Depression

For Winter Blues, Listen To Van Halen

by Bill Brenner January 11, 2012 Depression

I originally wrote this in 2012. But as I sit here in 2015 listening to Van Halen to celebrate Eddie Van Halen’s 60th birthday — and with a major blizzard on its way to my neck of the woods — it’s worth a re-post. This is about using music in winter to put the brain in summer mode. Mood music: As I search for the necessary adjustments to get past bouts of S.A.D. (winter-induced depression) each winter,…  [Read More]

Traci Foust Talks OCD on NPR

by Bill Brenner January 5, 2012 Adventures in writing

Erin is playing me an NPR broadcast about OCD. I went looking for the link to include here and tripped over another good NPR segment. This one is an interview with Traci Foust, author of “Nowhere Near Normal: A Memoir of OCD.” I recently connected with Traci on Facebook and she’s a great resource for understanding the disorder. Do yourself a favor and listen to it HERE. While we’re on the topic, it’s also worth checking…  [Read More]

My Happy Lamp Isn’t Working As I’d Hoped

by Bill Brenner January 5, 2012 Depression

Me and the happy lamp Erin bought me to combat winter depression aren’t seeing eye to eye. Everyone I talk to who uses one says it works. But here’s my problem… Mood music: http://youtu.be/UXFUnnoSphY As I stare at the florescent glow that’s supposed to simulate sunlight, a nagging thought dogs me: “It’s just not the same as real sunlight,” I keep telling myself. There’s something about genuine sunlight — how it bounces off trees and…  [Read More]

Hey, Mom, Read This

by Bill Brenner January 4, 2012 Depression

I got a call from my mother this morning. She says she’s been reading every post in this blog and that she’s very worried about me. “You have a beautiful wife, two healthy kids and a wonderful job, yet I read your blog and see someone who is very unhappy and disturbed,” she told me. Incredibly, she was worried that I might try to hurt myself someday. Nothing is further from the truth. Which brings…  [Read More]

Do I Think About My Disease 24-7?

by Bill Brenner January 4, 2012 Addiction

Someone recently asked if I think about my disease 24-7 and, if so, whether doing so is perilous to those around me. In this case, the disease is OCD and the addictions that go with it. Mood music: Let me try to take a stab at addressing that: I don’t think my disease should define me and keep me in a box. But it’s also a major part of who I am and how I…  [Read More]

Another Brick In The Wall

by Bill Brenner January 3, 2012 Depression

I’ve tried hard to demolish the wall I hide behind when my mind isn’t right. But whenever I think I’ve made progress, shit happens and I find it’s taller and thicker than ever. Mood music: My latest mood swing has me thinking hard about how I allow this to happen. Far as I can tell, I do make progress, but then I take my eye off the wrecking ball and the wall rebuilds itself when I’m…  [Read More]

Prozac Winter Has Set In

by Bill Brenner January 2, 2012 Depression

I’ve had some sharp mood swings in recent days. Now that it seems to be leveling off, I can write about it. Mood music: I made it through the usual Christmas blues in one piece and even enjoyed the holiday once it arrived. A week of vacation followed, and we Brenners did something we rarely do: Sit around like slugs. We needed it. We must have needed it really bad, in fact, because God sent…  [Read More]

What’s New Is Old Again

by Bill Brenner January 1, 2012 Depression

I won’t bullshit y’all: I’m feeling ho-hum about the new year. Like everyone else, I have my high hopes and wish everyone the very best in 2012 and beyond. But in other respects, I see this as just another day, with all the usual struggles. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. Mood music: I like my life well enough. I’m certainly blessed well beyond what I probably deserve. I’m just not feeling the euphoria I’ve…  [Read More]

My Mother Unfriended Me

by Bill Brenner January 1, 2012 Depression

A bump on the path to reconciliation after five years of estrangement from my mother: Angered over posts about my childhood, she has unfriended me from Facebook. Mood music: I wasn’t too surprised. I knew that recalling childhood as I remembered it wouldn’t sit well with her. But I was hoping — really hoping — that she would see the bigger picture I’ve been trying to present: One where I’ve turned out fine despite earlier…  [Read More]

‘No Man Is A Failure Who Has Friends’

by Bill Brenner December 26, 2011 Depression

Part of the holiday tradition around here is a viewing of “It’s A Wonderful Life.” The ending used to make me sad, because it seemed to sum up what was missing in my life. For a long time, I didn’t feel like I had any friends. It was nobody’s fault. I had crawled so far inside myself that I chose dozing off on the couch with the TV remote in my hand over going outside…  [Read More]

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