I Don’t Care About Your Bra Color, Where You Put Your Purse Or Where You’re Going for 15 Months

I’m all for raising awareness. Cancer. Mental Illness. People understand little about these and other maladies. But telling us your bra color isn’t going to help.

In the last couple of years, we’ve seen these awareness campaigns where women throw some cryptic message on their Facebook pages. One time it was listing a color. Another time it was where they put their purse. The message would be something suggestive like this: “I like it on the desk, or in the closet.”

The idea is to have a little fun at the expense of men. Men look at their female friends’ status updates and go nuts wondering what they are talking about. Then, at the end of a day or week, the punchline is revealed.

Here’s an example of one such campaign:

Okay pretty ladies,

It’s that time of year again…support of Breast Cancer Awareness!! So we all remember last year’s game of writing your bra color as your status? Or the way we like to have our handbag handy? Last year, so many people took part that it made national news and the constant updating of status reminded everyone why we’re doing this and helped raise …awareness!! Do NOT tell any males what the statuses mean…keep them guessing!! And please copy and paste (in a message) this to all your female friends! It’s time to confuse the men again (not that it’s really that hard to do ;]) The idea is to choose the month you were born and the day you were born. Pass this on to the GIRLS ONLY and lets see how far it reaches around. The last one about the bra went around all over the world.

Your status should say: “I am going to________________for___________ months.”

The day you were born should be for how many months you are going.

This one was particularly bad because someone’s mom or dad or best friend is going to freak out on learning that their loved one is going away for more than a year. It’s in bad taste.

Here’s the problem with these campaigns in general: It first assumes that men are clueless about breast cancer. If you are the spouse or parent of someone with breast cancer, you’re pretty damn clued in. It also ignores that men can get breast cancer too. One of the more famous male victims is Peter Criss, original drummer in KISS.

All the bra color and purse placement campaigns did was leave men picturing lady friends in their bras or having sex on a desk or in a closet. I can assure you, breast cancer awareness was the last thing on their minds.

As someone who has tried to raise awareness in this blog on the risks and remedies for addictive behavior, mental illness and Crohn’s Disease, I know I’m not going to make anyone smarter by announcing the color of my underwear. In fact, that would just be gross.

To me, raising awareness is about sharing your personal experiences, medical studies and tips for something like minimizing the side effects of chemotherapy (if that’s even possible). When you take people on a personal journey, they walk away with a much better understanding of what they can do to help.

I’ll end with what I think is the best example of this — a book by my friend Penny Morang Richards called “My Breast Cancer Sally.” There’s also a blog called “My Breast Cancer Chronicle.”

There are many other blogs out there that raise awareness for everything from breast cancer to sexual addiction.

Seek out those sources. And keep your bra color to yourselves.

My Breast Cancer Sally

SOPA Shelved, But Fight Not Over

You might remember my warning about SOPA and the Protect IP ACT, legislation that as written would lead to massive censorship on the Internet. Today there’s some good news.

Mood music:

http://youtu.be/XWhInhE6emE

It appears SOPA is headed for the shelf due to the rising tide of opposition. Details on the site where I do my day job, CSOonline.

I also wrote a post warning people that this isn’t over by a long shot.

We’re working on another story, which I’ll link to here later on this afternoon.

Meantime, a reminder on why these bills are so bad:

When you think of all America’s efforts to protect its citizens, the goal is always to protect A WAY OF LIFE. Our right to free speech and expression. The Internet has allowed that freedom to flourish in the form of personal blogs, social networking and so on. If the government gets the power to block that freedom, all our other security efforts will be rendered meaningless.

That’s my security argument. But let’s look at this in the scope of personal blogging. I started this blog to break stigmas around mental illness and addiction. There are many other blogs out there with similar missions.

This legislation threatens all of it.

A few months ago I wrote a post about how I was ripped off by The Midwest Center For Stress and Anxiety and how, in my experience, it’s a sham. That post has gotten more page views than any other I’ve written, and it has received countless comments, most of them mirroring my own experiences.

If this law were enacted, The Midwest Center could petition the government to block my site for posting content harmful to it’s business interests.

The government would also have greater authority to block much of the content we all post on Facebook.

I don’t deny that there is a problem with pirated content in this country. But this kind of response is typical of the entertainment industry.

Instead of embracing the new ways people choose to get their multimedia content, the industry tries to punish us instead. Their profits are drying up because consumers are abandoning them.

When your business can’t adapt to changing times, it doesn’t survive. It’s simple. It’s fair. The entertainment industry and big software companies can’t handle this simple truth. So they’re using the government to beat consumers into submission.

Don’t let it happen.

The EFF page I link to above makes it very easy for you to send your elected officials a message asking them to vote against this legislation.

Simply go to the top right of the page, enter your zip code, then fill in your name and address.

I did. Now it’s your turn.

Don’t let this bullshit stand.

Never Have I Cared So Little About The N.H. Primary

I used to be a political junkie, getting my fix under the delusion that the fate of the world rested on the outcome on an election. I was particularly obsessed about the N.H. primary.

Mood music:

http://youtu.be/9F8QM3tjkTE

With the 2012 N.H. primary taking place today, I must confess: Never have I cared so little or felt so unrepresented. But this isn’t a post about gloom and doom or the fall of America.

It’s simply about the realization that we sometimes look for our saviors in the wrong places.

As I said, the fate of the world always seemed to hang on the next election. In 1994, when I was a lot more liberal than I am today, I felt devastated and depressed when the GOP swept both chambers of Congress. Two years before that, when Bill Clinton was elected president, I thought all would be right with the world. A lot of people had the same emotional jolt almost four years ago when Obama was elected.

But, you see, I’ve found in more recent years that my personal happiness has absolutely nothing to do with which way the political winds are blowing. What says it all are the lyrics from the Avett Brothers song “Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise” —

When nothing is owed, deserved or expected

And you’re life doesn’t change by the man that’s elected

If your loved by someone you’re never rejected.

Decide what to be and go be it.

My life has taken turns for the better and worse regardless of who is in office. Government can’t change me. Only I can.

I’ve also realized that politicians will fail us every time. Everyone thought Obama would close the Guantanamo Bay detention camp and reverse policies where innocent people were detained for years without trial or explanation, then he turns around and signs an unconstitutional defense bill that gives the government power to  do more of the same.

The field of Republican candidates, meanwhile, show no promise. It’s just more of the same, in my opinion.

We don’t know how this election year will turn out, but I do know plenty of things for certain:

1.) The most important parts of my life — family, control over my addictions and managing my mental ticks — are all things I can influence for better or worse. Who goes to Washington is irrelevant in those affairs.

2.) Politics to me is a game, like football. I never cared much for football.

3.) We all have far more control over our own lives than we think. Those of us lucky enough to realize that become increasingly disinterested in the political game.

I do admit that I may have swung too far in the apathetic direction. Maybe some day I’ll find national politics important again. It will never be the way it was. But maybe I’ll find a middle ground.

But not today.

http://youtu.be/UW8UlY8eXCk

You want change? Be the change. Work on the problems that hold you back. Work on being a better spouse, parent, friend and colleague.

When you can do that, you’ll brighten more lives than you ever thought possible.

Love that Joker...

Regarding Mike Dahn And The BSides Controversy

This is really an issue for my security blog, but this week’s blow-up over alleged mismanagement of Security B-Sides connects with me on a personal level best expressed here.

Mood music:

http://youtu.be/KIb-6oaCTPU

A couple days ago, a Security Errata article appeared detailing financial mismanagement of the Security B-Sides events. It singled out Mike Dahn, one of BSides’ founders, for mismanaging things and lying about it. Dahn published a response in his blog yesterday.

I’ll let the security community chew over who is right and who is wrong. I’ve had my say in the security blog here and here.

I just want to make a few personal observations here.

First, I’ve read Security Errata and Attrition.org for a long time and trust these guys. They do their homework and serve a critical role in the security community: Keeping the rest of us honest. When I saw their article about Dahn, I wasn’t happy for two reasons:

1. I consider Dahn a friend.

2. The folks who write the Security Errata material have an ironclad reputation and when they point a finger, it’s hard to dismiss.

This is one of those cases where you want to believe both sides. But you can’t really take both sides when someone suggests financial mismanagement, can you? And yet I’m going to try anyway.

I think the truth here lies in the middle. Security B-Sides got really popular really fast. I can’t keep up with financial and legal administravia on my best days. If I were one of the B-Sides founders, I probably would have had all the finances screwed up midway through the first day. But then that’s why I don’t get involved with planning these things.

Still, given the freakish growth of B-Sides, it’s not difficult to see how things could go haywire even if you’re a master at finances and legal documentation.

That’s the problem with anything run by humans. Humans are flawed to the core, and so is everything they touch. The hope is that somewhere in all the screwing up, you get something good that benefits a lot of people. In this case, I think Security B-Sides has been good for a lot of us. It has offered the security community fresh perspective in an industry where conferences offer too much bling and not enough substance. I’ve forged relationships at BSides events that have helped me do my job better. That’s for certain.

In this story, I’m not interested in where the blame belongs. I just want those involved to come clean and explain the steps they are taking to fix what needs fixing.

Whatever happens going forward, just try to remember:

We all fuck up, all the time.

Maybe our failure is in mismanaged funds.

Or maybe it’s an addiction we can’t shake that’s destroying everything good about our lives.

Or maybe we just have a habit of thinking we’re better than the next guy when we know nothing about the next guy’s situation.

You know my faults. I’ve covered them in this blog at length in an effort to show that I’ve learned from my mistakes and that there’s a better life to be had if you simply own your weaknesses and face them down. As you’ve seen, despite my progress, I still make mistakes on a regular basis.

None of us are damaged beyond repair.

Neither are our works.

That includes BSides.

THE OCD DIARIES, Two Years Later

Two years ago today, in a moment of Christmas-induced depression, I started this blog. I meant for it to be a place where I could go and spill out the insanity in my head so I could carry on with life.

In short order, it snowballed into much more than that.

Mood music:

http://youtu.be/IKpEoRlcHfA

About a year into my recovery from serious mental illness and addiction — the most uncool, unglamorous addiction at that — I started thinking about sharing where I’ve been. My reasoning was simple: I’d listened to a lot of people toss around the OCD acronym to describe everything from being a type A personality to just being stressed. I also saw a lot of people who were traveling the road I’d been down and were hiding their true nature from the world for fear of a backlash at work and in social circles.

At some point, that bullshit became unacceptable to me.

I started getting sick of hiding. I decided the only way to beat my demons at their sick little game was to push them out into the light, so everyone could see how ugly they were and how bad they smelled. That would make them weaker, and me stronger. And so that’s how this started out, as a stigma-busting exercise.

Then, something happened. A lot of you started writing to me about your own struggles and asking questions about how I deal with specific challenges life hurls at me. The readership has steadily increased.

Truth be told, life with THE OCD DIARIES hasn’t been what I’d call pure bliss. There are many mornings where I’d rather be doing other things, but the blog calls to me. A new thought pops into my head and has to come out. It can also be tough on my wife, because sometimes she only learns about what’s going on in my head from what’s in the blog. I don’t mean to do that. It’s just that I often can’t form my thoughts clearly in discussion. I come here to do it, and when I’m done the whole world sees it.

More than once I’ve asked Erin if I should kill this blog. Despite the discomfort it can cause her at times, she always argues against shutting it down. It’s too important to my own recovery process, and others stand to learn from it or at least relate to it.

And so I push forward.

One difference: I run almost ever post I write by her before posting it. I’ve shelved several posts at her recommendation, and it’s probably for the best. Restraint has never been one of my strengths.

This blog has helped me repair relationships that were strained or broken. It has also damaged some friendships. When you write all your feelings down without a filter, you’re inevitably going to make someone angry.

One dear friend suggested I push buttons for a good story and don’t know how to let sleeping dogs lie. She’s right about the sleeping dogs part, but I don’t agree with the first suggestion. I am certainly a button pusher. But I don’t push to generate a good story. I don’t set out to do that, at least.

Life happens and I write about how I feel about it, and how I try to apply the lessons I’ve learned. It’s never my way or the highway. If you read this blog as an instruction manual for life, you’re doing it wrong. What works for me isn’t necessarily going to fit your own needs.

Over time, the subject matter of this blog has broadened. It started out primarily as a blog about OCD and addiction. Then it expanded to include my love of music and my commentary on current events as they relate to our mental state.

I recently rewrote the “about” section of the blog to better explain the whole package. Reiterating it is a pretty good way to end this entry. You can see it here.

Thanks for reading.

"Obsession," by Bill Fennell

Pepperspray, Waffle Makers And Other Black Friday Stupidity

This post is all about the folks who make it hard for me to keep my faith in humanity. Consider it a momentary indulgence where I give thanks that for all my screw ups, I don’t behave like this.

I spend a lot of time in this blog looking at the brighter side of human nature — examples of people rising above the odds and living to the fullest despite the hand they’ve been dealt.

This is not one of those posts.

Really, people — you’re acting like apes throwing feces over a waffle maker.  This is the problem with Black Friday. We spend the day before giving thanks for all the things we have. Then at midnight we go out and resort to greed-driven animal behavior.

I’ll give you this — you’re making me feel pretty good about myself right now. I may struggle with OCD and addictive behavior, I may have trouble expressing my emotions and I may be a bit of a control freak.

But I will never go out at midnight and dive into a quivering mass of angry humanity over a waffle maker.

Damn, I’m thankful.

But the waffle fight wasn’t even the biggest low.

One asshole shot a shopper who wouldn’t relinquish his purchases outside a San Leandro, Calif., Walmart store, leaving the poor guy hospitalized in critical but stable condition.

The Washington Post and the AP report that at another Walmart in a wealthy suburb of Los Angeles, a woman trying to get the upper hand to buy cheap electronics unleashed pepper spray on a crowd of shoppers, causing minor injuries to 20 people, police said.

That’s some interesting behavior in a country where much of the population is supposedly out of work and unable to afford the products they’re fighting over.

To be fair, there ARE a lot of people out of work who can’t afford these things. But, fortunately, the majority appear to have more self control than these other Black Friday kooks.

Here’s hoping that yesterday was just a freakish blip on the screen in which the human experience is played out.

Thankful Friday

I have much to be thankful for this morning after Thanksgiving. A list:

Mood music:

http://youtu.be/V8et8ReesOM

–Erin’s Uncle David, for letting me take his vintage car for a spin around the block.

Erin, Sean and Duncan, simply for being who they are.

–My sister Stacey, husband Sean and niece and nephew Lilly and Chase, for inviting us into their home for an excellent Thanksgiving dinner.

–My brother Brian, for cooking.

–My kid sister Shira, for her always contagious sunny disposition.

–My program of recovery, for keeping me disciplined during the feast so I didn’t turn into the bloated wreck I used to be at every holiday.

–My brother-in-law’s father Frank, for educating me on every restaurant within a 10-mile square radius of my office.

–My in-laws, for always making me feel at ease.

–All our friends. We seem to have more of them each day.

–A lazy day-after. Self explanatory.

–A spectacular sunrise. Because sunshine is my fuel.

–Starbucks K-cups. Yes, they finally exist. I got a massive box of ’em in Costco last week.

–My job. Because my work helps make me whole, and I’m lucky to work with so many cool people.

What are you thankful for?

Here’s To The Forgiving Souls

A friend of mine was taken aback yesterday when I used a text she sent me in a post. I thought it would be OK because I was keeping her identity a secret. But in hindsight, I should have asked first.

That’s the challenge with a blog like this. I need to take things right to the danger line to make points I feel need making. But sometimes I step over that line. I’ve worked on being extra careful, but it’s obviously a work in progress.

But there’s a bigger point to this than my own foolishness. My friend was not amused by what I did and she made it known. But she quickly forgave me and on with life we go.

That’s one of the many things I admire about this friend. She’ll get angry and sound off, but she doesn’t hold a grudge and freeze out the folks who get on her bad side.

As many of us know, holding grudges is the easiest thing in the world to do. So is NOT holding grudges.

That’s a sign of deep character and strength. I’m lucky to have her as a friend, despite myself.

A Lesson From Gabby Giffords

I recently watched Diane Sawyer’s interview with Congresswoman Gabby Giffords and her husband Mark Kelly. To say I was moved would be an understatement. Hers is the story of a spirited fight back from near death.

If you ever get the feeling you can’t do something or overcome big challenges, you should watch this. It will show you that nothing is too big to overcome.

http://youtu.be/VOZgta88L5A

We Can’t Allow The US Stop Online Piracy Act To Become Law

I don’t like using this blog to make political stands. But one look at the legislative swill known as the PROTECT IP Act in the Senate and Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) in the House and I knew I had to speak up.

Mood music:

http://youtu.be/NlatOLl0NDg

I laid out the security risks in my Salted Hash security blog on CSOonline.com. But this is about a lot more than Internet security.

Mashable posted an infographic that describes the threat much better than I ever could with words. Allow me to share:

The Electronic Frontier Foundation (EFF) does a good job of explaining what’s at stake on its website:


The Internet Blacklist Legislation – known as PROTECT IP Act in the Senate and Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) in the House – is a threatening sequel to last year’s COICA Internet censorship bill. Like its predecessor, this legislation invites Internet security risks, threatens online speech, and hampers Internet innovation. Urge your members of Congress to reject this Internet blacklist campaign in both its forms!

Big media and its allies in Congress are billing the Internet Blacklist Legislation as a new way to prevent online infringement. But innovation and free speech advocates know that this initiative is nothing more than a dangerous wish list that will compromise Internet security while doing little or nothing to encourage creative expression.

As drafted, the legislation would grant the government and private parties unprecedented power to interfere with the Internet’s domain name system (DNS). The government would be able to force ISPs and search engines to redirect or dump users’ attempts to reach certain websites’ URLs. In response, third parties will woo average users to alternative servers that offer access to the entire Internet (not just the newly censored U.S. version), which will create new computer security vulnerabilities as the reliability and universality of the DNS evaporates.

It gets worse: Under SOPA’s provisions, service providers (including hosting services) would be under new pressure to monitor and police their users’ activities. While PROTECT-IP targeted sites “dedicated to infringing activities,” SOPA targets websites that simply don’t do enough to track and police infringement (and it is not at all clear what would be enough). And it creates new powers to shut down folks who provide tools to help users get access to the Internet the rest of the world sees (not just the “U.S. authorized version”).

Here’s why I see this legislation as a security threat:

Even though it’s not the bill’s intent, the language would give the government power to squash any website it deems in violation of the law. If a big technology company were to object to content posted on a security research site or blog — details of a software vulnerability, for example — it could lean on the government to block it. The big vendors would then be free to sit on vulnerabilities for as long as they wanted.

But that’s just a small piece of the problem.

When you think of all America’s efforts to protect its citizens, the goal is always to protect A WAY OF LIFE. Our right to free speech and expression. The Internet has allowed that freedom to flourish in the form of personal blogs, social networking and so on. If the government gets the power to block that freedom, all our other security efforts will be rendered meaningless.

That’s my security argument. But let’s look at this in the scope of personal blogging. I started this blog to break stigmas around mental illness and addiction. There are many other blogs out there with similar missions.

This legislation threatens all of it.

A few months ago I wrote a post about how I was ripped off by The Midwest Center For Stress and Anxiety and how, in my experience, it’s a sham. That post has gotten more page views than any other I’ve written, and it has received countless comments, most of them mirroring my own experiences.

If this law were enacted, The Midwest Center could petition the government to block my site for posting content harmful to it’s business interests.

The government would also have greater authority to block much of the content we all post on Facebook.

I don’t deny that there is a problem with pirated content in this country. But this kind of response is typical of the entertainment industry.

Instead of embracing the new ways people choose to get their multimedia content, the industry tries to punish us instead. Their profits are drying up because consumers are abandoning them.

When your business can’t adapt to changing times, it doesn’t survive. It’s simple. It’s fair. The entertainment industry and big software companies can’t handle this simple truth. So they’re using the government to beat consumers into submission.

Don’t let it happen.

The EFF page I link to above makes it very easy for you to send your elected officials a message asking them to vote against this legislation.

Simply go to the top right of the page, enter your zip code, then fill in your name and address.

I did. Now it’s your turn.

Don’t let this bullshit stand.