Bill Brenner

And The Sea Will Save You

by Bill Brenner July 6, 2011 Coping tools

When I wrote a post called “Summers of Love and Hate” last year, the theme was a childhood mixed with joy and rage against the backdrop of Revere Beach. The memories are still stained with sorrow. But, truth be told, the location of my upbringing is one of the things that saved me. Mood music: The sea could be terrifying, especially in the winter. The Blizzard of 1978 is my clearest memory of that. But…  [Read More]

Not What God Wants Me To Be, But Not The Person I was

by Bill Brenner July 6, 2011 Addiction

The title of this post is a popular saying among those who use the 12 Steps to bring their addictive behavior to heel. It’s a good line to keep in mind when you’re ready to lose patience with yourself and slip into self-loathing. Mood music: http://youtu.be/jYpydtdlWxA There’s a lot about myself that still has to change. I still get angry too easily. I still get self absorbed. I still give in to OCD thinking and…  [Read More]

Social Anxiety, Alcohol And Whatever Else Numbed Me

by Bill Brenner July 5, 2011 Addiction

Addicts often become the way they are because they suffer from severe social anxiety. To carry on in a large group setting is as painful as having a leg sawed off while wide awake. I know the feeling very well.   Item: It’s December 2001 and I’m at the home of the big boss for the annual Christmas party. I skipped out on this celebration a year earlier because talking to co-workers about anything other…  [Read More]

The Heaviest Rock, The Mightiest Recovery Tool

by Bill Brenner July 4, 2011 Coping tools

Something about the Fourth of July really gives me a craving for heavy metal music. Of course, not a day goes by where I don’t need to listen to some of it. It’s one of the major tools of my recovery from OCD and addiction. Allow me to explain… 1984 This is the year my older brother died. But even without that, life was pretty miserable. I wasn’t exactly popular in school. I was overweight…  [Read More]

Music To Play When Blowing Stuff Up

by Bill Brenner July 4, 2011 Music therapy

This being Independence Day, I thought I’d do something different and make a little soundtrack for ya. When blowing up those illegal Chinese fireworks, play this. http://youtu.be/aMfkVGCU_BA

A Tried & True Marriage, A Blessed Anniversary

by Bill Brenner July 1, 2011 Family

Dad and Dianne were married on this day back in 1984, and theirs is one of the most tried and true marriages I’ve seen. Mood music: They married months after my brother’s death and, a little over a year later, had a daughter who brought enormous joy to a family that was still trying to get over that death. They’ve lasted through the many illnesses of their children and have kept a business going together…  [Read More]

Erin’s Avett Brothers Birthday Present, Part 2

by Bill Brenner June 30, 2011 Family

This post is for Erin on her birthday. Mood music: http://youtu.be/3uy4tK5q0KE I know I gave you your birthday present early: an Avett Brothers concert almost a month ago. But I’ve been thinking about this band lately and realize that one reason I like them so much is that a lot of their songs make me think of you. A lot of their songs are about love that gets tested only to grow stronger than before,…  [Read More]

A New(ish) Weapon Against OCD Fidget Syndrome

by Bill Brenner June 29, 2011 Coping tools

At any number of events, you can see me darting around all over the place, taking pictures with my Android phone. The obvious reason is that I want to capture the special events in life. But it has also become a good weapon against what I call OCD Fidget Syndrome. Mood music: I’ve mentioned the fidgeting before. A byproduct of my OCD is a serious discomfort with sitting properly for any length of time. One…  [Read More]

A Visit To The Prozac Nurse

by Bill Brenner June 29, 2011 Coping tools

Last night was my annual pilgrimage to Beverly, Mass. for an appointment with the nurse who manages my Prozac intake. She has done better for me than my primary care doctor did. Here’s why. Mood music: Drugs used to treat mental disorders must be tightly controlled. Too little and it won’t help you. Too much can make your disorder worse. When I first started taking Prozac in 2007, my primary care doctor was prescribing it….  [Read More]

A Relationship That Changed for the Better

by Bill Brenner June 28, 2011 Family

Since my father’s stroke last month, I’ve had some long talks with Dianne, my step-mom. Those conversations illustrate how much we’ve both changed over the years. Or is it just me who has changed? Mood music: Let me be honest: Ours has never been an easy relationship. I spent the better part of my teens and 20s resenting her to the core. Our quarrels had all the drama of a TNT series. The two of…  [Read More]

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