Depression

Happy Depression

by Bill Brenner October 11, 2012 Depression

I’ve been in a mental space lately that some would consider strange. I’m somewhat depressed but also fairly content and happy. To most people, feeling all those things at once doesn’t make sense. You’re either happy or depressed. But I’ve found that it’s more complicated than that. Mood music: [soundcloud url=”http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/33409634″ iframe=”true” /] I used to spend my depressive episodes curled up in a ball, feeling sorry for myself. Depression was cause for making the…  [Read More]

The Winter Bill Blues

by Bill Brenner October 9, 2012 Depression

This is a typically a shitty time of year for me, when I come off the high of summer and crash hard onto the cold pavement. When the days grow shorter and the air colder, I become easy prey for seasonal depression. And when that state of mind sets in, I usually do something very stupid. Winter 2011: By February, I was forgetting things all the time, including Valentine’s Day. I was traveling on this…  [Read More]

Putting a Face on Suicide

by Bill Brenner September 24, 2012 Depression

There’s a page on Facebook everyone should check out called Putting a Face on Suicide. It’s powerful stuff. Mood music: [spotify:track:14YR9VCoseu7zq2dx9Qr6w] Having lost a close friend to suicide, this page hits me where I live. We hear about suicide statistics all the time. We know of the famous suicides, like Ernest Hemingway and Kurt Cobain. But regular people die by their own hand every day, and their faces are easily forgotten. That’s what makes this…  [Read More]

Nine Things to Consider When Life Starts to Suck

by Bill Brenner July 19, 2012 Depression

On my worst days, when depression takes over and common sense goes out the window, I try to remember the following to put my life back into perspective. I’ve had my share of bad health, but family and friends have always helped me through. Some friends and family dealing with cancer right now know what I’m talking about. I hate the snow, cold and darkness of winter. But winter always gives way to spring and…  [Read More]

Fatherhood Saved Ozzy, Eddie & Me

by Bill Brenner May 4, 2012 Addiction

Yesterday I watched the “God Bless Ozzy Osbourne” documentary, which focused heavily on how his addictions maimed him and his family over four decades. Though my addictive behavior pales by comparison, it still struck a chord. Mood music: [spotify:track:6xb9RiyqpDXWF4wUYPDwI2] What hit me deepest is how Ozzy finally decided to get real sobriety after his son Jack had kicked drugs and alcohol. It took his son to show him the light. There’s a similar plot in…  [Read More]

‘Fixing OCD’ Article Is Badly Misleading

by Bill Brenner May 2, 2012 Adventures in writing

An article in The Atlantic called “5 Very Specific Ways to Fix Your OCD” blows it from the start — in the headline. OCD sufferers know damn well that you can’t fix OCD. You can only learn to manage it and make it less of a disrupting force in your life. Mood music: [spotify:track:74gJqWYjsfTyG4tSjhkoh7] Knowing that as I do, I’m dissapointed that the writer would give OCD sufferers false hope, followed by five pieces of advice…  [Read More]

A Few Degrees South Of A Relapse

by Bill Brenner April 30, 2012 Addiction

My recovery program for compulsive binge eating hasn’t been right lately. This is where I come clean about something many go through after extended periods of abstinance and sobriety. Mood music: I haven’t been to many OA meetings lately. I haven’t called my sponsor in awhile. I was getting to a point a couple weeks ago where I realized I was also getting sloppy with the food. It’s always the little things you get reckless about: Instead of…  [Read More]

Addiction — And Security Journalism — Showed Me That Anonymity Matters

by Bill Brenner April 27, 2012 Addiction

Journalists like me have never been particularly comfortable using anonymous sources. When you don’t name names, someone inevitably questions if your source is real or imagined. But after dealing with some addictions in recent years, I feel differently about it. Mood music: There are some important distinctions to be made from the outset: I’ve written opinion pieces in my day job as a security journalist that have been critical of the hacker group Anonymous for…  [Read More]

The Monkey Will ALWAYS Be On Your Back

by Bill Brenner April 25, 2012 Addiction

I’m standing at a bar in Boston with my wife and stepmom. They order wine and I order coffee. My stepmom beams and says something about how awesome it is that I beat my demons. I appreciate the pride and the sentiment. But it’s also dangerous when someone tells a recovering addict that they’ve pulled the monkey off their back for good. Mood music: Here’s the thing about that monkey: You can smack him around,…  [Read More]

Strong Too Long, Or Weak Too Often?

by Bill Brenner April 23, 2012 Addiction

There’s a saying on Facebook that depression isn’t a sign of weakness, but simply the result of being strong for too long. Somewhat true — though weakness does feed the beast. Mood music: I’m feeling it this morning. I’ve always taken a certain level of satisfaction from my ability to stay standing in the face of death, illness, family dysfunction, depression and addiction. Sometimes, I get an over-inflated sense of survivor’s pride. People love to…  [Read More]

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