Sobriety and abstinence

An OCD Diaries Primer

by Bill Brenner March 20, 2010 Addiction

A collection of posts that form the back story of this blog. Mood music: [spotify:track:19n9s9SfnLtwPEODqk8KCT] The Long History of OCD An OCD Christmas. The first entry, where I give an overview of how I got to crazy and found my way to sane. The Bad Pill Kept Me from the Good Pill. How the drug Prednisone brought me to the brink, and how Prozac was part of my salvation. The Crazy-Ass Guy in the Newsroom….  [Read More]

Forgiveness is a Bitch

by Bill Brenner March 19, 2010 Faith

Seeking and giving forgiveness is essential to my faith and ability to fight my addictive impulses. But it’s often seen as a green light for more abuse. Mood music: For you to understand what I’m about to get into, a review of the 12 Steps of Recovery are in order: 1. We admitted we were powerless over [insert addiction. Here’s mine]—that our lives had become unmanageable. 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than…  [Read More]

Willie Wonka and the Cocaine Factory

by Bill Brenner March 15, 2010 Addiction

The author watched Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory for the first time since cleaning up from a binge eating disorder. What a trip. Yesterday the rain was coming down sideways, so the Brenner clan decided to put in a DVD of Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. It’s still a great movie, but since my main troubles with addictive behavior stem from flour and sugar, which I gave up on Oct. 1, 2008, watching…  [Read More]

Portable Recovery

by Bill Brenner March 8, 2010 Addiction

Though addiction will follow the junkie anywhere in the world, the author has discovered that recovery is just as portable. Mood Music for this post: “Turn the Page” — the Metallica version: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOibtqWo6z4&hl=en_US&fs=1&] I’ve seen interview after interview where musicians describe their drug habits and how being on the road made them so much worse. One of the best examples was Motley Crue on the Girls Girls Girls tour, where the four band members’ addictions…  [Read More]

Sober in San Francisco (Aint Easy)

by Bill Brenner March 2, 2010 Addiction

The author has been sober and on a rigid eating plan to control his addictions for some time. But nothing puts him to the test quite like time on the road. Mood music for this post: “Saints of Los Angeles” by Motley Crue — [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XFMVHRZztM&hl=en_US&fs=1&] Here’s the thing with security conferences (and conferences in general): a ton of food is lying around and booze seems to ooze from every building. That used to suit me…  [Read More]

Addicted to Feeling Good: A Love-Hate Story

by Bill Brenner February 17, 2010 Addiction

Every now and then, it’s useful to look back at who I used to be so I can appreciate who I am today. I do it partly to laugh at how — in many ways, despite the progress I’ve made — I can still be as stupid in adulthood as I was 20-plus years ago. As I write this we’re halfway through Lent — a time to sacrifice habits you love — or, in my case,…  [Read More]

What Kind of Day It Has Been

by Bill Brenner February 16, 2010 Addiction

The author’s day has not gone as planned. He’s OK with that, though he wasn’t always. Mood music for this post: “Adrift And At Peace” from NIN: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iMnv8zrmAyU&hl=en_US&fs=1&] This day has not gone as planned. I wanted to be in the office today plowing through some work. But another winter storm forced me to work from home. Some would say it’s great I can do that, and it is. But when there’s a lot on…  [Read More]

Sobriety vs. Abstinence

by Bill Brenner February 8, 2010 Addiction

Whenever I share my experiences with OCD and the related binge-eating disorder [See: The Most Uncool Addiction], there’s a word I always refrain from using if I’m outside the safe confines of my OA group: Abstinence. I don’t hate the word. But I don’t like it much, either. All anyone ever thinks about when it’s uttered is refraining from sex or studying for the Catholic priesthood. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I am…  [Read More]

The Engine in Hyperdrive

by Bill Brenner February 7, 2010 Adventures in writing

It’s Sunday and I’m wrapping up my visit to the #ShmooCon security conference in Washington D.C. My compulsive tendencies are humming along at full throttle, which isn’t as bad as it seems. True, the goal is to minimize the OCD overdrive as much as possible. Especially when it comes to giving in to one’s addictions. But sometimes it’s good to have that extra drive. I’ve produced three articles and two podcasts from #ShmooCon, which is…  [Read More]

Rest Re-defined

by Bill Brenner February 2, 2010 Fear and anxiety

The author finds that he gets the most relaxation from the things he once feared the most. Mood music  A strange thing happened to me on the way to recovery: I started finding peace and relaxation in the very things that used to fill me with fear and spark anxiety attacks. [See Fear Factor] It used to be that relaxing meant holing myself up in the bedroom watching endless episodes of Star Trek. I watched…  [Read More]

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