Through The Storm

by Bill Brenner May 18, 2015 Coping tools

Work is crazy busy. I’m visiting my father in hospice a lot. Helping Dad tie up some loose ends on his real-estate interests has become a full-time job in itself. It would be easy, in this crazy time of life, to skip doctor appointments, binge-eat or climb into a bottle. Mood music: Admittedly, my eating has been less than stellar. It’s the opposite of binging at this point; my appetite cuts out a lot and…  [Read More]

Crosses Suck. But It’s What We Do With ‘Em That Counts

by Bill Brenner April 5, 2015 Faith

Crosses aren’t nice things. We all have them. But they make us who we are. Mood music: Jesus carried his Cross to redeem the world. The way we carry our Crosses define us. We can complain that we are victims and that God is cruel. Or we can carry our Crosses like Jesus did, and turn adversity into strength. We can learn from our suffering and strive each day to be a blessing to others….  [Read More]

New OCD Diaries Banner

by Bill Brenner February 9, 2015 Adventures in writing

So, you might have noticed something different about the blog’s appearance in recent days. Your eyes do not deceive you. That IS a new banner. It’s the work of Eddie Mize, a security professional popularly known as EddieTheYeti. I’ve written a lot about his art and have done a lot of posts where I put words to his images. Think of the new banner as a continuation of that project. Like the last banner, this…  [Read More]

Anatomy of an Identity Crisis

by Bill Brenner February 4, 2015 Family

When a sibling’s death turns the baby of the family into the oldest son, you get an identity crisis filled with anger and confusion. Mood music: I’ve written at length about my brother Michael, who died of an asthma attack when I was 13. That experience will test any kid, and I was no exception. The loss infused a deep reservoir of fear and anxiety in me that would bubble up many times over the years….  [Read More]

The Imperfect Art of Coming Out

by Bill Brenner February 3, 2015 Adventures in writing

As new readers find this blog, they often ask the question I’ve heard many times before: Why the hell did I out myself? Wasn’t I afraid people would blackball me at work? Don’t I worry that I’ll be defined by my struggle with OCD above all else? It’s a fair question. Mood music: First, let’s get the notions of courage and bravery off the table. Some have used those words to describe what I’m doing,…  [Read More]

EddieTheYeti’s Images, My Words: Chapter 1

by Bill Brenner January 7, 2015 Coping tools

I’ve been releasing posts as part of a project where I put my feelings to images created by artist and infosec pro Eddie Mize, more popularly known as EddieTheYeti. The project will continue indefinitely, but here’s a compilation of what’s been done so far. Think of it as chapter 1. Mood music: EddieTheYeti: Art as Mental Therapy I sucked at a lot of things as a kid, but I could draw. It was the one thing…  [Read More]

Remorse? I Have It

by Bill Brenner December 10, 2014 Communication skills for the crazy

Recently, I started exploring the feelings that EdditTheYeti’s art raises in me. On Monday, I focused on “Prayer” and “Pierced.” Today, I’ll look at “Remorse.” Mood music: “Remorse” This picture was created with ink, wine, lime juice, coffee, tea, cola, soy sauce, hot sauce, and, as Eddie writes, a thought about what has passed. The creature in the picture hangs its head low, eyes too mired in the past to see the present. Regrets? I…  [Read More]

An EddieTheYeti Christmas

by Bill Brenner December 8, 2014 Spirituality

Every year, I have trouble finding my Christmas spirit. I’ve written a lot about why that is, and this year is no different. But I feel like God is throwing me more clues than usual. Mood music: The first clue came from my wife. We were discussing my father’s ongoing health problems and I noted how that was contributing to what I see as the same old pattern of shitty things happening during the holidays. Erin…  [Read More]

Dissecting EddieTheYeti

by Bill Brenner October 28, 2014 Coping tools

A few months ago I told you about an artist from the security community named Eddie Mize, a.k.a. EddieTheYeti. I identified with his use of artistic expression as a way to cope with inner demons. Since then, we’ve gotten to know each other better. Mood music: I’ve used his art to illustrate several posts in this blog. At DEF CON in August, his art exhibit was one of the more popular attractions, and he kindly…  [Read More]

EddieTheYeti: Art as Mental Therapy

by Bill Brenner April 2, 2014 Coping tools

I sucked at a lot of things as a kid, but I could draw. It was the one thing that always got me compliments from people who otherwise ridiculed me. Those drawings were an exercise in emotion. There were pictures of my favorite rock stars, recreated scenes from my favorite movies (particularly the violent ones) and doodles that captured my frustration during school and periods of depression. A good example of that is the Paul Revere…  [Read More]