Mental health

Random Madness

by Bill Brenner April 17, 2010 Gratitude

It’s Saturday morning, and me and the kids are engaging in our weekly ritual. In a few hours, we go to Salem, Mass., home of former Skeptic Slang guitarist Chris Casey, his wife, Nancy and their kids, Mark and Melissa. I’m going to help them get some old photos online and start a blog for Nancy’s writing. I’m going to look his kids in the eye and tell them that I’m a little bit responsible…  [Read More]

Why the Cigars Must Go (and Why it Pisses Me Off)

by Bill Brenner April 16, 2010 Addiction

The author needs many coaches to keep clean and sane. Sometimes it sucks. Mood music for this post: “Sludge Factory” by Alice in Chains: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ej39l_aqkLc&hl=en_US&fs=1&] Like anyone in recovery, I rely on several coaches to keep me from falling back into the sludge pit. The OA sponsor keeps me on the path of abstinence (OA-speak for not eating compulsively; like an AA sponsor who helps you stay sober). I have to call her every morning…  [Read More]

Meet My Demon

by Bill Brenner April 13, 2010 Addiction

Why the author treats his demon like an imaginary friend, and how it helps. It won’t give up It wants me dead God damn that noise inside my head From today’s mood music, “The Becoming,” by Trent Reznor, Nine Inch Nails: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDfyR22u_gI&hl=en_US&fs=1&] At last night’s OA meeting, I saw quite a few people with heavy weights pressing on their minds. I won’t share details, because these meetings are all about anonymity. But it got me…  [Read More]

The Short, Strange History of Skeptic Slang

by Bill Brenner April 6, 2010 Mental health

The author is tells the story of his 2 years as lead singer of a little-known band called Skeptic Slang. I avoided this for as long as I could. I don’t like to admit that I used to sing in a band. For one thing, my singing really sucked. For another, the band never went anywhere. But some pictures of me from around that time have been unearthed, and people are starting to talk. Here’s…  [Read More]

The OCD Diaries 4-2-10: Long-haired Freaks

by Bill Brenner April 2, 2010 Depression

Mood music for this post: “Hurt,” by Johnny Cash (cover of the Nine Inch Nails song): [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o22eIJDtKho&hl=en_US&fs=1&] Going through an old stack of books this afternoon, I found this photo: I’m on the left holding the bass. On the right is Sean Marley. I told you about him in the post “Marley and Me.” The photo is one of those stupid mock rock magazine covers, shot in the summer of 1989 at a carnival on…  [Read More]

SLOB

by Bill Brenner April 2, 2010 Mental disorders

Erin pointed something out to me earlier: Ever since I got a handle on my OCD, I’ve been a slob. Sure, I shower daily and clean my clothes, but when my mind was off the rails, I was a cleanliness freak. Everything had to be put away just so. Coming home to find a couch pillow on the floor would send me into a tizzy. Now I’m apparently leaving a lot of things lying around:…  [Read More]

Things Don’t Go As Planned

by Bill Brenner April 1, 2010 Mental disorders

A day that doesn’t meet expectations can take you to a pretty dark place when your head isn’t screwed on just right. Mood music for this post: “Psycho Therapy” by The Ramones: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34wASuHRuRo&hl=en_US&fs=1&] This day hasn’t gone as planned. That can be frustrating when your brain works the way it’s supposed to. When the traffic in your skull doesn’t flow properly — which is usually the case when you have OCD — a day that…  [Read More]

Pouring Gas on the Fire

by Bill Brenner March 31, 2010 Adventures in writing

People in recovery often go into hyper mode, making up for time wasted in the grip of addiction. Mix in some OCD and here’s what happens… Mood music for this post: “Gasoline” by Audioslave: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6_C4rV7x-Y&hl=en_US&fs=1&] I was talking to a dear friend this morning about the radio show I was pushing in my last post, SixxSense, and how the show’s host, Motley Crue bassist Nikki Sixx, has been a hurricane of activity since he became…  [Read More]

The Flood

by Bill Brenner March 30, 2010 Depression

The author on how the deluge Massachusetts is experiencing is as brutal on the mind as it is on basements. Mood music for this post: “Rain When I Die” by Alice in Chains: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMm0bpbOOkU&hl=en_US&fs=1&] This isn’t a new topic for me, since I’ve mentioned it many times. But New England is currently getting pounded by another deluge, so it’s worth repeating. This weather is brutal for people who suffer from depression. The dark-gray sky leaves…  [Read More]

The Bright Side of Exhaustion

by Bill Brenner March 26, 2010 Coping tools

Mood music for this post: “So Tired,” by The Beatles: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZf9ncOQ2xM&hl=en_US&fs=1&] I don’t particularly enjoy lying around. To be idle is to not be living. Even back when I was holing myself up in a dark room or dragging my mentally exhausted ass to the couch for hours at a time, I didn’t really like it. But back then I was pinned to the wall by depression and his partners in crime: fear and anxiety….  [Read More]

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