Courage

Finish What You Started

by Bill Brenner September 28, 2011 Adventures in writing

Funny thing about people who suffer from serious mental illness: They tend to make all these big plans but never really follow through with anything. I don’t fault them. For one thing, they have an illness. Also, I used to be just like them. Mood music: [spotify:track:37A5wFomo4EVz5tGInAynI] Watching the start-stop-start-thud behavior of a friend is reminding me of what I used to do. My friend, who I won’t name, always has some big plans afoot….  [Read More]

Narcissism Is A Fatal Illness

by Bill Brenner September 26, 2011 Communication Skills

Call it what you will: Narcissism. Selfishness. Ego. We’re all a little full of ourselves. But people like me are worse than others. It’s a shameful thing, but it’s the truth. People with addictive tendencies tend to be the most selfish souls alive. Mood music: [spotify:track:76Je5Wklky23mVoxiRszcN] And that’s why we have Step 3 in the 12 Steps of Recovery: “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we…  [Read More]

Beauty And Gratitude In Every Bad Thing

by Bill Brenner September 25, 2011 Adventures in writing

In the battle to manage OCD and all its byproducts, I’ve learned something that’s helped me a lot: To always see the blessings hidden within the bad stuff. Mood music: –When I lose people close to me because of death or resentment, I try to remember the good stuff we got to share and how lucky I was to have known those who eventually left me. –When I feel my addictions starting to creep up…  [Read More]

Why Is This Blog So Dark?

by Bill Brenner September 24, 2011 Addiction

People occasionally ask me why this blog covers so much dark ground. Let’s see if I can explain: My life has been much like any typical run. We all go through our sad and tragic episodes, with a lot of good times and beautiful experiences mixed in. There are happy moments and terrible moments. Some get swallowed up by the darkness and descend into a life of crime, addiction and death. Others find a way…  [Read More]

Be Yourself, And Let The Chips Fall Wherever

by Bill Brenner September 23, 2011 Addiction

If someone doesn’t like you, too bad for them. Mood music: From the good folks at “Choose Happiness” — something to keep in mind when people get all snotty and hypocritical about who you are and what you do:

Paranoia Was My Destroyer

by Bill Brenner September 21, 2011 Addiction

There’s a particularly insidious side of my OCD that I have to fight hard to contain, because it’s the thing most likely to destroy me. This is a story about paranoia. Mood music: Let’s start with a definition from Wikipedia: Paranoia is a thought process believed to be heavily influenced by anxiety or fear, often to the point of irrationality and delusion. Paranoid thinking typically includes persecutory beliefs, or beliefs of conspiracy concerning a perceived threat towards oneself. Anxiety and fear once played a major…  [Read More]

Let’s Stop Calling It Ground Zero

by Bill Brenner September 19, 2011 Communication Skills

I’ve written a lot about 9-11 in this blog. How could I avoid it? Nothing has fueled the fear, anxiety and depression of a nation like that terrible day. Whenever I’m here, I visit Ground Zero. Part of it is a need to pay my respects to all who died there. Some of it is an obsessive-compulsive impulse. A lot of it is that whenever I see the construction workers hauling ass down there, it inspires…  [Read More]

A Relapse Isn’t The End Of The World

by Bill Brenner September 16, 2011 Addiction

When a person relapses back into addictive behavior, it seems like the end of the world. Everything they’ve worked for is in ashes, and they embrace their old demon with reckless abandon. It shouldn’t have to be that way. Mood music: [spotify:track:1JKiRbc7uA6B9QrO3I1zZH] I’m thinking hard about this because I came close to a relapse recently, and a friend now finds himself in a full, free-falling backslide. A lot of people have a hard time seeing…  [Read More]

Deal With It, Get Over It And Get Out Of My Way

by Bill Brenner September 12, 2011 Addiction

It’s been an emotional few days. I came to the edge of a relapse. A father figure died. Then there was the 9-11 anniversary. This stuff can burn a person down to nothing. But I don’t burn like I used to. Mood music: It’s funny how people react not only to their own adversity, but that of others. Some people become incapacitated with grief when a pet dies and some of us want to say,…  [Read More]

My Brain Is On The Pavement. But At Least I Showered

by Bill Brenner September 9, 2011 Addiction

It’s hard to pinpoint the moment my recovery started getting wobbly and I started getting sloppy. I don’t know if it’s fully accurate to call this a relapse, but it’s pretty damn close. Mood music: One thing is certain: I’m in a shaky place lately, and this is as good a place to sort things out. Talking is always better, but sometimes I have to write it. I’ve been very tired lately, and in my…  [Read More]

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