Bill Brenner

And Then There Were Three

by Bill Brenner July 7, 2010 Addiction

God has a warped way of giving you what you need. Case in point: He keeps sending me people to sponsor in my 12-Step recovery program. It’s as if He knows I’ve been walking a tightrope and need other addicts around to keep me in check.

Summertime Blues is a Punk

by Bill Brenner July 6, 2010 Depression

When I’m at that point where the tools make things better, the best way to describe it is that I get out of my own way and show up for life.

Dirty Recovery

by Bill Brenner July 5, 2010 Addiction

The author on how his recovery enters a sort of Purgatory around summer holidays. Mood music for this post: “Locomotive” by Guns N Roses: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvYWyPKZ5G4&hl=en_US&fs=1] There’s a danger for a recovering addict around summer holidays like July 4th. It’s a rather obvious statement. But I’m feeling it from my own perch as a recovering binge eater. I’m in a place I’ll call dirty recovery. My abstinence is intact. I have not gone on a binge….  [Read More]

Real Men (and Women) Ask for Help

by Bill Brenner July 3, 2010 Communication Skills

The author learns that sometimes he has to put his pride aside to do the right thing. Mood music for this post: “Ride On” by AC/DC: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZo12LIWqYw&hl=en_US&fs=1] One of the more unfortunate byproducts of my OCD is that I don’t like to ask for help when I need it. This flaw has taken me to the brink of a nervous breakdown many times. When you struggle with addiction and mental disorder, you cling hard to…  [Read More]

Things You Do When You’re a Sponsor

by Bill Brenner July 1, 2010 Addiction

The phone rings. It’s one of people I’m sponsoring in OA. Here’s the conversation that followed. Me: “So how you doing?” Sponsee: “Not so good. There’s a bag of potato chips in the house and I want them badly.” Me: “I see.” Sponsee: “I’m not sure what to do.” Me: “Get the bag of chips and do everything I say.” Sponsee: “OK.” Me: “Open the bag and stick it under the kitchen faucet.” Sponsee: “Uh,…  [Read More]

Don’t Let a Hard Week Take You Down

by Bill Brenner July 1, 2010 Coping tools

As I write this my head is pounding. I’m feeling restless and tired. I’m ultra sensitive to the sound of the birds outside my open living room window. But, oddly enough, beneath it all I’m in a pretty good mood.

The Love Story Continues (Happy Birthday, Erin)

by Bill Brenner June 30, 2010 Love

Today is my wife’s 39th birthday. Without her, I would be nowhere. My recovery from mental illness and addiction was only possible because of her. So in honor of this day, I’ve dug up THE POST on the two of us: Mood music for this post: “An Easterly View” by Bear McCreary, because nothing says love like a sweeping piece of music from Battlestar Gallactica: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmvNJiylUa0&hl=en_US&fs=1&] The Freak and the Redhead: A Love Story I wasn’t looking…  [Read More]

The Downward Spiral

by Bill Brenner June 29, 2010 Depression

I was going to start this with some amusing anecdote about how I’m suffering so others might be saved. Jesus already did that sort of thing, of course. Dopes like me think it’s good to suffer to benefit others, but it’s really just delusional thinking we engage in to feel better about ourselves when the chips are down.

Emotions That Come from a Strange Place

by Bill Brenner June 28, 2010 Depression

The author finds himself walking between depression and hope. A strange place to be. (Written during a depressive episode in 2010.) Mood music for this post: Henry Rollins’ “I Think I Know You” performed over “A Warm Place,” from Nine Inch Nails’ “Downward Spiral” album: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2CPIT4nsT24&hl=en_US&fs=1&] Yesterday was a perfect example of the strange place I’m in emotionally these days. It started well enough. A good Mass at church in the morning, a phone conversation…  [Read More]

Careful How You Help Others

by Bill Brenner June 27, 2010 Coping tools

The author on the need for boundaries when helping people in need. Mood music for this post: “Ten Years Gone,” The Black Crows with Jimmy Page: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWovzhNH4TQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&] Being someone who has benefited greatly from the kindness of others, I’m forever trying to pay it forward. One way I do this is by sponsoring people in my 12-Step Program. But if you don’t handle this blade carefully, it will cut you deep. That’s what I’m learning,…  [Read More]

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