Parenting

Change Is Pain, But Not Impossible

by Bill Brenner March 28, 2011 Addiction

Last night’s 12-Step meeting reminded me of just how hard real change is. I used to measure change by who won the next election. I’ve realized that the only real change that matters is within myself. Naturally, it’s the hardest, most brutal kind of change to achieve. Mood music: [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqkxDgCIsOw&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] Last night’s AA Big Book reading focused on steps 8, 9 and 10: 8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and…  [Read More]

Sean and Duncan Discover The Pixies — And More

by Bill Brenner March 25, 2011 Children's issues

I’m in the long car line in front of the kids’ school this morning. Stuck in park, I put in The Pixies Greatest Hits. The intro to “The Bone Machine” fills the car and I start drumming on the steering wheel. Mood music: [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJfCIQHwQT8&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] “Dad, how did you get so good?” Sean asks. I’m not very good, but to an almost 10-year-old it doesn’t take much to impress. “I dunno. I guess it comes…  [Read More]

Mister Rogers’ Mother Was Right

by Bill Brenner March 14, 2011 Children's issues

Say what you will about Mister Rogers. His speech and mannerisms may stop being cool after you hit puberty, but the lessons he taught are timeless and ageless. My friend Olivia Gatti shared this quote from Mr. Rogers on Facebook awhile back: When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” To this day,…  [Read More]

Raising Sane Kids In An Insane World

by Bill Brenner March 10, 2011 Children's issues

Yesterday I was asked about tips for dealing with children who have OCD. Neither of mine have it (not officially, anyway), but our experiences with Duncan are leading us to some pretty all-purpose action items. Mood music: [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xoGWe9l-OG8&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] As I’ve said before, my kids will be in a much better position to deal with mental ticks than I was, because I have coping skills to teach them that my parents didn’t have. First, a…  [Read More]

A Visit to Duncan’s Doctor

by Bill Brenner February 23, 2011 Children's issues

Monday Erin and I visited with the head doctor at the medical office we’ve taken the children to since they were born. The subject: Duncan’s behavior. The boy has a heart of gold and a razor-sharp wit, but as I’ve written before, winter messes with his mind as badly as it does mine. He’s always had his quirks, as we all do. Some of them are disruptive enough that we decided to have him evaluated….  [Read More]

Some Days, I Don’t Have My Shit Together

by Bill Brenner February 10, 2011 Children's issues

A lot of people read this blog because I always try to put a silver lining on tough stuff. But some days I fail to live up to the image. Yesterday was one of those days, when I let a 7-year-old get the better of me. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mX8n5IiSB-8&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] You see, Duncan is like me in that too much winter messes with his mental balance. He’ll get goofy, sad and every emotion in between at…  [Read More]

Good Day

by Bill Brenner February 5, 2011 Family

It’s a good day when the two boys and their 2-year-old niece pull me out of bed at 6:30 a.m. Some would say that’s early, but for me that’s sleeping in. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_VfhKfCpDI&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] It’s a good day when I can spend the morning doing house work and grocery shopping without feeling bitter or cheated about the lack of laziness. It’s a good day when one of your best friends comes over with his kids…  [Read More]

Stuff My Kids (and Niece) Say, Part 4

by Bill Brenner February 3, 2011 Children's issues

Parenthood is painful at times, especially when one or both parents has had a mental illness that makes the smallest things seem like calamities. Addictive behavior isn’t good for parenting because it makes you selfish. A selfish parent is a disaster. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9RZXaoaK8NI&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] I’m constantly worried about the kids inheriting my genetic disposition toward mental disorder. But Duncan helps me out, as does Sean, and, increasingly, their cousin Madison. In between the various meltdowns, the three children…  [Read More]

Message for a Young Friend

by Bill Brenner January 13, 2011 Children's issues

Two old friends have a son who’s been through the meat grinder too many times in his 12 short years. Some think he should settle in for a lesser life than he’s capable of. I say bullshit. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6a9WmfFKs8&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999] My young friend’s name is Mark. He lives in a city on the North Shore of Massachusetts. That’s all I’ll reveal about his identity. But his parents will know this is for him and will…  [Read More]

More on Kids and Divorce

by Bill Brenner December 22, 2010 Children's issues

Yesterday’s post on children and divorce hit a tender nerve for a lot of you, so I feel a few clarifications are in order. Mood music: http://youtu.be/kJHFaU0lpZ8 Here’s what yesterday’s post WAS NOT: –A rebuke of single parents. I know a lot of single parents who bust their ass and give their children a lot more love than some of the married couples I’ve met in my day. –A plea for people in troubled marriages…  [Read More]

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