Bill Brenner

Homeless Men, Inc.

by Bill Brenner October 27, 2010 Gratitude

Observation: There are a lot of homeless people on the streets of Toronto. It’s a lot like San Francisco, except these guys have a stunning cleverness about them. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VsCtUj9K_tw&fs=1&hl=en_US] You’re asking what this has to do with addiction, recovery and mental health, and here’s the answer: Whenever I travel and see someone living on the street, I’m reminded of just how easily I could have ended up the same way, and how my…  [Read More]

Sober in Toronto (Better Than in San Fran)

by Bill Brenner October 26, 2010 Addiction

The #SecTorCa security conference finds me surrounded by more booze than I confronted at the RSA conference back in March. But I think I’m learning how to be sober at these events. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rB6a2jYfxNs&fs=1&hl=en_US] A little history: A little over two years ago I gave up flower and sugar and started weighing almost all of my food as part of my 12-Step program of recovery from a binge-eating addiction. But I clung to the…  [Read More]

Stuff My Kids Say, Part 2

by Bill Brenner October 26, 2010 Children's issues

Sean and Duncan continue to give me a fresh perspective on a world that can be full of trouble. Life getting you down? Feel like shutting out the world? Read this instead. For more of the whit and wisdom of the Brenner boys, see last week’s post. –Duncan, watching a rack of CDs fall on a girl in the bookstore (the kid was freaked out): “I hope those CDs don’t get a scratch in them.” –Duncan:…  [Read More]

Facing Down a Fear

by Bill Brenner October 25, 2010 Fear and anxiety

One thing I’ve become somewhat obsessed with in my recovery is facing down specific fears. Public speaking is one example. Now I do that often and with ease. Today I scratched something else off the list. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1Sypr3mF44&fs=1&hl=en_US] I’m in Toronto for the SecTor security conference, and before buckling down to work I took a couple hours to walk around and clear my head. Looking up, I saw the tip of the CN Tower,…  [Read More]

My OCD is Alive and Well

by Bill Brenner October 25, 2010 Coping tools

Packing for a trip to Toronto, I caught myself doing some very OCD-like things. Even in recovery, it’s always there, below the surface. Here are a few examples. Mood music: What I did: I checked all the contents in my laptop bag last night. Three times. I took the laptop out and put it back in three times. I checked my digital recorder three times. I thrice checked to make sure the bottle of Prozac…  [Read More]

Out of the Closet, Into the Light

by Bill Brenner October 23, 2010 Addiction

My kid sister-in-law told me a friend of hers has admitted to some hefty demons. I won’t mention the person’s name (I don’t know her, actually), but I know where she’s been. Mood music: [spotify:track:5F6rwEF15hN1jnhNk2YQHn] This is a little message for her friend, in the event she someday stumbles upon this blog: Outing yourself is a hard thing to do. When I did it, I was terrified at first because I thought my mental struggles…  [Read More]

Soundtrack of the Week

by Bill Brenner October 23, 2010 Music therapy

I’m starting a Saturday tradition. Since music — especially metal — has been a vital tool in my recovery from OCD and addiction, I’m going to celebrate each Saturday by sharing songs that got me through the week. Welcome to my party. Songs that pulled me through this week: Let’s start with Zippo Raid. I got a copy of their “Punk is in Season” album at the benefit for Joe Zippo last week and can’t…  [Read More]

Thank You, Joy

by Bill Brenner October 22, 2010 Gratitude

This post is about something I should have told someone 14 years ago — a long overdue nod of appreciation. Mood music: [spotify:track:13SlzLb33cggKzAeeLONts] When someone commits suicide, the guilt-stricken survivors obsess about why they didn’t catch on to their loved one’s depression sooner so they could have helped. That was me after my friend Sean Marley died. I spent the next decade-plus thinking about it. Really, I was just thinking about myself. That’s what addicts…  [Read More]

Things My Kids Say

by Bill Brenner October 21, 2010 Children's issues

When life gets you down and you feel like shutting out the world, a child’s perspective will always give you a mental boost. That’s what Sean and Duncan have taught me. They also know how to trigger my OCD-isms,  but I’ve covered that already. This post is all about their spirit-lifting wisdom. (Guest appearance by their cousin Madison.) –Heard in the bathroom: Sean singing to no one in particular, “Your butt’s too big to be real…”…  [Read More]

One More Thing About Being Depressed and Gay…

by Bill Brenner October 20, 2010 Depression

A lot of folks have left comments on my post about homosexuality and depression. All of them are excellent, thoughtful responses and I hope you’ll check them out. But there’s one response I’m puzzled over. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOx37_h0UH8&fs=1&hl=en_US] It came from David Nedlin, operations manager at Beyond the 12 Steps. He left the following comment in the “Mental Health and Addiction Specialist” forum on LinkedIn, where I sometimes post my blog entries: “Ridiculous post – I thought this…  [Read More]

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