Bill Brenner

You Just Wouldn’t Understand (The Liar’s Disease II)

by Bill Brenner June 14, 2010 Addiction

Addicts lie because of the shame. But there’s another reason for all the sneaking around. Mood music for this post: John Lennon’s “Cold Turkey,” as covered by Cheap Trick: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5e04OBJzbvc&hl=en_US&fs=1&] My boredom-induced brush with bad behavior Saturday night led to a conversation with Erin about the things I used to do when I was deep in the haze of my binge-eating addiction. She knows I lied a lot back then. I was a world-class sneak….  [Read More]

Boredom: An Addict’s Worst Friend

by Bill Brenner June 13, 2010 Addiction

Boredom is one of the most dangerous things an addict can encounter. Mood music for this post: “What’s It Gonna Take” by Motley Crue: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHk7h-xik-E&hl=en_US&fs=1&] Last night Erin was working, the kids were in bed and I had time on my hands. It wasn’t long before I started to feel bored. Not good for someone with an addictive personality. Boredom means the mind is free to start spinning. I feel uneasy and can’t settle on…  [Read More]

Every Gift But Length of Years

by Bill Brenner June 11, 2010 Depression

An untimely death has the author rethinking the meaning of life. Mood music for this post: “Alive” by P.O.D.: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFG820EwvUQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&] After JFK Jr., his wife and sister-in-law were killed when the plane they were in hit the ocean in the summer of 1999, the late Sen. Edward “Uncle Teddy” Kennedy said at the memorial service that his nephew had “every gift but length of years.” It reminds me of an interview done years ago with…  [Read More]

My Attitude is Gratitude

by Bill Brenner June 11, 2010 Gratitude

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about life in recovery from mental illness and addiction, it’s that nobody gets better without a lot of help. God works through different people. These three entries are about just some of the people who have helped me along… Mood music for this post: “Classic Girl” from Jane’s Addiction: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_KFq8A32Y4&hl=en_US&fs=1&] We’re in This Together Now: Gratitude List, Part 2 The author realizes it’s not about what you do, but…  [Read More]

The (Mostly) Lighter Side of THE OCD DIARIES

by Bill Brenner June 11, 2010 Lighthearted

Who says the author has no sense of humor? Mood music for this post: “Mother—– of the Year” by Motley Crue: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pA1ICeWMhY&hl=en_US&fs=1&] Some of the more light-hearted posts from the last couple months: Case study: Darth Vader and His Brother Chad The author finds a CNN article suggesting Darth Vader suffered from mental illness. Looking back, it all makes perfect sense. http://www.theocddiaries.com/2010/06/10/case-study-darth-vader-and-his-brother-chad/ The Case for Multiple Personalities The author embraces the multiple personalities in his…  [Read More]

Case study: Darth Vader and His Brother Chad

by Bill Brenner June 10, 2010 Lighthearted

The author finds a CNN article suggesting Darth Vader suffered from mental illness. Looking back, it all makes perfect sense. Mood music for this post: “The Imperial March” METAL version! [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRWAi-OjdRg&hl=en_US&fs=1&] Darth Vader is one of the most famous movie villains on the planet. He is responsible for billions of deaths. He let his temper get the better of him. But looking back, he was just another misunderstood sufferer of mental illness. CNN tells me…  [Read More]

Too Young for the Truth?

by Bill Brenner June 9, 2010 Children's issues

Sean learns more about the man he’s named for than the author intended at this young age. All things considered, he took it well. Mood music for this post: “Leslie Anne Levine” from The Decemberists: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ml0VI8VZO2U&hl=en_US&fs=1&] Sean and Duncan were fighting in the bathtub. I can’t remember what started it, or what sparked this angry comment from Sean: “I’d rather commit suicide than apologize [for whatever he did].”  I punished him by making him go…  [Read More]

We’re in This Together Now: Gratitude List, Part 2

by Bill Brenner June 8, 2010 Gratitude

The author realizes it’s not about what you do, but who you are. Mood music for this post: “We’re in This Together” by Nine Inch Nails: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P9BfvPjsXXw&hl=en_US&fs=1&] I used to have stupid ideas about how to measure a person’s worth. And when I say stupid, I mean STUPID. In my warped mind, you were nobody if you didn’t have a big important career. Then I slowly learned that it’s the overachievers like me that cause…  [Read More]

Time to End This Sentimental Journey?

by Bill Brenner June 7, 2010 Family

The author realizes it’s time to let some things go. I’ve been making frequent visits to my father’s warehouse in Saugus, Mass., lately, digging through a bunch of boxes jammed into a crevice behind many pallets piled high with more boxes. The boxes I’ve been rummaging through are 15-20 years old, and some of them break apart at the slightest touch. I’ve been hunting for my old notebooks from the late 1980s and early 1990s,…  [Read More]

How I Became the Easy Parent

by Bill Brenner June 6, 2010 Children's issues

Here’s a side of my recovery that the kids enjoy: I’m more of a push-over than I used to be. Mood music for this post: “Mama Weer All Crazee Now” by The Runaways: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4RTipAZuMRI&hl=en_US&fs=1&] Back when my OCD was out of control, I craved order. When you have kids, order is impossible. I was very big on sticking to routines. Brushing teeth and getting in pajamas by 6:30. Bed by 7:30. If it went later…  [Read More]

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