Gratitude

Back Story Of THE OCD DIARIES

by Bill Brenner May 14, 2011 Addiction

Since I’ve been adding new readers along the way, I always get questions about why I started this thing. I recently expanded the “about” section, and that’s a good starting point. But more of a back story is in order. Mood music: Before I started THE OCD DIARIES in December 2009 with a post about depression hitting me during the holidays, I had always toyed with the idea of doing this. The reason for wanting…  [Read More]

Had He Lived

by Bill Brenner May 3, 2011 Gratitude

Today would have been my brother’s 45th birthday. I sometimes wonder what he’d be doing and saying in the crazy world we inhabit today. Mood music: <object width=”640″ height=”510″><param name=”movie” value=”http://www.youtube.com/v/ZADcJdFY-0w?fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0″></param><param name=”allowFullScreen” value=”true”></param><param name=”allowscriptaccess” value=”always”></param>[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZADcJdFY-0w&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0]</object> Let’s go back to 1984, the year he left us. He probably would have been amused to find me hanging out with Sean Marley and listening to Motley Crue and Def Leppard. He would have noticed my widening girth…  [Read More]

To Sean on His 10th Birthday

by Bill Brenner April 21, 2011 Children's issues

Sean turns 10 today, and this is my birthday message to him. Let’s start with the appropriate mood music, a song you are very fond of: [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SpOxjOj0zhk&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] You entered the world on Earth Day, 10 years ago. Wow. A full decade. As I wrote to you last year, you were graced with a beautiful Mom and a Dad with just a few kinks in him. I would always try to hide my OCD, depression and addictive behavior from you, but…  [Read More]

How I Can Be Happy Despite Myself

by Bill Brenner March 29, 2011 Addiction

I see a lot of moody people out there on Facebook and Twitter these days. Though I try not to put random complaints on my wall, my darker moods often come across in this blog. But in the big picture, I’ve found ways to be generally happy despite myself. Mood music: Allow me to share. But first, a couple acknowledgements: 1.) I stole this post’s title from somewhere. 2.) I readily admit that despite what…  [Read More]

Change Is Pain, But Not Impossible

by Bill Brenner March 28, 2011 Addiction

Last night’s 12-Step meeting reminded me of just how hard real change is. I used to measure change by who won the next election. I’ve realized that the only real change that matters is within myself. Naturally, it’s the hardest, most brutal kind of change to achieve. Mood music: [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqkxDgCIsOw&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] Last night’s AA Big Book reading focused on steps 8, 9 and 10: 8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and…  [Read More]

Mister Rogers’ Mother Was Right

by Bill Brenner March 14, 2011 Children's issues

Say what you will about Mister Rogers. His speech and mannerisms may stop being cool after you hit puberty, but the lessons he taught are timeless and ageless. My friend Olivia Gatti shared this quote from Mr. Rogers on Facebook awhile back: When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” To this day,…  [Read More]

Sympathy for the Unsympathetic

by Bill Brenner March 8, 2011 Addiction

I tend to get a lot of mail from people who read this blog, particularly the stuff about the rougher parts of my life. God Bless ’em, because they’re good people who want to buck me up. But I think they misunderstand where I’m coming from sometimes. Mood music: [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yvJGQ_piwI0&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] There are days when my posts cross over to darker territory, especially when a wave of depression or OCD moment hits. I also do…  [Read More]

The Most Infuriating Journalist I Ever loved

by Bill Brenner February 25, 2011 Gratitude

The other day I had to replace a ruptured tire on my car. For a few minutes, as I pondered where to go and what to buy, I remembered that damn tire in the garage. Peter Sugarman gave me that tire about a week before he choked on food, losing oxygen just long enough to render him brain dead. That was in 2004, right before the Memorial Day holiday weekend. His death was probably the…  [Read More]

RSA 2005 (Fool in the Rain)

by Bill Brenner February 14, 2011 Fear and anxiety

As I cover RSA Conference 2011, I can’t help but think back to my first RSA trip in 2005. This isn’t about security trends then and now. It’s about my state of mind back then. Mood music (because I was listening to this one a lot back then): [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YGshAiRp64Q&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] I had been writing for SearchSecurity.com for less than a year, and I was in the middle stages of an emotional breakdown. I just didn’t know…  [Read More]

A Long-Silenced Voice Speaks

by Bill Brenner January 24, 2011 Gratitude

My dear friend Joy, who readers know by now as the widow of my late friend Sean Marley, sent me a note today — a message from the distant past. Mood music: [spotify:track:2GMC1BnQle6WRstUGUs3mc] She was looking through some of Sean’s diaries and wanted to share something he wrote about me 20 years ago: “Bill is turning 20. He is such a fantastic human being. He feels so much and cares about the world and its…  [Read More]

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