Dealing with life

A New Season of SAD: Self-Doubt Shows Up

by Bill Brenner November 5, 2014 Dealing with life

In what seemed like seconds after turning the calendar to November, a wave of depression hit me hard. It dogged me through the weekend and it’s with me now. With it comes feelings of self-doubt. Mood music: Those who know me see me as a confident man, and most of the time I am. I’ve been through enough to know that with the right attitude and will, things ultimately work out. I’m usually confident about…  [Read More]

The Beauty in the Wreck

by Bill Brenner November 3, 2014 Dealing with life

Kelly Lum (a.k.a., @aloria) has been an acquaintance for nearly four years, though I wouldn’t say we’re close friends. We’re both part of the information security community and bump into each other at the occasional conference. When we do talk, we find one thing in common. A life-long struggle with depression. Mood music: I’ve been open about it in this blog. She’s been open about it in her social media postings. Last week, she published an…  [Read More]

The Fat Guy on the Plane

by Bill Brenner October 30, 2014 Dealing with life

An online posting about a guy who supposedly had to suffer through a flight sitting next to an obese man has gone viral. Like many things that go viral online, it’s bullshit. Mood music: Rich Wisken blogged that he paid an extra £13.50 for an exit-row seat, expecting to travel from Perth to Sydney with plenty of room. But he found himself seated beside an obese man. Wisken said “Jabba the Hutt” smelled like old cheese…  [Read More]

On Being the Office Jerk

by Bill Brenner October 21, 2014 Dealing with life

Every office environment has its challenges. There are always colleagues who see the world differently from you. There are always situations that require extra work hours to address. Nothing is ever perfect. Knowing that, in recent years I’ve worked hard to be the cheerful guy in whatever office I work in, the one who always smiles, never talks badly about others and always keeps a can-do attitude. But when my OCD runs hot, I become…  [Read More]

Just Showing Up Is a Victory (Updated 6-5-20)

by Bill Brenner October 16, 2014 Dealing with life

As anyone prone to mental disorder and depression knows, there are days when it’s all you can do to get out of bed in the morning. The pain in your emotional space travels to every muscle, every bone and everywhere on the skin. Why bother? These moments used to give me cravings for dark, quiet rooms with a bed or couch, where I could binge eat, smoke, drink and sleep — in that order. In…  [Read More]

A Vulnerable Soul, a Big Mountain and a Bigger Lesson

by Bill Brenner October 15, 2014 Dealing with life

After weeks of feeling exhausted, depressed and out of control, I escaped to New Hampshire’s White Mountains with Erin for some rest, relaxation, romance, and hiking. We found all those things, but I also found myself humbled and shamed when hiking up the mountains. Mood music: After a back injury, job stresses and the breakdown of my food plan, I knew I was out of shape when we started up Mt. Willard in Crawford Notch….  [Read More]

Those Scars Are for Life

by Bill Brenner September 9, 2014 Dealing with life

Yesterday I came across this quote from Rose Kennedy, late matriarch of the 20th-century political dynasty: “It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” –Rose Kennedy Whatever you may think of the Kennedys, it’s a fact that Rose lived through more than her fair share of grief. Her…  [Read More]

Trying to Make Peace with Prednisone

by Bill Brenner September 2, 2014 Dealing with life

I’ve been on Prednisone for five days now, and the side effects are kicking in. My appetite has gone from zero to 100, and my moodiness is considerable. Mood music: But the drug is doing its work, easing my back pain from shooting, piercing spasms to a more manageable dull ache. Now I remember why they used to put me on this shit for Crohn’s Disease. When it comes to putting the freeze on inflamed…  [Read More]

A Back-Breaking Plot Twist

by Bill Brenner August 26, 2014 Dealing with life

Awhile back, I wrote about learning to roll with the unexpected punches life hurls at you. I called those occasions plot twists. Yesterday I got one hell of a plot twist, and at first I had trouble following my own advice. Mood music: The back injury I wrote about yesterday is much worse than I thought. I went to the chiropractor, figuring he’d fix me and I’d be on my way, even though I’d reached…  [Read More]

Revere Tornado: Was Reaction Overblown?

by Bill Brenner July 30, 2014 Dealing with life

Someone on Facebook complained about those who compared the damage done to Broadway in Revere after a tornado tore through on Monday to a war zone. Soldiers who’ve seen battle wouldn’t appreciate the comparison, he said, and the damage was nothing like what people experience regularly in the Midwest, where entire towns are wiped from the map. Mood music: Normally, I’d agree with a statement like that. I spend much of my blogging time pointing out all…  [Read More]

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