Bill Brenner

Sponsor Shopping

by Bill Brenner December 2, 2010 Addiction

The changes I need to make to take my recovery to the next level are well  underway. But an important piece of the puzzle might prove more challenging than I first thought. Mood music (I’m on a deep Smashing Pumkins kick this week): [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4gFpiRD2PI&fs=1&hl=en_US] I’m shopping around for a new sponsor. I need a male sponsor, and I need to change focus to a deeper study of the 12 Steps. Seems simple, right? Well, it’s…  [Read More]

Readings From The Book Of Crap

by Bill Brenner December 1, 2010 Communication Skills

I’ve noticed a sad phenomena in the halls of recovery. And I’ve had just about enough of it. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60J6HlvfePM&fs=1&hl=en_US] A lot of my 12-Step brothers and sisters have a saying: “I’m taking inventory.” It’s supposed to be about reflecting on your own growth and behavior. But it’s really about trash talking other people. One person is doing too much of it lately. Everyone who walks into an OA, AA or NA meeting is a little…  [Read More]

Feeling anxious

by Bill Brenner December 1, 2010 Fear and anxiety

No, it’s not an anxiety attack. It’s not fear. But it’s a feeling of anxiousness I haven’t felt in a long while. The trigger is an old friend. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvxHFmKl_Qo&fs=1&hl=en_US] I used to live in a constant state of panic over work. The constant fear of not measuring up or being liked. A couple years ago I largely lost those fears. I just decided to do the best I could for me and let…  [Read More]

Bullied Minds, Bad Choices

by Bill Brenner November 30, 2010 Addiction

I’m quite taken with this Boston Globe article about the long-term impact of bullying. There’s some truth to the conclusions, but also a lot of bullshit. Mood music: [spotify:track:0xwK8KzT8gFa7f4MsYYpQu] Of the new research, the Globe article says the following: A new wave of research into bullying’s effects … is now suggesting … that in fact, bullying can leave an indelible imprint on a teen’s brain at a time when it is still growing and developing….  [Read More]

The Bullied Brain Goes Boom

by Bill Brenner November 29, 2010 Depression

The Boston Globe has an interesting story about going “Inside the bullied brain.” You might want to read it and offer up your opinion, because I have very, very strong opinions about this issue and I’m going to write about it in the morning before work.

Saving My Recovery, Continued

by Bill Brenner November 29, 2010 Addiction

I huge weight is off my shoulders. I’ve gone from talking about the changes that’ll help me preserve my sobriety and abstinence to doing what I said I’d do. Mood music: Pearl Jam covering Mother Love Bone’s “Crown of Thorns” I told my sponsor that hitting the reset button means I have to replace her. She said she would never do anything to get in the way of my recovery. She’s a dear friend who…  [Read More]

How I’ll Save My Sobriety and Abstinence

by Bill Brenner November 28, 2010 Sobriety and abstinence

I mentioned a few posts ago that I’ve hit a wall in my recovery program. I shared about it at yesterday’s OA meeting, and as the day progressed, I realized what I need to do to stay sober and abstinent. MOOD MUSIC: “GRACE” BY U2. CLICK HERE TO LET IT PLAY. I should point out that I’m not depressed about having to make changes. There’s no anxiety or fear driving this. It’s just a calm,…  [Read More]

Life After Death: When Is It OK to Live Again?

by Bill Brenner November 27, 2010 Grief management

Going to the wake of my friend‘s mom, I found myself engaged in a strange line of thinking. Memories of past deaths came back to me. Michael. Sean. Peter. All the grandparents. Not in a bad way, either. Mood music: [spotify:track:67Cg1LnmtmJDOZEzCvP6mk] In a bizarre game of mental math, I started thinking about how long it took me to bounce back from each death. It’s a stupid game to play, because there’s no science or arithmetic…  [Read More]

Facebook Follow Friday: Thank Ya Edition

by Bill Brenner November 26, 2010 Gratitude

Welcome to week five of this new tradition of mine: Giving the nod to some of my Facebook friends for giving my spirits a lift and teaching me new things. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIUJg8-W5RE&fs=1&hl=en_US] A reminder on what this is about: There’s a thing we do on Twitter called Follow Friday, where we list people we follow and suggest others do the same. I figured Facebook should have something similar, so here it is. There’s a lot of…  [Read More]

Sleep

by Bill Brenner November 26, 2010 Gratitude

Thanks to a strict food plan I follow to keep the binge-eating disorder in its box, I’m not walking around a bloated mess like I used to. Instead, I gorged on something else yesterday. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axzRdFOYpqg&fs=1&hl=en_US] I napped in the morning, I napped in the afternoon and I have no regrets. I’ve always had an interesting relationship with sleep. Back when I was slowly destroying myself, I would fall asleep at all the wrong…  [Read More]

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