Bill Brenner

The Gratitude List

by Bill Brenner May 5, 2010 Gratitude

Some of the folks who have helped the author survive along the way. Mood music: “Life is Beautiful” (live version) by Sixx A.M.: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SgtD7hb_h38&hl=en_US&fs=1&] I’ve spent a lot of time digging up ghosts from the past of late. Yesterday I arrived at a better place on that front by feeling the joy of reconnecting with some people from that earlier life — people I thought would be lost to me forever because of the man…  [Read More]

The Healers (Adventures in Step 9)

by Bill Brenner May 4, 2010 Gratitude

Tripped on Step 9 many times. But I got back up. Here’s what happened next. Mood music for this post: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrUdulMG4Qg&hl=en_US&fs=1&] Of the 12 Steps of Recovery, three are the thorns of my existence: 8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. 9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. 10. Continued to…  [Read More]

Birthdays of the Dead

by Bill Brenner May 3, 2010 Addiction

The author observes another birthday for someone who isn’t around to celebrate. Mood music for this post: “On With The Show” by Motley Crue: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QyapJ9iCWxA&hl=en_US&fs=1&] I’m a lot better at remembering the day someone died than the day they were born. I guess that’s understandable. Birthdays come and go. Death dates for those who are close burn a scar into your brain that makes the moment feel like it only happened seconds ago. Even if…  [Read More]

Hitting Bottom

by Bill Brenner May 2, 2010 Addiction

The author didn’t hit rock bottom before he got help. He hit several bottoms. Mood music for this post: “Coma White” by Marylin Manson: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQPJYnr48yU&hl=en_US&fs=1&] You’ve heard a million variations of the story from people who have battled depression and addiction. At some point they hit bottom and have that moment of clarity when they realize they have two choices: Get help or die. Nikki Sixx from Motley Crue’s moment of truth was in December…  [Read More]

Communication Skills for the Crazy

by Bill Brenner May 1, 2010 Communication Skills

The author on how being a Communications student prepared him for the battle that was to come. Mood music for this Post: “The Hazards of Love Part 1” by The Decemberists: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fp_MVc3abXU&hl=en_US&fs=1&] I wasn’t going to blog today because it’s so damn nice out. But then I realized I could do this from the back deck, so here goes… A new reader — a soon-to-be recipient of a Salem State College degree in communications —…  [Read More]

Love Thy Anger

by Bill Brenner April 30, 2010 Mental health

The author finds a use for anger. Here’s how he uses it without the evil side-effects. Mood music for this post: “The Fight Song,” by Marilyn Manson: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GFI6Rf-IkI&hl=en_US&fs=1&] On the surface, telling people to love their anger contradicts everything this blog is about. I’m always writing about my Faith journey and overcoming mental illness and addiction, which is all about finding an inner peace. So what the hell is this about anger? In my mind,…  [Read More]

The Rewards and Risk of Service: A Cautionary Tale

by Bill Brenner April 29, 2010 Addiction

Service is a major tool of recovery. But it can also be dangerous. Mood music for this post: “Serve the Servants” by Nirvana: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtB6gEmr6ZY&hl=en_US&fs=1&] Last night was one of service. I drove down to Salem State College to talk to graduating seniors about their portfolios and resumes. It was the least I could do, after all that college did for my career. It was energizing to talk to the students, who are full of hope…  [Read More]

Needles

by Bill Brenner April 28, 2010 Crohn's Disease

Why the author has a mild obsession with needles this morning. Mood music for this post: “The Needle and the Damage Done,” by Neil Young: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gvb65dCMjZI&hl=en_US&fs=1&] Sean had his annual physical yesterday and came home in a subdued mood after having blood drawn and a booster shot. I felt kind of bad for him, but not for long. He has it easy compared to my experience with needles. Not that I ever like to see…  [Read More]

This is Your Brain on Restlessness

by Bill Brenner April 27, 2010 Addiction

The author has hit a wall with his recovery. But it’s not what you think. Mood music for this post: “Don’t Cry” by Guns N Roses: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRIbf6JqkNc&hl=en_US&fs=1&] I’ve moved past yesterday’s tiredness to a state of restlessness. By brain is at war with itself. One side wants to buckle down and tackle the editing and administrative tasks on the table. The other side wants to write a few more articles first. I have leftover material…  [Read More]

Somewhat Damaged

by Bill Brenner April 26, 2010 Mental disorders

Sometimes the author lives in overdrive. The result is pain. Mood music for this post: “Somewhat Damaged” by Nine Inch Nails: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WY0NEQd3_co&hl=en_US&fs=1&] Some of you might have read my post from yesterday about enjoying life in the parental and professional fast lane. Well, this morning I’m paying for it. My back aches. My head is numb and coffee isn’t doing much about that. I got a dull knifing sensation in the gut. And I’m ready…  [Read More]

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