Mental health

My Brain Is On The Pavement. But At Least I Showered

by Bill Brenner September 9, 2011 Addiction

It’s hard to pinpoint the moment my recovery started getting wobbly and I started getting sloppy. I don’t know if it’s fully accurate to call this a relapse, but it’s pretty damn close. Mood music: One thing is certain: I’m in a shaky place lately, and this is as good a place to sort things out. Talking is always better, but sometimes I have to write it. I’ve been very tired lately, and in my…  [Read More]

Clearer Language From The Catholic Church On Suicide

by Bill Brenner September 5, 2011 Depression

For those, like me, who struggle with suicide, particularly how the Catholic Church feels about it, I have something useful a good friend sent to me this afternoon, presumably after reading this morning’s post. Mood music: http://youtu.be/jrRfoEEDENo From the Catechism of the Catholic Church: “2282 Grave psychological disturbances, anguish, or grave fear of hardship, suffering, or torture can diminish the responsibility of the one committing suicide.  2283 We should not despair of the eternal salvation…  [Read More]

A 9-11 Obsession

by Bill Brenner September 2, 2011 Mental disorders

It happens every time the calendar rolls into September. I start watching documentaries about 9-11-01 and can’t stop. Mood music: Most people do this in the days leading up to a 9-11 anniversary, but for me there’s the OCD element, where after I watch something I can’t stop thinking about it. I’ll forget the rest of the world exists and just replay the scenes in my head over and over again. I’ve been like this…  [Read More]

This Is No Place To Make Amends

by Bill Brenner August 29, 2011 Adventures in writing

After running the post “Bully’s Remorse” a few days ago, it occurred to me that maybe, just maybe, writing it was a mistake. Or maybe it simply didn’t go far enough. Mood music: [spotify:track:5rpRzNcJZqKQXk9PIjreB6] Like many topics in this blog, I wrote it to yank another skeleton out of the closet and acknowledge that as a teenager, while I was getting bullied and should have related to others who were bullied, I just turned around…  [Read More]

Screw Hurricane Irene. Let’s Rock!

by Bill Brenner August 26, 2011 Children's issues

On my facebook wall, an old friend, Taimee Leary Scarpa, posted this: “Hope you have a happy birthday. Hope you are able to fit in some fun before you start taping your windows for Hurricane Irene, lol.” She was referring to the events I described in the post “Fear and Duct Tape.” Truth be told, Hurricanes stopped scaring me some time ago. Learning to ditch the fear and anxiety of my younger years is the main…  [Read More]

41 Years

by Bill Brenner August 26, 2011 Addiction

Some people get depressed on their birthday. Not me. The fact that I turn 41 today is a freak of nature. But a year into my forties, I know I have more cleaning up to do. Mood music: Item: When I was sick with the Crohn’s Disease as a kid, I lost a lot of blood and developed several side ailments. I’m told by my parents that the doctor’s were going to remove the colon more than…  [Read More]

A Call From My Mother

by Bill Brenner August 25, 2011 Children's issues

It’s Wednesday morning. I’m working from home, face behind the computer. My kids and two neighborhood kids are tearing though the house, overturning everything in sight. Then the phone rings. Mood music: “It’s been five years,” the voice on the other end says. “Can’t we fix this?” It’s my mother. I saw her at my cousin’s wedding two weeks ago but we largely avoided contact. We’re six years into an estrangement that I think is…  [Read More]

You Can’t Be Everyone’s Friend

by Bill Brenner August 24, 2011 Adventures in writing

I once wrote about an obsession with the Facebook friend count. I worried about offending people who de-friended me. Lately I realize it’s ok if I can’t be everyone’s friend. I’m even warming to the idea. Mood music: I’ve always had this stupid idea that I needed to be everyone’s friend. Even when I was bullying someone, I’d turn around and try to be their friend. I always wanted everyone in my family to like…  [Read More]

Cold Turkey Has Got Me On The Run

by Bill Brenner August 22, 2011 Addiction

More than a week after I quit smoking cold turkey, I’m pissed off. It pisses me off that other people can enjoy a drink or two, the occasional cigar or feast without letting it take over everything else in their lives. Mood music from the debut EP of Pull Trouble From The Fire: [soundcloud url=”http://soundcloud.com/pulltroublefromthefire/06-dead-wait”] It pisses me off that I have to learn to behave and pretend I don’t wish I had some of…  [Read More]

I Pet My Peeves Until They Become Triggers

by Bill Brenner August 21, 2011 Addiction

I really hate all those pre-written, self-righteous Facebook posts. I told Erin I was going to write a post flaming all those stupid sayings. Mood music: “Tell me what that has to do with OCD?” she asked, giving me that stare she gives me when she’s certain that I’m full of shit. “It’s a trigger,” I said, not really meaning it. “It’s not a trigger. It’s a peeve. You going to go pet it now?”…  [Read More]

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