Ever since I wrote that post on how people misuse the word bully I’ve been soul searching. I felt as though I had done the very thing I was being critical of, but couldn’t put my finger on exactly what.
I was angry that someone told an overweight news anchor she’s a bad role model for children. As someone who has had a lifelong struggle with weight, I seethed. I praised the anchor, Jennifer Livingston, for standing up to the guy on air.
I still hold a lot of the same feelings. There are a variety of reasons people struggle with weight, and while there’s a lot of obesity fueled by laziness and bad behavior out there, I know many overweight people — myself included — who are anything but lazy. I also believe being a good role model to children is about a lot more than appearance.
Looking back at the on-air editorial Livingston made, the whole tirade is framed around her standing up to her bully. She talks about an “attack that’s not OK,” something that shouldn’t be allowed.
But while he attacked her and that was wrong, was he really being a bully?
Let’s look at some definitions:
American Heritage Dictionary: “To force one’s way aggressively or by intimidation”
Oxford Dictionaries Online: “Use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants”
Merriam-Webster: “To intimidate by an overbearing swaggering demeanor or by threats”
Macmillan: “To frighten or hurt someone who is smaller or weaker than you”
Wikipedia: “The use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively impose domination over others. The behavior is often repeated and habitual. One essential prerequisite is the perception, by the bully or by others, of an imbalance of social or physical power.
Stopbullying.gov: “Unwanted, aggressive behavior among school-aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. … Bullying includes actions such as making threats, spreading rumors, attacking someone physically or verbally, and excluding someone from a group on purpose.”
A lot of dictionaries note that to be a bully, you have to repeat these actions over time. The writer definitely insulted Livingston. His wording bordered on cruel. She’s not out of line to feel attacked.
But, as far as we know, the guy hasn’t repeatedly contacted her to keep the insults going, to get her to do what he wants, which is to lose weight or get off camera. He merely stated his opinion and moved on.
He wrote to Livingston:
Surely you don’t consider yourself a suitable example for this community’s young people, girls in particular. Obesity is one of the worst choices a person can make and one of the most dangerous habits to maintain.
He makes narrow-minded judgements. But if we used that as a metric, we’d all be bullies.
If I were Livingston, I would have told him:
He doesn’t know me well enough to call my obesity a choice.
There’s more to being a role model than appearance. If appearance made the difference, Winston Churchill would have been denied his rightful, heroic place in history.
Overweight people often hate to see themselves on TV. Making a career in television despite appearance is a form of courage in itself.
But after reading all these definitions, I wouldn’t have called him a bully.
I held off on writing about the JetBlue captain who suffered an emotional breakdown in flight because the case seemed too cut and dry for my added perspective.
Mood music:
http://youtu.be/JRlkTNlLy3w
That’s because I was thinking about this from the perspective of a frequent flyer. I prefer that the guys running the cockpit of my plane are sober and of sound mind. If someone is on the mental edge, they shouldn’t be flying a plane. And if a captain unexpectedly loses it, he should be removed from the cockpit.
There’s nothing remarkable here. I think any airline passenger would echo my sentiments.
The justice system appears to have reached the same conclusions. According to a Reuters story posted this morning, a grand jury indicted the pilot and charged him with interference with a flight crew. From the article:
Pilot Clayton Osbon “moved through the aircraft and was disruptive and had to be subdued and forcibly restrained from re-entering the cockpit” during the flight from New York to Las Vegas, the federal indictment said.
The unusual indictment of an airline pilot was filed on Wednesday in U.S. District Court in Amarillo, Texas. The JetBlue flight made an emergency landing in Amarillo on March 27 and Osbon, 49, was taken into custody at the airport.
Osbon is undergoing a court-ordered psychiatric examination to determine whether he can stand trial and his “sanity or lack thereof” at the time of the incident, according to court documents.
The FBI said Osbon began saying “things just don’t matter” while he was at the controls of the Airbus A320 about halfway into the five-hour flight, and that he told the flight’s first officer, “We’re not going to Vegas.”
After the pilot suddenly left the cockpit and started running up and down in the aisle, banging on a restroom door, and attempted to force his way back into the locked cockpit, several passengers retrained him until the plane landed, court documents say.
The FBI said that while he was being restrained, Osbon yelled “pray now for Jesus Christ,” started yelling about Iraq, Iran, and terrorists, and at one point shouted toward the cockpit, “guys, push it to full throttle!”
A detention hearing that had been set for earlier this week to determine whether Osbon should be released on bond was postponed while his psychiatric exam continued.
As dangerous as this guy was, I can’t help but feel for him. As someone who has suffered from panic attacks and emotional breakdowns, I can certainly place myself in his shoes. The inside of an airplane is THE WORST place on Earth to have an emotional breakdown. You’re trapped in a tube with nowhere to go. Anything can happen in that situation.
Some have called for heads to roll at the airline, but I think that’s pointless. We can yell until we’re blue in the face about how there should be tougher screening for pilots to ensure no one gets on a plane emotionally unhinged. But you can’t always catch these things in a screening.
I’ve had days where I woke up energized, confident and ready to take on the world. Then, somewhere in the day, without warning, my emotional equilibrium would take a dive. It has happened on the job, and at home. It has happened with me behind the wheel of a car and in the kitchen with sharp objects in my hand.
Screening beforehand might have revealed some latent depression, but that’s not enough to predict that the person is a ticking time bomb.
There are no good guys or bad guys in this tale. What happened happened and I doubt anything could have been done to avoid it.
If the pilot had been acting out before takeoff, the plane never would have left the ground with him on board. Not in this post-9-11 world.
That’s the problem with time bombs. You can never predict when they’ll go off. You can’t catch this type of explosive in a TSA line, especially when the TSA is preoccupied with patting down toddlers in wheelchairs.
I just hope the pilot gets the help he needs.
JetBlue Flight 191 on the ground in Amarillo, Texas. It made an emergency landing after its captain had to be restrained. Roberto Rodriguez/AP
I got a lot of response to yesterday’s post about possibly killing this blog (Thanks for all the support!). Everyone asked that I continue, but supported my idea of expanding the topics.
I still have decisions to make, but y’all gave me some great ideas on how to take this forward.
I did get one message to the contrary, though. And because I disagree with the writer’s point, I’m going to share it with you. I’ll keep the person’s name out of it, of course.
Mood music:
The writer said:
All I will say is that a blog like this is probably not doing you any favors.
When you know a person for business purposes, you dont want to know about their psychological disorders. If you want an extension of our writing, great. But a blog titled like this makes people who know nothing about you have predisposed notions that there would be something off about you.
That could be ignorance on their part, but why put something out there that is otherwise none of their business, when it shouldnt be an issue in dealing with you?
Blogs like this have got people denied jobs and all. Ignorance? Probably. But either way, how does a blog named for this subject otherwise help you? I cant see a single way it would unless you want to prove the ADA should apply to you.
My thoughts:
–I don’t write this blog for favors, and certainly not for sympathy votes. I write it because good people have been screwed over because of the stigma, which you actually describe quite well. I reached a point in my life where speaking out and sharing what I’ve learned was more important than what people might think of me.
–I knew I was taking a risk when I started this. Fortunately, everyone I work with supports me. The simple reason is that I proved my worth long before I came out with these stories.
–You’re absolutely wrong to say no one wants to know about this stuff. Within days of starting the blog, the vast majority of feedback came from people in the security community who have their own demons and were grateful that someone was talking about theirs. Depression, anxiety and addiction run deep in our community, and when people have a place to talk about it and find ways forward, it makes them better contributors to the industry, does it not? I think it does. By the way, a lot of the folks I speak of are in upper-level jobs — the kind you do business with.
–Part of doing this blog is to help people see that they need not be held back by adversity. That too is good for our community.
–I do agree that I risk being viewed only through the prism of what I write about. That’s why I’m considering changes. But that change isn’t going to be to reverse course. I continue to believe openness is the best approach.
A confession that probably won’t shock you: I used to turn into a pile of jelly each year when it was time for the job performance review most employed people endure every 12 months.
Mood music:
I bring this up because my annual review is Monday. Today I’m supposed to turn in my self-evaluation. And I feel an absolute lack of drama about it.
Overconfidence? Perhaps.
Apathy? Definitely not.
It’s just another indication of where my head is today compared to a few years ago.
It all goes back to the habit I used to have of trying to please everyone. I wanted to be seen as the golden boy in any job I took on. I took constructive criticism as a stab to the gut — a sign that nobody liked me and I was good for nothing.
This feeling really took on monstrous proportions when I worked for TechTarget as senior news writer for SearchSecurity.com. TechTarget is very big on goal setting and having different teams compete with each other. That’s really not a bad thing, but for me — a complete mess of OCD, fear and anxiety at the time — it was like poison.
Every December, as review time drew closer, I’d become a nervous wreck, unable to think about anything but how I would do on the review. Juicing up my sorry state even further was that December was award-submission time. TechTarget gives out these awards called the Bull’s-Eye. I felt enormous pressure to win at least two a year. I wrote about this sorry phenomenon in an earlier post called “The Agony Of Awards.”
Like many of the things that drove my fear and anxiety, the review-time breakdown stopped at some point. I can’t exactly remember the year. Like everything else, I chalk it up to years of therapy, medication and spiritual growth on the path to getting my OCD under control.
So now I sit here, ready to write up my self evaluation. I’m thinking of just writing “I am awesome. Give me more money.”
That might be a career-limiting thing to do, though, so I will play it straight.
I just got a promotion and a raise. Playing it straight is the least I could do.
I was saddened to see tweets today from a guy who says he was fired over his depression.
Mood music:
He tweeted:
“We’re a small company, there’s no room for passengers.” – My boss after I told her about my depression and how I’m getting help with it.
Then, another tweet:
I just had a phone call from my boss. I’ve been fired. Wow.
He also shared the termination letter he received:
“Dear (name removed):
It is with regret that we must terminate your contract with COMPANY NAME, due to non-performance. As discussed with your line manager, ***** ******, on several occasions, there has been a lack of activity resulting in lack of business and an unacceptable future business pipeline.
We do not take these decisions lightly but as you admitted yourself, you have been unable to pick up the phone and make calls lately and, as a small business, we cannot continue to pay a salesman a salary when no sales are forecast.
You are due one month’s notice as per your Contract of Employment and so will be paid up until 14th February 2012. This will be paid into your bank account on the 26th January (for January) and the balance on the 14th.
As of today you will be on garden leave and not expected to attend the office nor contact clients or candidates.”
A few thoughts:
If he did his job well and the boss couldn’t handle the fact that he has a mental illness, that’s an outrage he should fight tooth and nail. I wrote about such a case a few months ago in a post called “The Mental Illness Stigma That Won’t Die, Part 2.”
My tirade was inspired by this comment posted on the LinkedIn NAMI group discussion board:
I LOST MY JOB AS DIRECTOR – COMMUNICATIONS FROM A REGIONAL CHAMBER OF COMMERCE AFTER DISCLOSING MY 30 YEARS OF LIVING AND WORKING WITH BIPOLAR IN DEC. 2009.
Now after trying to find another job, I applied for SSDI. I just got rejected with a letter saying,”The medical evidence in your file shows that your condition does cause restriction in your ability to function, however, while your condition prevents you from doing previous jobs, you still have the ability to do unskilled work.”
I was diagnosed with bipolar in 1980, have bouts of depression, social anxiety, migraines, gerd and visable essential tremors in my hands and legs. I cannot stand unsupported for more than a few minutes and the tremors make me not want to leave my home and when I do anxiety worsens them. I can take medication to calm the tremors but those meds also negatively effect my memory, errors, and cognitive abilities.
I know most people get rejected but I am almost 60 and have worked in public marketing communications at managerial levels since 1984. What should I do?
I felt I needed to disclose as the work was socially demanding and my tremors showed.
I felt in disclosing that especially a Chamber of Commerce would be somewhat more understanding. Instead they became hostile and took away my startegic job duties and bumped me down to a typist.
The question I have is this: If someone loses their ability to do their job because of heart disease, a terrible injury or cancer, do they get dropped cold by their employer? Do they get treated in a hostile manner? Not from my experience.
I’ve known many people who developed a disease or got in an accident, and none lost their jobs. Their seat simply stayed empty and, in some cases, temps were brought in to do their work until they either recovered or resigned. They were treated with support.
If this woman did her job admirably for many years and just recently hit a period of intensified mental illness, she should be treated like the cancer or heart patient. To fire her because she’s “gone crazy” is, in my opinion, unacceptable.
These stories ratchet up the fear level for those suffering from depression, OCD, bipolar disorder and the like. It proves to the sufferer that mental illness is still viewed as a less-than-legitimate illness, something that’s more a figment of the sufferer’s imagination.
Many good people have died because of mental illness. They were ashamed and afraid to get help because of the stupid notion that they are somehow crazy and either need their ass kicked or be institutionalized. So they try to go it alone and either end up committing suicide because their brains are knocked so far off their axis or they die from other diseases that develop when the depression forces the sufferer into excessive eating, drinking, starvation, drug taking or a combination of these things.
There’s also the ridiculous idea that a person’s workmanship becomes valueless when they’re in a depression. If someone misses work because they have cancer, they are off fighting a brave battle. They are fighting a brave battle, of course. No doubt about it.
But depression? That person is slacking off and no longer performing.
Now that I’ve said all that, let’s look at the other side.
In the case of this just-fired fellow, the boss claimed he was not doing his job and that revenue was being lost. If his illness prevented him from doing his job, that does put the employer in a bind. I get that. If his condition has suddenly nosedived and it prevents him from doing what he used to do, that’s a tragedy.
I do believe that people like us have a responsibility to prove we’re up to the challenges we seek.
Beth Horne, president and CEO of The Horne Agency, a marketing and advertising firm, has lived this from both sides, as the mental illness sufferer and as an employer. She wrote the following via the United States Mental Health Professionals group on LinkedIn:
I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 twenty years ago. I received treatment and have been stable for years, thanks to excellent therapy, medication and education. Before returning to school for my PhD in Psychology, I worked in Marketing/Advertising for several large media companies before opening my own advertising agency. I was open about my diagnosis with my employers during my interview process, and it never hindered me from being hired. In fact, I never interviewed for a job I did not get, due to my work record, resume and references.
I think that my work performance more than made up for any issues I may have had regarding my disorder, such as sometimes having periods of depression or getting a bit manic when life changes occurred. I worked very hard NOT to let them affect my work performance or reduce my ability to generate revenue for my company.
However, I have been in management with these companies and had employees with mental issues who did not take care of themselves and they became liabilities to the company and had to be let go. Some would refuse to take their medication and attend therapy, some would miss work continually or be so over-medicated they were in a constant stupor, unable to perform their duties. I had one woman who came into the office in such a manic state I had to ask her to stay in her office until she could have her husband take her to her doctor, and to please refrain from taking any sales calls, for fear of her ruining client relations.
If someone knows they have a mental issue/disorder, it is a personal choice whether or not to accept their diagnosis and get help and follow their treatment. Is this always easy? NO! But if they are to function in the work environment, it is their responsibility to do anything and everything in their power to stay as healthy as possible. If this is not possible for them, then it is time to look into disability.
Employers need to understand that not everyone with a diagnosis of a mental illness is like another…there are people with bipolar disorder who have little problem going on with their daily routine with just therapy and medication, while others find it impossible to blend into the work environment. I use bipolar disorder as just one example, but there are many others, as we all are aware. I have a mother who has a mild form of OCD and is a supervisor at a hospital. What better profession could there be for someone who will always be strict about following rules, cleanliness and excellent patient care than an RN? Or like my brother, who also has the same issue, works in IT?
Both are successful and well-adjusted, and their coworkers probably have no idea they have any mental problems whatsoever. So before they judge and dismiss a potential employee because of ignorance, they should look at the person as a whole and not just their diagnosis.
Like Beth, I’ve been judged by my workmanship and not by mental health issues I’ve disclosed. That has been the case for me in every job I’ve ever had. I do my current job well, and that’s all my bosses care about. I’m very fortunate.
There have also been times in past jobs where my workmanship suffered because I wasn’t taking care of myself. I was refusing to even consider therapy or medication, and I sank lower and lower.
I was reinforcing the stigma instead of breaking it.
Today I succeed because I refuse to let the struggles render me useless. I fight harder and longer, and I never give up.
But if you’re in the grip of deep depression, that’s not always possible. I feel for people in that situation, and pray that they’ll come through this better than before.
Two years ago today, in a moment of Christmas-induced depression, I started this blog. I meant for it to be a place where I could go and spill out the insanity in my head so I could carry on with life.
In short order, it snowballed into much more than that.
Mood music:
http://youtu.be/IKpEoRlcHfA
About a year into my recovery from serious mental illness and addiction — the most uncool, unglamorous addiction at that — I started thinking about sharing where I’ve been. My reasoning was simple: I’d listened to a lot of people toss around the OCD acronym to describe everything from being a type A personality to just being stressed. I also saw a lot of people who were traveling the road I’d been down and were hiding their true nature from the world for fear of a backlash at work and in social circles.
At some point, that bullshit became unacceptable to me.
I started getting sick of hiding. I decided the only way to beat my demons at their sick little game was to push them out into the light, so everyone could see how ugly they were and how bad they smelled. That would make them weaker, and me stronger. And so that’s how this started out, as a stigma-busting exercise.
Then, something happened. A lot of you started writing to me about your own struggles and asking questions about how I deal with specific challenges life hurls at me. The readership has steadily increased.
Truth be told, life with THE OCD DIARIES hasn’t been what I’d call pure bliss. There are many mornings where I’d rather be doing other things, but the blog calls to me. A new thought pops into my head and has to come out. It can also be tough on my wife, because sometimes she only learns about what’s going on in my head from what’s in the blog. I don’t mean to do that. It’s just that I often can’t form my thoughts clearly in discussion. I come here to do it, and when I’m done the whole world sees it.
More than once I’ve asked Erin if I should kill this blog. Despite the discomfort it can cause her at times, she always argues against shutting it down. It’s too important to my own recovery process, and others stand to learn from it or at least relate to it.
And so I push forward.
One difference: I run almost ever post I write by her before posting it. I’ve shelved several posts at her recommendation, and it’s probably for the best. Restraint has never been one of my strengths.
This blog has helped me repair relationships that were strained or broken. It has also damaged some friendships. When you write all your feelings down without a filter, you’re inevitably going to make someone angry.
One dear friend suggested I push buttons for a good story and don’t know how to let sleeping dogs lie. She’s right about the sleeping dogs part, but I don’t agree with the first suggestion. I am certainly a button pusher. But I don’t push to generate a good story. I don’t set out to do that, at least.
Life happens and I write about how I feel about it, and how I try to apply the lessons I’ve learned. It’s never my way or the highway. If you read this blog as an instruction manual for life, you’re doing it wrong. What works for me isn’t necessarily going to fit your own needs.
Over time, the subject matter of this blog has broadened. It started out primarily as a blog about OCD and addiction. Then it expanded to include my love of music and my commentary on current events as they relate to our mental state.
I recently rewrote the “about” section of the blog to better explain the whole package. Reiterating it is a pretty good way to end this entry. You can see it here.
No, not my fear. I came clean about my fight with OCD a long time ago and my work colleagues are nothing but supportive. At this point, my life is an open book. But for those who are at the other end of the spectrum, I came across an article that might help.
Mood music:
http://youtu.be/bWsYuW9ULdU
It’s an item on About.com from Dr. Owen Kelly called “OCD and Work: Dealing With Employers.” There was a time when I lived in dread over whether or not to come clean. For one thing, there was a time when my disease was impacting my workmanship. I was a control freak in an environment where I had no control. That period of my life is best captured in a post called “One Of My Biggest Regrets.”
But that was long before I got the treatment I needed. Through years of extensive therapy, medication and tackling other disorders, I’m at a point of no return. I may backslide from time to time. I do, in fact. But there’s no going back to the insanity of 2000-2006. I’ve simply learned too much.
But for those just beginning to deal with their demons, the question of what to do about work is a big one — maybe even the biggest. You want to get well and do so in an honest way, but how many times have we heard about workplace discrimination? I hear about it all the time.
Dr. Kelly’s article is an excellent first step in knowing what to do.
He writes:
—
Choosing to disclose that you have OCD to a potential or current employer can be terrifying. People in this position often:
wonder if their potential or current employer will be supportive, reject them or even know or understand what OCD is
fear being passed over, fired or forced out through attrition
worry what people around the office will think
worry that they’ll regret their decision
fear being blacklisted within the industry they work
fear not being trusted with important tasks or responsibilities
It is important to know that if you are in this position, there is no right answer and that you need to weigh this decision for yourself.
—
The best part of the article is when he gets into what you should do IF YOU DECIDE TO COME CLEAN.
He writes:
—
If you decide that benefits outweigh the risks and you decide to disclose that you have OCD to a prospective or current employer, it will be up to you to make sure that your employer understands the nature and severity of your symptoms. This this doesn’t mean that you need to tell your boss everything — just what she needs to know and what accommodations you might need. If your employer does not fully understand the challenges associated with OCD, or doesn’t even know what it is, it may also be helpful to educate your employer about your illness. It may even be possible to enlist your health care provider to advocate for you.
Finally, check and see if your employer has retained the services of an employee assistance program or EAP. This service may be able to assist in or facilitate disclosure of your OCD to your employer.
—
An important part of the article is near the beginning, and deals with your rights. Kelly notes that it’s illegal to discriminate against someone because of a medical condition, including OCD. A final excerpt:
—
if you are otherwise qualified for the position, you cannot be denied employment simply because you have OCD. Although the law is quite clear on this, the actual experience of prospective and current employees with OCD can unfortunately be quite different.
However unfair, there is actually quite a bit of incentive for employers to terminate or pass on hiring someone who they know has a chronic illness — mental or physical. On average, their health costs will be higher; they will be absent more days; and they may even have to go on long-term disability leave — all of which impacts the bottom line.
Although it is illegal to terminate someone on the basis of a medical condition, there are many ways that employers can accomplish this indirectly. For example, the employer can give the employee progressively more undesirable tasks until to the employee decides to leave.
—
This article is something I wish I had back in the day. It’s probably the best direction I’ve seen anyone give people facing the question of disclosure.
If someone does a lousy job at work, they deserve to be fired. If someone does the job well but is fired because they have a mental illness, that’s an outrage.
Mood music:
[spotify:track:0OGwOky2l941SPRkE56kU9]
This morning’s tirade brought to you by this comment posted on the LinkedIn NAMI group discussion board:
I lost my job as Director – Communications from a regional Chamber of Commerce after disclosing my 30 years of living and working with bipolar in Dec. 2009.
Now after trying to find another job, I applied for SSDI. I just got rejected with a letter saying,”The medical evidence in your file shows that your condition does cause restriction in your ability to function, however, while your condition prevents you from doing previous jobs, you still have the ability to do unskilled work.”
I was diagnosed with bipolar in 1980, have bouts of depression, social anxiety, migraines, gerd and visable essential tremors in my hands and legs. I cannot stand unsupported for more than a few minutes and the tremors make me not want to leave my home and when I do anxiety worsens them. I can take medication to calm the tremors but those meds also negatively effect my memory, errors, and cognitive abilities.
I know most people get rejected but I am almost 60 and have worked in public marketing communications at managerial levels since 1984. What should I do?
I felt I needed to disclose as the work was socially demanding and my tremors showed.
I felt in disclosing that especially a Chamber of Commerce would be somewhat more understanding. Instead they became hostile and took away my startegic job duties and bumped me down to a typist.
Now, let’s start with some clarifications: If this person’s illness prevented them from doing their job, that does put the employer in a bind. I get that. If her condition has suddenly nosedived and it prevents her from doing what she used to do, that’s a tragedy.
The question I have is this: If someone loses their ability to do their job because of heart disease, a terrible injury or cancer, do they get dropped cold by their employer? Do they get treated in a hostile manner? Not from my experience.
I’ve known many people who developed a disease or got in an accident, and none lost their jobs. Their seat simply stayed empty and, in some cases, temps were brought in to do their work until they either recovered or resigned. They were treated with support.
If this woman did her job admirably for many years and just recently hit a period of intensified mental illness, she should be treated like the cancer or heart patient. To fire her because she’s “gone crazy” is, in my opinion, unacceptable.
It’s as insidious as, say, putting limits on coverage for mental health care.
These stories ratchet up the fear level for those suffering from depression, OCD, bipolar disorder and the like. It proves to the sufferer that mental illness is still viewed as a less-than-legitimate illness, something that’s more a figment of the sufferer’s imagination.
I’m not an expert. I can only base my opinion on personal experience. But I’ve heard enough horror stories from other people to know this crap is for real.
I try not to engage in political debate because this is such a personal issue, though sometimes I have to make a point on current events like I did when Health care Reform passed last year.
I do know this, though: Many good people have died because of mental illness. They were ashamed and afraid to get help because of the stupid notion that they are somehow crazy and either need their ass kicked or be institutionalized. So they try to go it alone and either end up committing suicide because their brains are knocked so far off their axis or they die from other diseases that develop when the depression forces the sufferer into excessive eating, drinking, starvation, drug taking or a combination of these things.
There’s also the ridiculous idea that a person’s workmanship becomes valueless when they’re in a depression. If someone misses work because they have cancer, they are off fighting a brave battle. They are fighting a brave battle, of course. No doubt about it.
But depression? That person is slacking off and no longer performing.
I’ve been able to debunk that idea in my own work circle. It helps that I’ve been blessed to work with exceptional, amazing and enlightened people. At work, I’ve gotten nothing but support. I do my job well, and that’s good enough for them. That’s how it should be.
Luckily for me, I got rid of my fear and anxiety long ago, so I’m going to keep sharing my experiences. It probably won’t force change or tear down the stigma single-handedly.
But if a few more people get just a little more fight in them after reading these diaries, it will have been well worth the risks.
As for what the woman above can do about her situation, the folks in the LinkedIn forum offered some good advice. The best, in my opinion, came from mental health advocate Bonnie Neighbour:
You have two possible areas of recourse. You can sue for unlawful termination. I am not referring to that choice with the rest of this comment.
Or you can appeal the SSDI denial. Something people need to k ow that is not commonly talked about is that, in deciding on your application for SSDI. the Social Security Dept. will only request records from your doctors, etc. one time. If the applicable records are not submitted within the time frame (and it’s wires short) the Social Security Dept. Decides upon (and they most likely will not tell you the time frame but it’s a matter of weeks) they will automatically deny the claim. You can appeal and get the appropriate records submitted for the appeal. Thus is one reason so many people are denied.
For those who have not applied for SSDI but who may in the future, the prudent thing to do is collect all your records before you begin the application process and submit them all at once. If you depend on hour doctors’ offices to respond the a request by the Social Security Dept., the likelihood of receiving a denial based on incomplete records is huge. And you will most likely never know why.
Good luck.
A third option for you is to find your passion and start doing it — even if it’s volunteer only. For it is by living a fulfilling and passionate life that we stay healthy and can find and maintain mental health recovery.
You can pursue option three while considering option one or two.
In the halls of recovery and in my daily work I deal a lot with anonymity. People hide behind it for good and bad reasons. This is where I separate the honorable folks from the cowards.
Mood music (Click the “Watch it on Youtube” link. It’s worth it):
I’ve met a lot of inspirational people who prefer to keep their identities hidden with good reason.
In the 12-Step program I embraced to overcome a blistering binge-eating addiction, anonymity is considered a vital tool of recovery. We know each other by first names and home towns, mostly. That’s so people in these meetings can share openly and let out all the pain and confusion they feel, which is an important step toward setting things right. They can do so without fear of being outed in their circle of friends and relatives and in their work places.
To blow someone’s anonymity under those circumstances is a terrible thing to do. I regularly share my 12-Step experiences here, but I made a choice to take a chance and out myself. Nobody gets put at risk except for me. Thankfully, everything turned out fine and I get a ton of support from the people in my personal and professional lives.
I often write about my 12-Step experiences here, but I never name names unless I’ve gotten someone’s permission. Even with permission, I usually leave names out.
In my professional life I deal with a slightly different kind of anonymity. I often get important information from people who would get fired or jailed for talking to me, so their identities are hidden for their own safety. I allow a source their anonymity when they give a valid reason for requesting it. I recently interviewed an Iranian computer programmer who fled to Europe after the government pressured him to use his talents as part of their quest to build a cyber army. To name him would put him in real danger. Usually, though, the anonymity is usually honored because someone with valuable information would be blackballed in the industry for sharing it.
Then there’s the bad anonymity, the kind that applies to the verbal bomb throwers.
Some people like to hurl insults and question someone’s character without being called on the carpet in return. So they leave an anonymous comment on one of my sites and resort to name-calling and whining.
I’ve dealt with this sort plenty in my 17 years as a writer and editor. They usually don’t bother me. They come with the territory, and I have a pretty thick skin at this point. And more often than not, the insults are wrapped around constructive criticism I fine useful.
But I’ll admit it: My tolerance goes through the floor when someone decides to be an outright asshole.
Yesterday was one of those times. I was checking my Twitter stream and found the following tweet by someone hiding behind an anonymous profile called the InfoSecDropBox:
“OMG, I’m @BillBrenner70, I’m fucked up and have to keep telling you how fucked up I am. LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! I’M A BLOGGER!”
The profile looked like it had just been set up yesterday and, when I checked it this morning, the last tweet said “Alright, alright. Enough.”
I should correct this person on one point: I don’t consider myself a fuck-up. I used to be one, but not anymore. Oh, I still screw up in spectacular fashion on a regular basis, but that doesn’t make me a fuck-up. It makes me human. Every one of us has struggles to contend with.
I reached a point where I found my equilibrium and chose to write about how I used to be, why I’m the way I am today and where the ongoing struggles are. I do it because there’s a stigma around the kind of struggles I’ve had and I decided to take a crack at breaking them down so people who are now dealing with what I once dealt with will know it’s OK and that they can turn it around.
I knew I’d face some criticism. I knew some people would misunderstand what the blog is about. But I felt it was worth it, and it has been.
I don’t mind the bomb throwers. But when they’re too scared to show themselves, they are cowards and I can’t take them seriously.
My name is out there for people to rip away at if they choose, and that’s fine.
But if you need to be anonymous, I have to wonder:
Are you so insecure about your own character that you’re too terrified to face the people you don’t understand and ask the hard questions out in the open like a grown-up?
Since I don’t know who you are, I have to assume so.
By the way: If you see the posts that annoy you, that can only mean you’re following me on Twitter or we’re connected on Facebook or LinkedIn.
I suggest you un-follow or un-friend me.
The solution is as simple as that.
If you insist on maintaining the connection with me anyway, despite you’re distaste for what I do, that just makes you an idiot.
