Love

I Thought I Was Perfect. I Was Just Stupid

by Bill Brenner July 26, 2011 Addiction

Let me tell you about the time I wanted to be perfect, how the urge nearly ruined me and how I learned to accept — if not embrace — my flaws. One of the great delusions an OCD sufferer labors under is the notion that he/she can achieve absolute perfection. Maybe the goal is to be the perfect employee. Maybe it’s to be the perfect parent and spouse. In some cases, the goal can even…  [Read More]

Diary of a Thumb Sucker

by Bill Brenner July 22, 2011 Children's issues

My son Duncan sucks his thumb. No big deal, but since he’s going to be eight soon, he’s coming around to the realization that it’s probably time to stop. There’s just one problem. Mood music: Much of the time, he’s not aware that he’s doing it, which can make quitting all the more difficult. Duncan usually does it when he’s tired or feeling insecure. It’s the latter part I worry about most. This is one…  [Read More]

Stuff My Kids Say: Summer Edition

by Bill Brenner July 21, 2011 Children's issues

I’ve said it before: When life gets you down and it’s hard to get back up, the best medicine is often the things you hear from children. My kids prove it all the time. Here are fresh examples. Mood music: –Duncan, after listening to a couple minutes of the 360s song “Deadpan Superstar,” which I have playing on my laptop: “Why the heck would anyone write about a dust pan superstar?” –Sean and Duncan have replaced…  [Read More]

Prayers For A Friend and His Wife

by Bill Brenner July 15, 2011 Courage

Dave Lewis, a good friend from the information security community, posted this yesterday: “My wife, Diana, was diagnosed with leukemia today.” Mood music: Many of you know Dave (@gattaca on Twitter) as founder of the Liquidmatrix Security Digest. He is also senior security analyst at AMD and someone who works tirelessly to promote events that make security professionals smarter and better. I’m asking those who read this to keep Dave, Diana and their young daughter…  [Read More]

You CAN Revisit Your Past (A Trip to Revere)

by Bill Brenner July 15, 2011 Addiction

Erin had an audio conference to record Thursday morning, so to ensure a quiet house, I put the kids in the car and went to Revere Beach, the scene of my tumultuous, painful, angry yet beautiful upbringing. I’ve written a lot about Revere in this blog. How could I avoid it? But I’ve been short on photos to show you. I fixed that problem with this latest journey back in time. Sean and Duncan had…  [Read More]

A Happy Memory From A Difficult Time

by Bill Brenner July 12, 2011 Addiction

It’s sometime in October 2008. I’ve just given given up flour and sugar to get control over a binge-eating addiction. Mood music: I’m irritable and sick, going through all the aches and pains that surface when toxins start to drip from the pores. I’m coming up the stairs from work, anxious to get all the chores that await me over with. I open the door to find Duncan sitting in his chair at the kitchen…  [Read More]

Sean’s OCD Education

by Bill Brenner July 8, 2011 Children's issues

The setting: Our living room, where Sean and Duncan are folding laundry under my supervision. I’m nagging at the kids to get the job done. No getting distracted, I tell them. No complaining. Just get the chore done. Sean: “Dad, is this your OCD acting up?” Me: “What do you mean?” Sean: “You insisting that we get this done right now. Are you having an OCD moment?” Me: “No. If I were having an OCD…  [Read More]

My Changes, Your Frustration

by Bill Brenner July 7, 2011 Family

Recovery over addiction, fear and anxiety has been a miraculous, beautiful thing. I thank God every day. But when a man changes, a whole new set of problems arise. The changes have been especially challenging for Erin. I’ll let her explain it from her perspective in a future guest post, but I can tell you this much: It’s a confusing, frustrating thing when your spouse acts one way for a bunch of years and then,…  [Read More]

And The Sea Will Save You

by Bill Brenner July 6, 2011 Coping tools

When I wrote a post called “Summers of Love and Hate” last year, the theme was a childhood mixed with joy and rage against the backdrop of Revere Beach. The memories are still stained with sorrow. But, truth be told, the location of my upbringing is one of the things that saved me. Mood music: The sea could be terrifying, especially in the winter. The Blizzard of 1978 is my clearest memory of that. But…  [Read More]

A Tried & True Marriage, A Blessed Anniversary

by Bill Brenner July 1, 2011 Family

Dad and Dianne were married on this day back in 1984, and theirs is one of the most tried and true marriages I’ve seen. Mood music: They married months after my brother’s death and, a little over a year later, had a daughter who brought enormous joy to a family that was still trying to get over that death. They’ve lasted through the many illnesses of their children and have kept a business going together…  [Read More]

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