Bill Brenner

Marley and Me

by Bill Brenner January 8, 2010 Addiction

The author describes the second older brother whose death hit harder than that of the first. Mood music: [soundcloud url=”http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/48842027″ iframe=”true” /] It doesn’t seem right that a friend’s death would hit me harder and fuel my insanity more than the death of a biological brother. But that’s what happened. This is the story of Sean Marley, who introduced me to metal music, taught me to love life, and whose death was one of the…  [Read More]

Lost Brothers

by Bill Brenner January 7, 2010 Children's issues

When my older brother died Jan. 7, 1984, a trend began where I would befriend people a few years older than me. A couple of them would become best friends and die prematurely themselves. It was also the day that sparked a lifelong fear of loss. It’s been so long since Michael was with us that it’s sometimes hard to remember the exact features of his face. But here’s what I do remember: We fought a…  [Read More]

How To Play Addiction Like A Piano

by Bill Brenner January 6, 2010 Addiction

The author admits that when an obsessive-compulsive person puts down the addiction that’s most self-destructive, a few smaller addictions rise up to fill the void. But what happens when the money runs out? Mood music: I hear it from addicts all the time. They put down the thing that’s caused the most chaos and heartache in their lives, but then they find themselves latching onto smaller addictions to fill the hole. Chain smoking, for example….  [Read More]

6 Guys I Look To In Times of Trouble

by Bill Brenner January 5, 2010 Coping tools

This is the perfect time to write about why I’m such a history nut. I’m in a rotten mood because my office technology is on the blink, keeping me from getting things done. People with OCD don’t just shrug off such things. We zero in on the problem like the proverbial laser beam, trying anything and everything to fix the problem until, exhausted and bewildered, we realize what we knew in the first place —…  [Read More]

Growing Pains

by Bill Brenner January 3, 2010 Depression

Despite all the progress I’ve made in managing OCD, there are still times where I forget to use my skills — momentarily, at least. This morning is a good example. I woke up depressed. Two hours later I was angry. Maybe I was getting tired of the winter outside my window. Maybe I was just plain tired. I was snapping at Erin and the children. I realized I was letting the crazy side loose and…  [Read More]

Welcome to Hell

by Bill Brenner January 3, 2010 Grief management

OK, not my own personal hell. I’ve already gone on at length about that, and while I have my good days and bad days like everyone else, I think it’s safe to say that I found my way out of my personal Hell a long time ago. But when I see other people going through theirs, it still hits me. Some of it is the old fear of loss I mentioned earlier. Some of it…  [Read More]

Prozac Winter

by Bill Brenner January 2, 2010 Depression

The author discovers that winter makes his depression worse and that there’s a purely scientific explanation — and solution. My therapist and I recently agreed that my Prozac intake should go up a bit for the duration of the winter. I’m doing well for the most part, but there’s a three-hour window of each day — usually late afternoon — where my mood slides straight into the crapper. The reason is simple: People who suffer…  [Read More]

No Year’s Resolutions

by Bill Brenner January 1, 2010 Lessons from the past

The author vows not to make any New Year’s Resolutions, because he has learned that it’s easier to meet all his objectives without that stupid list. Making New Year’s resolutions used to be a compulsive activity for me. I was always so desperate for something better that I fiendishly and feverishly made lists of what I would do in the coming year: –Stop binge eating –Stop worrying about what other people think of me –Stop…  [Read More]

OCD DIARIES 12-30: The Break

by Bill Brenner December 30, 2009 Addiction

The author tries to take a break from writing, but chaos in the form of his two sons reminds him of another lesson worth sharing. Sean and Duncan have the audacity to fight over video games at this early hour, my usual writing window. Back before I found control over the OCD, this normal childhood behavior would send me over the edge. Fighting children equals chaos. People like me don’t do chaos well. I am,…  [Read More]

Insanity to Recovery in 8 Songs or less

by Bill Brenner December 29, 2009 Coping tools

The author shares some videos that together make a bitchin’ soundtrack for those who wrestle with mental illness and addiction. The first four cover the darkness. The next four cover the light. I’ve mentioned before that I’m a devoted fan of hard rock and metal music [See How Metal Saved Me]. I’ve found that the music helps me to release whatever negative thoughts I may have at the time. And so I thought I’d share…  [Read More]

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