Mental health

Fear and Duct Tape

by Bill Brenner June 15, 2011 Fear and anxiety

I was an anxious, jumpy, panicky little bastard when I was younger. Fear made me do the damnedest things. My sister Stacey loves to repeat the story of one of my more embarrassing moments. It used to piss me off. Now I can sit back and laugh with everyone else. So fuck it. Let’s review the morning a hurricane was coming and I went bat-shit crazy. Mood music: [spotify:track:6KfzBFMXEOs7LgBcG4ZxyT] First, some history. I’ve explained this…  [Read More]

A Recovery Under Pressure

by Bill Brenner June 14, 2011 Addiction

The coming days and weeks are going to put my recovery program to the test like nothing I’ve experienced since getting the OCD under control and bringing my binge-eating addiction to heel. That’s not a complaint, or a cry for sympathy. It’s simply the way it is. It’s life. By being honest with myself about what’s coming, I stand a better chance of holding it together. Yesterday I visited my father, who’s been in the…  [Read More]

The ‘Woe Is Me’ Disease

by Bill Brenner June 10, 2011 Communication Skills

Funny thing about us OCD-addict types: When the going gets tough, we blame it on someone else. Call it the Woe Is Me Disease, where the sufferer is an eternal victim, forever screwed by everyone but his or her self. Mood music: http://youtu.be/-q-MorIES5I It used to be that it was impossible for me to see the problems as my own. It was always the result of something someone else did to me or failed to…  [Read More]

Hospital Phobia

by Bill Brenner June 8, 2011 Crohn's Disease

During visits to my father in the hospital, I find myself jittery and all-around uncomfortable. It’s not the sight of my father, who is starting the long road to recovery after a stroke. Sure, he’s looked better. But you could say that of anyone stuck in a hospital bed. Mood music: http://youtu.be/C6LCttYOO9Q The discomfort, I’m starting to realize, has to do with the hospital itself. He’s at one of the best hospitals in Boston, and…  [Read More]

A Boy’s Life on Prednisone: A Class Photo History

by Bill Brenner June 6, 2011 Crohn's Disease

I’ve mentioned before that I had to take a lot of this nasty drug called Prednisone as a kid, and how the side effects were almost as bad as the Crohn’s Disease flare-ups the drug was meant to snuff out. Well, my old elementary school friend Myles Lynch posted some class pics on Facebook that show the physical impact. Looking at them brings back memories good and bad. Let’s start with first grade, before the…  [Read More]

For Veterans, A Holiday Here and There Isn’t Enough

by Bill Brenner May 30, 2011 Addiction

Funny thing about holidays where we honor veterans: Everyone puts those who have fought for our freedom on a pedestal for the day, then the next day some of us go back to treating the same people like garbage. Mood music: http://youtu.be/V-zqIS7vWbY Flashback: September, 2010: I’m walking the streets of Brooklyn on a beautiful night, and a guy comes up to me. He has a hole in his head where his left eye used to…  [Read More]

Fear of Coming Clean At Work

by Bill Brenner May 25, 2011 Courage

No, not my fear. I came clean about my fight with OCD a long time ago and my work colleagues are nothing but supportive. At this point, my life is an open book. But for those who are at the other end of the spectrum, I came across an article that might help. Mood music: http://youtu.be/bWsYuW9ULdU It’s an item on About.com from Dr. Owen Kelly called “OCD and Work: Dealing With Employers.” There was a time when…  [Read More]

Why This Day Will Not Suck: May 25

by Bill Brenner May 25, 2011 Lighthearted

Every few months, I try to step out of the craziness of daily life and take stock in my life. The struggles will always be there, but I have so much to be grateful for. With the sun finally shining bright after a long stretch of bad weather, I’m feeling like nothing can keep this from being a good day. Mood music: –Whatever this day hurls at me, I have a lot of people in…  [Read More]

What’s YOUR Insanity?

by Bill Brenner May 23, 2011 Addiction

“Paint a garbage can platinum and underneath, it’s still a garbage can.” Nikki Sixx In Chapter 3 of the AA Big Book, we’re introduced to an alcoholic named Jim. He has a successful business until he starts drinking at age 35 in an attempt to dull a nervous tick, and everything goes to hell. From pages 35-36: “In a few years he became so violent when intoxicated that he had to be committed. On leaving the…  [Read More]

Talk About The Weather

by Bill Brenner May 23, 2011 Depression

New England has been mired in a soupy, cloudy, downright dreary weather pattern for most of the last week or so. We were teased with sunshine Saturday, only to be tossed back under the clouds Sunday. For someone prone to mental illness, this is hell. Mood music: Like most people with mental ticks, too much of this weather is bad for my well being. It throws me into a prolonged period of discouragement and depression….  [Read More]

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