210 just for the hell of it.

I had to turn things around under normal circumstances. That I have maintained it amid this unprecedented global crisis makes me feel grateful and lucky.

Life is always hard. Better to have more strength for the fight.

That may be obvious, but it’s not always easy to follow. Times like these show us that we must try harder.

Physical Distancing Doesn’t Mean Social Distancing

Amid the pandemic, we hear a lot about social distancing, which produces images of people isolated and alone, cut off from the world. The sound of it alone can bring on bouts of depression. What’s really happening is anything but — if you’re willing to use the tools available.

Mood Music:

On the work side, we may all be at home, but through GoTo Meeting, Zoom, Microsoft Teams and Facetime, my colleagues and I are getting a lot of time together. There are the meetings, of course, but a lot of us are also using these platforms to have lunch together and just banter:

Checking in with my colleague, Hillary Blair
Colleague Charlie Carey telling me, “Your humor is best when socially distanced.”

Some of my friends in the security industry have set up Zoom meetings and kept them running. Folks can come and go as they please.

My friend and former boss, Akamai CSO Andy Ellis, has used these tools for family dinners and spiritual gatherings. The following is posted with his permission:

In some respects, I think our extra efforts to socialize these days has been good for us. There’s a certain solidarity in all this.

I hope we don’t lose that when the pandemic ends.

5 Examples of Humanity’s Best Amid COVID-19

The war footing we’re on with COVID-19 remains serious and will be for some time to come. We can’t let our guard down or return our lives to normal — whatever that was — for the time being.

But we can put the future into a better perspective. As harsh as life seems right now, there are myriad examples of humanity doing the right things and seeing measurable progress. Here are five of them.

Mood Music:

The First US Vaccine Test Has Happened

The first person in the US was injected with an experimental coronavirus vaccine Monday, leading the American charge in a global hunt for protection.

Antibodies from Recovered Patients Could Protect People at Risk

With a vaccine for COVID-19 still a long way from being realized, a Johns Hopkins immunologist is working to revive a century-old blood-derived treatment for use in the United States in hopes of slowing the spread of the disease. The treatment could be set up at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore within weeks.

SK Reports More Recoveries Than Coronavirus for First Time

South Korea reported more recoveries from the coronavirus than new infections on Friday for the first time since its outbreak emerged in January. The downward trend in daily cases raises hopes that Asia’s biggest epidemic center outside China may be slowing.

Uber Eats Waives Delivery Fees for 100,000 Restaurants

One of many, many examples of private enterprise stepping in to help everyone stay afloat — with full bellies.

Booze Makers Are Using Their Talents to Make Free Hand Sanitizer

Distilleries across America are stepping up to mitigate the shortage of hand sanitizer by making their own and giving it away. Another example of the best humanity has to offer.

Hang in there, folks. The helpers are out in full force.

Finding Meaning in a COVID-19 War Footing

Each morning, as part of my job, I scan the big daily papers for cybersecurity news so we can put them into a digest to help chief security officers (CISOs) communicate the important stuff to top executives. This includes reading DealBook, a business-oriented newsletter from The New York Times. Reading it this morning brought out something I didn’t expect.

Mood Music:

This morning’s digest led with “What a ‘Wartime’ Economy Looks Like,” a rundown of all the actions the government and private sector are taking to approach the COVID-19 pandemic like a war. Said Kenneth Rogoff, Harvard economist and former Chief Economist for the International Monetary Fund:

The whole point of having a sound government balance sheet is to be able to go all out in situations like this, which is tantamount to a war.

Kenneth Rogoff, Professor of Public Policy and Economics, Harvard University

Reading this energized me.

My reaction seemed odd at first, since the write-up was anything but a call to arms. It was just an emotionless rundown of information.

But this morning I awoke feeling grim. Right before bed the night before I had made the colossal mistake of ignoring my own advice of limiting news and social media intake. Erin chided me about it and I got snippy. Once you get sucked into a mounting pile of doom on the internet, pulling away is like trying to rip out a nail that’s gone through your foot.

So I met the dawn feeling that things were as bad as they could get, or that they were certainly headed that way.

Then I saw the DealBook article.

It didn’t convert my gloom into sunshine, but it reminded me of the larger purpose and how, to use the very old but still applicable cliché, we’re all in this together. This is indeed war, and we all have an opportunity to save lives and turn the tide of battle, even against a virus that couldn’t care less about borders, culture, creed, skin color or economic standing.

Social distancing sucks after a while. The damage to the global economy is going to suck in a multitude of ways. But all is not lost. We have much to gain, even if we have no clue what that is yet.

Rock on, fellow soldiers.

Joking About COVID-19

“Humor is the universal solvent against the abrasive elements of life.”

Former U.S. Sen. Alan Simpson

Several lifetimes ago, I was a newspaper reporter and editor. I saw a lot of tragedy and depravity in that line of work: fatal car wrecks, families burned out of homes, murder and, yes, health crises.

Mood Music:

I used to walk over homeless people sleeping in the Lynn Police Department entrance, the place wreaking of piss. I’d sit in courthouses to report on arraignments, watching some of the unluckiest, choice-challenged people I’d ever seen in my life.

Along the way, my sense of humor took a dark turn.

I’d joke to other court reporters about whether someone standing in front of the judge was guilty of whatever they were charged with (“Of course they are!”). When listening to police-scanner chatter about fire trucks being sent to a triple-decker fire in Lawrence, some of us would place bets on how quickly they’d put out the flames. Lawrence burned so often that the firefighters learned to do their jobs with ninja-like precision.

My colleagues and I felt a lot of sadness and heartache along the way. Our hatred of human suffering was always just below the surface. But joking about some of it is how we survived.

This gallows humor is something a lot of police officers, medical professionals, security practitioners and military veterans have shared with me over the years based on their own experiences, most of them a lot more harrowing than anything I’ve experienced.

No matter how dangerous and tragic something is, sometimes laughter is the only armor you have.

I mention this because there’s been some backlash over memes and commentary making light of the current COVID-19 pandemic. Some say it’s cruel to laugh about such a grave threat, that we have to take it seriously. Some who joke about it are called dismissive.

And some of those people are dismissive. I shake my head more over people who seriously downplay what’s happening, writing it off as a media conspiracy to undermine Trump.

But those memes joking about toilet-paper hoarding? That Onion article about wearing two face masks (one on the back of the head in case Coronavirus attacks from behind)? Those are keeping me sane.

If the humor bothers you, I’m sorry. I certainly don’t want to see you hurting.

But don’t expect everyone to walk around their quarantine holes with a dour stare 24 hours a day.

To the jokesters: Keep it coming. You’re helping me through this, and I appreciate you.

One Woman’s Experiences Show How Nasty The Internet Can Be

We’ve all seen how nasty the Internet can be. Scroll Facebook, Twitter or any number of blogs on a given day and you’ll see people going out of their way to rip each other apart in the most cowardly way possible — hidden in the shadows.

Many of us have stories about being attacked online. Usually, it’s because we offered an opinion people disagreed with. But Amanda Nickerson has been living with something a lot more malignant: an online stalker who has created fake sites and accounts in her name and systematically tried to destroy her reputation. It has turned her life upside down and sideways, and it could happen to any of us.

I don’t know Amanda very well. We communicate a bit on Facebook and I count her husband Chris among my friends. But I’ve been inspired by her courage as she blogs about her experiences.

The blog, “My Life Exposed,” is must reading. I urge you to follow her story and learn from it.

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This Wasn’t Part of the Plan

This is the first in a series of posts about navigating through the unexpected. It’s based on experiences I’ve had since my father’s death last year. I’ve tried to follow the words of Winston Churchill, who once said, “If you’re going through Hell, keep going.”

I’ve had shitty years before — 1984, when my brother died, the year following my best friend’s suicide in 1997, and 2004, when another close friend died and I came closest to an emotional breakdown.

I can’t say 2015 was the worst year I’ve ever had. But it was pretty damn shitty all the same.

My aunt and father — siblings — died within a week of each other after long illnesses. I inherited the task of closing out the family business, which included the responsibility of trying to sell a building that’s mired in a costly environmental cleanup. That, in addition to the already full family life and career I have.

I had spent my life running from the family business. I had built my own successful career. Now the whole crumbling enterprise was on my shoulders, and there was no escaping the responsibility. But I wasn’t about to quit the career I’d worked so hard on. So I doubled down, and 2016 has been about learning to make this new equilibrium work.

Because of the cleanup, I decided to hang on to the building and lease it. I moved into my father’s office and determined that I could do my real job from there and keep an eye on the place without having to keep driving between offices for crisis control. So far, so good.

It hasn’t been all bad. I’ve learned more about business and the legal system this year than I ever expected to. Having the office doesn’t suck. And the fact that I haven’t fucked it all up yet is a sizable confidence booster.

At one point in my life, I thought I had already faced all the big tests, passing them one by one until about the time I started this blog six-and-a-half years ago.

Looking back at the posts I wrote that first year, everything was about how I had brought all the demons to heel: facing down fear and anxiety, learning to manage an addictive personality, and so on.

What I wrote was genuine, and I’ve continued to hold true to a lot of the older lessons.

But the test is never over. Now that I know that, the next several posts will delve deeper into the new challenges.

Stay tuned.

If you’re going through hell keep going Winston Churchill