Mental health

Sept. 11, 2001

by Bill Brenner September 10, 2010 Depression

Everyone remembers where they were and what they were doing on Sept. 11, 2001. Here’s my own account. Mood music: I was assistant New Hampshire editor at The Eagle-Tribune and I arrived in the newsroom at 4:30 a.m. as usual. I was already in a depressed mood. It wasn’t a sense of dread over something bad about to happen. It was simply my state of mind at the time. I wasn’t liking myself and was…  [Read More]

The Mood Swings Low

by Bill Brenner September 8, 2010 Depression

For reasons not immediately clear to me, I’m in the midst of a mood swing. The day started off well enough, so as a little exercise I’m going to bang on this keyboard and see if I can figure out what’s what. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYUm5T8uQIY&fs=1&hl=en_US] I woke up at 4 a.m. tired but happy. I was out late last night at one of the planning meetings for a weekend Catholic retreat I’m on team for…  [Read More]

A Sister’s Battle with Depression

by Bill Brenner September 7, 2010 Children's issues

This blog is chock full of my own experiences with depression and addiction. I even hint here and there about how the addictive behavior runs in the family. But I’ve avoided the story of depression among siblings until now. This post is about my older sister, who had it much harder than me, and whose progress over the years has inspired me.   I haven’t mentioned it up to this point because it’s her story…  [Read More]

The Power of Nothing

by Bill Brenner September 6, 2010 Marriage and relationships

I haven’t written anything new since Friday and don’t plan to today (well, except for this). Last time I took a break I got a bunch of e-mails from people asking if I was OK. I appreciate that, but no need to worry. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxytSH_piRQ&fs=1&hl=en_US] The last two days I re-posted a bunch of older entries. That was for newer readers who asked me to flag older posts that were important to the larger…  [Read More]

Spitting in the Eye of Hurricane Earl

by Bill Brenner September 3, 2010 Fear and anxiety

I used to be terrified of hurricanes. The fear and anxiety in me would latch onto these storms like Crazy Glue. Yet with Hurricane Earl approaching New England, I’m feeling strangely apathetic. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGfKi6kpdTQ&fs=1&hl=en_US] Maybe it’s because I don’t live on the coast anymore. In Haverhill, we’re not expecting much from Earl. Some of it is definitely because a lot of the storm-driven fear left me when I brought the OCD under control. Let’s…  [Read More]

Discriminating Against Head Cases

by Bill Brenner September 1, 2010 Communication Skills

I’ve seen plenty of examples of failed justice in my day: A judge letting an abusive dirt-bag dad get unsupervised weekend visits just because he reappeared after a few years. A thrice convicted pedophile being let back out on the streets. I never expected to hear about the court discriminating against someone for having OCD. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PI3RneGO_ks&fs=1&hl=en_US] I usually try not to write posts in response to comments that flow into this blog. I…  [Read More]

Dreading the Darkness

by Bill Brenner August 31, 2010 Depression

It’s 5:12 a.m. on Aug. 31, and it’s still dark outside. I already miss the 4:30 a.m. daylight of a couple months ago. Looks like my anti-depression experiment is underway. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PntIAwAe20M&fs=1&hl=en_US] I’ve mentioned before that the fall and winter are usually periods of depression for me. There are two reasons. The first is that some ugly things have happened to me in previous winters. But the bigger reason is that the hours of…  [Read More]

More Bullshit About Mental Illness

by Bill Brenner August 30, 2010 Communication Skills

Every once in awhile I read something on mental illness that sends my blood boiling. Please indulge me while I rant about one such item. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPfkK7bcyfE&fs=1&hl=en_US] I recently tripped across a website called HeretoHelp, a project of the BC Partners for Mental Health and Addictions Information. It’s a great resource for people like me who are recovering from mental illness and addictive behavior. It’s chock full of articles from medical professionals and people…  [Read More]

Wasted Worry

by Bill Brenner August 29, 2010 Mental disorders

I’ve spent many years worrying — assuming, really — that various people hated me for some of the things I’ve done. This year, I’ve been realizing what a waste of worry it’s been. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FPBi9N9hNc&fs=1&hl=en_US] By definition — my definition, anyway — OCD is worry out of control. You worry about all kinds of things beyond your control while failing to do something about the few things that you can control. Along the way,…  [Read More]

Summer of 1990

by Bill Brenner August 28, 2010 Depression

I’m not sure why, but I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the summer of 1990. That was a rough summer with a serious streak of depression. And yet thinking about it takes me to a happy place. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0z6ATxLk8Q&fs=1&hl=en_US] I’ve had to do a lot of digging into my past as part of my therapy and recovery from OCD. Sometimes I see it as a waste of time, since you can’t change the…  [Read More]

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