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The Great Chelsea Fire of 1973

Before the family business was in Saugus, MA, it was in Chelsea, MA. That is, until the Second Great Chelsea Fire in 1973.

On October 14, 1973, 18 city blocks of Chelsea were destroyed by conflagration. At the center was Chelsea’s Rag District, a densely packed area of buildings that stored paper and textile scrap for the junk and recycling industry. The wood-framed buildings were old and rundown. With winds of up to 50 MPH and a lack of water to fight with, the fire was able to spread. Luckily, no one was killed.

Here’s a picture from The Boston Globe article on the fire. My father is on the left, crouched over the rubble that was the family business:

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Here’s a pretty good documentary of that fire. Be sure to check out how the fire spread at 20:20. Below is a newspaper article quoting my father on the disaster.

 

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Want Cheese With That Whine?

A few weeks back, a reader suggested that I whine a lot. She said I’m badly depressed and need more help than I’m getting.

She’s not the first person to misunderstand the purpose of this blog.

Mood music:

For those who don’t know by now, I started this blog because writing is powerful therapy. When you type out your feelings on paper or in a forum like this, it’s very freeing. You don’t keep stuff inside and you can move ahead more easily.

I decided to go public with my struggles because, for me, bringing my problems to light would make them smaller and weaker — and easier to manage.

I also did it because I know most people suffer with their own issues and live in greater pain because it’s the sinister secret in their closet. I figured that if I came clean about my own frailties of character and more medically based struggles, people who live in the closet would at least know that they don’t have to be alone and that they can get to a better place. A lot of people have told me this blog helps them. So I keep writing, even when I don’t feel like it.

I write frankly about my challenges. But I accept those challenges and have found happiness all the same. If you think that’s whining, you’re badly confused.

Fortunately, there’s a remedy for you: You can stop reading this blog and erase it from your mind. If you stay despite getting nothing from it, perhaps you’re the one in need of more help.

Middle Finger Mushroom Cloud

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The Only Way Out Of The Fog Is Through It

We all go through it: Something upsets us so much that we go into a fog; unable to function when we’re still required to do so. It rises up like a brick wall.

Mood music:

We smash into it a few too many times and go through the rest of the day dazed and confused. It’s a natural reaction to life’s more stressful and traumatic moments.

If a loved one is sick or dead, or you get into a huge fight with your spouse, or you just discover you’ve been robbed, the feeling hits you.

But what do you do when that feeling clings to you every day like a wet, filthy rag?

I’ve been there many times. It used to cripple me every day. It’s no longer a daily thing, but it still gets me on occasion.

Monday was one of those days; let’s just say it was driven by guilt.

But here’s the difference between now and the old days:

It didn’t incapacitate me and leave me lying half dead on the couch like it used to. I didn’t check out of the hotel of reality. I may have wanted to, but I didn’t.

I felt every bad feeling and it did stick in my brain all day like a splinter. But somehow, I was able to make it through the day. I got my work done, I got chores done and I was even able to focus on the not-always-easy task of helping Duncan do his homework.

I can point to a lot of things that make the difference today:

—Medication to control my OCD, ADD and the depression that comes with it;

–Regular visits to the therapist to get things off my chest; and

–An eating program devoid of flour and sugar. When I’m not sinking under the weight of a food binge, my thinking is clearer.

I don’t think it’s possible to avoid the fog altogether. Life is too unpredictable and dramatic for that. Sometimes the stresses get the better of you and you lose sight of everything around you. It’s a very shitty place to be.

But there is a positive in this: If you never felt the fog, it would mean you didn’t care about anything or anyone.

You would see clearly and keep walking, but the destination would always be some selfish pursuit.

Some of this may sound a bit hyperbolic. I use some fancy language along the way to explain it.

But that’s how my brain rolls this morning.

“Heartsign,” by EddieTheYeti

Heartsign_by_EddieTheYeti

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God Bless Cousin Melanie

I’ve always looked up to my cousin Melanie Segal. She’s been through a medical grind that would make a lot of people understandably bitter. But that’s not how she operates.

Mood music:

http://youtu.be/MhtednkzJl4

Through kidney and liver problems, she has lived her life with smiles, grace and good humor. Not once have I heard her complain about her medical difficulties. You never see her on Facebook complaining about her lot in life, either. In fact, I’ve seen her on there telling others to work harder at seeing the rainbows through the clouds.

She’s a rock in a family that’s been through a lot. You want to see courage? Look her way. And when you’re having a shitty day and feel like telling the world how much life sucks, think of her and you’ll realize just how petty you can be.

Sunday, she got a new kidney. The transplant procedure was a success, but she has a long road of recovery ahead. I know she’ll meet the challenge with the same grit and grace we all love and admire about her.

Please keep her in your prayers.

Melanie Segal

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For Parents With Kids Freaked About Winter Storms

With a blizzard in the New England forecast this week and next month’s 37th anniversary of the Blizzard of 1978, I thought this might be of use:

Mood music:

http://youtu.be/6-WMbP1RcC4

I got a message awhile back from a mom who reads this blog regularly. I’ll keep her anonymous but share some details of the note:

“My son, only 7, has suffered from pretty severe anxieties about weather over the past 3 or so years. It took me forever to figure out what was going on (the doctors couldn’t) and finally found an amazing counselor for him that has given him the tools to deal. But still it is a lot for a little kid.”

Since this one really hits me where I live, I’m going to take a stab at offering something useful. But be warned first that I AM NOT a doctor. It’s also important to note that one person’s perfect solution might make things worse for another individual. What I offer is simply based on my own personal experience and some of what I’ve read from smart people in the medical community.

Tricky stuff, mental illness is.

I do think there’s good news for children who suffer:

1.) Getting the right help early will spare him/her from a lot of pain later on.

2.) Children seem to learn things like coping mechanisms more readily than adults.

3.) If a kid has to deal with any form of mental anguish, anxiety is probably one of the more natural, normal reactions to life. Even the healthiest of children live with a certain level of fear. My kids are healthy boys, mentally and physically, but they still crawl into bed with Mom and Dad in the middle of the night because their minds are spinning with worry over a ghost story they heard in school.

What really resonated with me is that this child gets anxiety over the weather. It’s been nearly 35 years since I watched in fear as the ocean rose up and ripped apart my neighborhood along the northern edge of Revere Beach in Massachusetts during the Blizzard of 1078..

Houses were torn from their foundations. Schoolmates had to stay in hotels for a year or more while their homes were rebuilt. The wind tore the roofing off some of the pavilions lining the beach.

Every winter since then, every nor’easter riding up the coast filled me with anxiety. The TV news doesn’t help. Impending storms are more often than not pitched as the coming apocalypse.

From the late 1970s straight through the 1990s, I’d shake from weather reports mentioning the Blizzard of 1978 with each new storm. As a young adult, I developed a pattern of throwing a blanket over my head and going to sleep. That’s exactly what I did in 1985 when Hurricane Gloria grazed us and, at age 21 in August 1991, when New England took a direct blow from Hurricane Bob.

My step-sister still likes to bring up how, on the morning Hurricane Bob was coming, I came into her room and yelled at her to wake up, telling her, “This aint no (expletive) Gloria.” That was me in OCD mode.

That rough weather scared the heck out of me as a kid, I think, was perfectly normal. Carrying that same fear and anxiety well into adulthood? Probably not so normal.

In more recent years, I’ve overcome that fear, and I actually like a good storm now and again. I love to drive through the snow. And when Washington D.C. got smacked with 30-plus inches of heavy snow in a blizzard in 2010, I gleefully walked the streets as the storm continued to rage.

That’s my long-winded way of saying this 7-year-old probably — hopefully — will grow out of his weather-based anxiety, and hopefully sooner than I did.

I think the best thing his mom can do is talk him through it, explaining that weather changes all the time and we usually get through the rough stuff just fine, even if a tree is blown over.

I’d tell him it’s ok to be concerned about a coming storm, but that the storm always passes and is followed by the sun.

When the TV news starts to hype up a storm, make fun of them for making mountains out of molehills. Sometimes, the hype is warranted, like when Hurricanes Katrina and Andrew came along. The Blizzard of 1978 certainly lived up to the hype.  But most of the time, the media exaggerates the importance of a storm, and they deserve to be picked on for it, especially if it makes a little kid feel better.

Now, for those seeking a more scientific, medically-grounded piece of advice on treating childhood anxiety, I once again direct you toward the excellent WebMD site. I did some digging and found some helpful tips, which include the following:

Professional counseling is an important part of the treatment for depression. Types of counseling most often used to treat depression in children and teens are:

  • Cognitive-behavioral therapy, which helps reduce negative patterns of thinking and encourages positive behaviors.
  • Interpersonal therapy, which focuses on the child’s relationships with others.
  • Problem-solving therapy, which helps the child deal with current problems.
  • Family therapy, which provides a place for the whole family to express fears and concerns and learn new ways of getting along.
  • Play therapy, which is used with young children or children with developmental delays to help them cope with fears and anxieties. But there is no proof that this type of treatment reduces symptoms of depression.

Hope that helps!

“Blizzard of ’78,” by Norman Gautreau, depicting the devastation of Revere Beach following The Blizzard of 1978:

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Kurt Cobain’s Suicide Note on a T-Shirt

Online marketplace Etsy caused a kerfuffle recently by selling shirts emblazoned with the suicide note of the late Kurt Cobain.

Etsy and other e-commerce sites have since pulled the shirts from their virtual shelves, but the big question remains: Who in their right mind would wear such a thing?

Mood music:

http://youtu.be/jDyvClUsCJU

To be fair, some would wear it to make a statement about depression. But most kids just want to shock people.

I know, because I was one of those rebellious kids. Let’s go back about 23 years.

It’s 1992, I am in my early 20s and am pretty much pissed at the world. I have a chip on my shoulder the size of a bowling ball and harbor immature notions of what is cool.

At that time I was all about shocking people. Shocking people is a good way to change the subject, especially when the subject is why you’re such a fuck up. Of course, wearing the shirt proved I was just that.

I thought it would be a cool statement if I went around in a Charles Manson T-shirt. Guns ‘N’ Roses frontman Axl Rose was wearing one on stage, so I knew it was the cool thing to do.

My stupidity hit me clearer a few years ago, after I read Restless Souls: The Sharon Tate Family’s Account of Stardom, the Manson Murders, and a Crusade for Justice, written by Tate family friend Alisa Statman and Brie Tate, niece of Sharon Tate.

Patti Tate picked up the crusade against the Manson killers when her mom, Doris, passed away in 1992. In the book, she recalls seeing Rose in a video on MTV, sporting the infamous T-shirt. Here was a guy reaching millions of kids every day, essentially telling them that Manson was cool, a guy to look up to.

Fast-forward to 2015. With the Cobain suicide shirt, some worry that those wearing it are sending the message that suicide is cool. Cobain gave us important music, and there are far better ways to honor the man than wearing the symbol of his lost fight against the demons.

Cobain’s daughter, Frances Bean Cobain, has spoken out against the romanticizing of suicide in recent months. Shirts like this further illustrate the problem she has tried to address.

suicide-630x420

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This Song Isn’t What You Thought It Was

In the 1990s, the band Semisonic had a hit with the song “Closing Time.” I always thought it was about closing time at a bar. Pretty much everyone did.

But according to singer-guitarist Dan Wilson, it’s about something far different. Enjoy this video as he breaks it down verse by verse.

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The Business Is Over, But Its Legacy Lives On

Those who knew me growing up remember the family business, especially the blue-and-gold building on Route 1 in Saugus across from Kappy’s Liquors. The business is closed, but it leaves a lasting legacy.

Mood music:

I’ve been helping my father manage the realty trust that’s been part of the family business, with the objective of selling the building. His eyesight is bad, so I frequently read documents aloud to him. Yesterday was one of those days, and my younger son was there, listening as I read a document that essentially described the history of the business.

On the way home, he said something that floored me: “It seems like such a waste, getting rid of an entire family business.”

I thought about it for a few minutes. Then I told him that some businesses go on for generations, while others have more limited lifespans. But like people, they leave something behind, no matter how many years they were around.

Our family business wasn’t going to go on for generations, as it turns out. None of us kids wanted to take it over. I forged a path in journalism and Internet security; my siblings took their own routes, as well. And with the advent of online shopping, our family business suffered the same fate as many other family operations, as people stopped going to mom-and-pop stores and started spending their money online.

But it wasn’t a waste. It provided the family with a living when it was needed and helped us shape the futures we wanted.

For me personally, the business produced the resources my parents needed to get me the medical care I needed as a child. Later, it provided me with the resources to go to college. I met Erin at college and studied journalism there. Erin and I got married and had kids, and my career is still going strong, 20 years later.

Without the resources of the family business, chances are that none of that would have happened.

The business gave a lot of long-time employees a living to raise their own families with, too.

The stuff my father and stepmom sold — headwear and footwear for weddings and proms, party supplies, wedding invitations, favors, and so on — gave countless customers what they needed to build precious memories.

A waste? Hardly.

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MLK on the Hole in Your Soul

This being the day we celebrate the life and legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., I thought it appropriate to share 10 favorite quotes from the man. He didn’t just lead the way on Civil Rights. He led the way on addressing that hole in the soul that caused people to be full of racism and rage to begin with.

It’s that same hole that turns many of us into addicts and bullies. May his words cut through your soul and attack whatever demons that hold you back.

Mood music:

“Rarely do we find men who willingly engage in hard, solid thinking. There is an almost universal quest for easy answers and half-baked solutions. Nothing pains some people more than having to think.”

“The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict.”

“That old law about ‘an eye for an eye’ leaves everybody blind. The time is always right to do the right thing.”

“We who engage in nonviolent direct action are not the creators of tension. We merely bring to the surface the hidden tension that is already alive.”

“Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness.”

“It may be true that the law cannot make a man love me, but it can keep him from lynching me, and I think that’s pretty important.”

“Never succumb to the temptation of bitterness.”

“An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.”

“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”

“We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.”

MLK Jr. I Have a Dream