Mental health

Crohn’s Disease and Metallica

by Bill Brenner March 4, 2011 Coping tools

Yesterday was the 25th anniversary of Metallica’s “Master of Puppets” album. Which reminds me: It’s nearly the 25th anniversary of my last major attack of Crohn’s Disease. Mood music: [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQbPqINoSlc&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] It might seem bat-shit crazy of me to intertwine these two things, but the fact is that the “Master of Puppets” album is probably what helped me get through that attack. That, and the book “Helter Skelter.” I read that book twice as I…  [Read More]

To Those Who Lost Their Newspaper Jobs

by Bill Brenner March 3, 2011 Coping tools

Sad to hear that some old friends lost their jobs at the local daily newspapers they labored at for years. People I know at The Eagle-Tribune, Salem News, Newburyport Daily News and Gloucester Daily Times were hit. Mood music: [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7B–3cId-YE&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] A few years ago, I would have seen this as an evil company sticking it to good people who gave their best years and efforts to the machine. I don’t see it that way…  [Read More]

Vince Neil Makes Me Sick

by Bill Brenner March 2, 2011 Addiction

Updated Dec. 20, 2011: Vince Neil suggested in an interview that he might leave Motley Crue next year. Maybe they’ll let John Corabi back in. I always liked the album he did with them… I’m a big Motley Crue fan. Their music helped me process all the anger of my teens and in adulthood Nikki Sixx’s story of sobriety inspired me to take a long, hard look in the mirror. But as I watch a…  [Read More]

We Need Routines, Part 2

by Bill Brenner February 28, 2011 Addiction

Here’s one reason February has been such a bitch: My routine has been so far off the rails that it has been hard to keep my perspective. It hurts the whole family-work dynamic. For a person in recovery, routines are beyond huge. Mood music: [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YzKLRM-pr4&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] Being the restless, boredom-shunning soul that I am, I always look forward to the next trip. I always miss my wife and children during these outings, but it’s also good to…  [Read More]

A Visit to Duncan’s Doctor

by Bill Brenner February 23, 2011 Children's issues

Monday Erin and I visited with the head doctor at the medical office we’ve taken the children to since they were born. The subject: Duncan’s behavior. The boy has a heart of gold and a razor-sharp wit, but as I’ve written before, winter messes with his mind as badly as it does mine. He’s always had his quirks, as we all do. Some of them are disruptive enough that we decided to have him evaluated….  [Read More]

A Look In The Mirror

by Bill Brenner February 19, 2011 Depression

Written in early 2011, after one of my more spectacular failures as a husband and human being. I’ve been dealing with a pretty sour mood in recent days. This post is my attempt to explain it all. The other day, I wrote a post called “When the Truth is a Lie” and a lot of you commented that I’m too hard on myself. I appreciate that, but I don’t think I was being as open…  [Read More]

Well, That Was Stupid

by Bill Brenner February 16, 2011 Depression

Almost every time I visit the therapist, right after he asks if I’m taking the same Prozac dosage as I was at the last visit, he glares at me through his glasses and says: “Remember, never put yourself in a position where you run out.” Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GRat644_o_k&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] Those words ring through my head every time I travel. I’m always paranoid about it and the first thing I do when packing is put the pills…  [Read More]

When Honesty Is A Lie

by Bill Brenner February 16, 2011 Addiction

I’ve figured out another reason for my sour mood in recent days, and now is as good a time as any to get it off my chest. Mood music: A lot of people have been coming up to me here in San Francisco praising me for being “so honest, open and courageous” in this blog. It was a similar thing when I was in Washington D.C. for ShmooCon a couple weeks ago. I appreciate those…  [Read More]

RSA 2005 (Fool in the Rain)

by Bill Brenner February 14, 2011 Fear and anxiety

As I cover RSA Conference 2011, I can’t help but think back to my first RSA trip in 2005. This isn’t about security trends then and now. It’s about my state of mind back then. Mood music (because I was listening to this one a lot back then): [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YGshAiRp64Q&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] I had been writing for SearchSecurity.com for less than a year, and I was in the middle stages of an emotional breakdown. I just didn’t know…  [Read More]

Snake on the Plane

by Bill Brenner February 12, 2011 Addiction

Tomorrow I get on another plane to another city — this time San Francisco. It’s time to go cover the RSA and B-Sides security events. I used to be a raving lunatic the day before a flight. Not anymore. Still, I feel uneasy this morning. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwzGvMwO-yg&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] My mind has been raw all week for a multitude of reasons. Mostly, it’s a case of winter getting to me. The sun is setting later each…  [Read More]

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