Love

Do I Think About My Disease 24-7?

by Bill Brenner January 4, 2012 Addiction

Someone recently asked if I think about my disease 24-7 and, if so, whether doing so is perilous to those around me. In this case, the disease is OCD and the addictions that go with it. Mood music: Let me try to take a stab at addressing that: I don’t think my disease should define me and keep me in a box. But it’s also a major part of who I am and how I…  [Read More]

Another Brick In The Wall

by Bill Brenner January 3, 2012 Depression

I’ve tried hard to demolish the wall I hide behind when my mind isn’t right. But whenever I think I’ve made progress, shit happens and I find it’s taller and thicker than ever. Mood music: My latest mood swing has me thinking hard about how I allow this to happen. Far as I can tell, I do make progress, but then I take my eye off the wrecking ball and the wall rebuilds itself when I’m…  [Read More]

‘No Man Is A Failure Who Has Friends’

by Bill Brenner December 26, 2011 Depression

Part of the holiday tradition around here is a viewing of “It’s A Wonderful Life.” The ending used to make me sad, because it seemed to sum up what was missing in my life. For a long time, I didn’t feel like I had any friends. It was nobody’s fault. I had crawled so far inside myself that I chose dozing off on the couch with the TV remote in my hand over going outside…  [Read More]

THE OCD DIARIES, Two Years Later

by Bill Brenner December 7, 2011 Addiction

Two years ago today, in a moment of Christmas-induced depression, I started this blog. I meant for it to be a place where I could go and spill out the insanity in my head so I could carry on with life. In short order, it snowballed into much more than that. Mood music: http://youtu.be/IKpEoRlcHfA About a year into my recovery from serious mental illness and addiction — the most uncool, unglamorous addiction at that — I started…  [Read More]

A Word About Christmas Gifts

by Bill Brenner December 2, 2011 Faith

Every year, when family members ask me what I want for Christmas, I’m always at a loss for words. I don’t really care about getting presents, though I love to give them. Mood music: But there are some non-material things I wish for: –That this Christmas season I’ll be free of the blues that almost always plague me this time of year. –That some old friends who have lost someone special this year find peace…  [Read More]

Keeping Up With The Joneses

by Bill Brenner November 29, 2011 Children's issues

It’s not how big your house is. It’s the souls inside that make it a home. Erin and I have had frequent discussions about what it might be like to own a larger home. Our 1300-square-foot townhouse has served us well for more than a decade. But there’s always that desire to have what others have. Mood music: [spotify:track:1gmPJL4u6Jv1oTZEQyDlfw] The discussion usually starts with everything that needs fixing around here: A hole in the kitchen…  [Read More]

Is It Bad That Two Family Members Are In Therapy?

by Bill Brenner November 28, 2011 Addiction

If more than one member of the same family is in therapy, is that a sign that the family is seriously screwed up? Mood music: That’s the question we are asking ourselves these days. As the reader knows by now, I’ve been in therapy for OCD and related issues for seven years. Duncan sees a children’s therapist to help him work through his ADHD. Is this family a basket case? In my opinion, it’s exactly…  [Read More]

Thankful Friday

by Bill Brenner November 25, 2011 Faith

I have much to be thankful for this morning after Thanksgiving. A list: Mood music: –Erin’s Uncle David, for letting me take his vintage car for a spin around the block. —Erin, Sean and Duncan, simply for being who they are. –My sister Stacey, husband Sean and niece and nephew Lilly and Chase, for inviting us into their home for an excellent Thanksgiving dinner. –My brother Brian, for cooking. –My kid sister Shira, for her…  [Read More]

Here’s To The Forgiving Souls

by Bill Brenner November 22, 2011 Communication Skills

A friend of mine was taken aback yesterday when I used a text she sent me in a post. I thought it would be OK because I was keeping her identity a secret. But in hindsight, I should have asked first. That’s the challenge with a blog like this. I need to take things right to the danger line to make points I feel need making. But sometimes I step over that line. I’ve worked…  [Read More]

Death Of A Second Sibling

by Bill Brenner November 15, 2011 Coping tools

Fifteen years ago I lost the friend who had become my older brother and rudder. A vicious cycle of depression destroyed his body, but it failed to kill his soul. Mood music: For a lot of my more religious friends, that has to sound odd, if not foul. We’ve been taught that suicide is a mortal sin, the kind that sends the soul straight to hell. I used to believe that. Now I think that…  [Read More]

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