For a variety of reasons, I’m starting to wonder if it’s time to pull the pin on this grenade. There are good reasons to do so.
Mood music:
I started this blog to come clean about my demons and break all the stigmas attached to them. But I’m at the point where I’ve said about all I can say about it.
–The emotionally-scarring back story? Check.
–The story of how I used to be and how I got to where I am now? Check.
–The tools I use to keep addictions and depression at bay? You’ve read about it a million times.
–The adventures of living with OCD? Well, that is how this sucker got started.
Here’s the problem: No matter how good your intentions are, the more you keep writing about the past and the ticks you have as a result, the more you’re doomed to repeat all the mistakes and relive all the suffering. That’s what I worry will happen, anyway.
The other problem is that I’m in danger of being defined more by my demons than everything else. I’m in a better place than I used to be in, and I’ve learned and experienced a lot. But when you read a blog like this, it’s fair to wonder if I spend every waking moment obsessing about my disease and nothing else.
I don’t, actually. But I’ve formed an image to the contrary.
I’m not contemplating an end to personal blogging. I’m just thinking of tying a bow on this one, leaving it in cyberspace for people to read as needed, and start something else.
I want to be able to write about whatever I please without always having to tie it back into the OCD theme.
This blog was never just about that anyway.
This has been a blog about life, really: Learning to overcome all the challenges God throws at us. It’s been a much broader case study into human nature — mine and yours — than the title suggests.
I don’t intend to stop doing that. I’m just thinking of doing it differently.
It won’t happen overnight. But change is inevitable — as it should be.
I’m thinking of two classmates from high school today: Anne Wallace-Demenkow and her husband, Shawn. Their daughter, Emily, would have turned 13 this week.
Mood music:
She died from cancer at age 6.
I know from my brief Facebook exchanges with Anne that this was a terrible loss for her family. What could be worse than losing a child? I don’t know the answer and I hope to never find out. But I’ve lost a sibling and I saw what that did to my parents.
I bring this up because there are a lot of ways this kind of loss can ruin a person. Some people are eaten alive by the pain and others learn to keep living despite it. Anne and Shawn found a way to keep living.
I never knew Emily and, truth be told, I’m not close with Anne and Shawn. We’re just connected on Facebook because we went to high school together. Anne was in my shop. I didn’t think much of her back then. I’m sure the feeling was mutual. No big deal. We just hung out with different crowds.
But on reconnecting via Facebook a few years ago, I’ve seen what a dedicated Mom Anne is. She has shared the pain of losing Emily, but the joy she feels over her other kids, her husband and her community shine through daily.
You can tell a lot about a person by the stuff they post on Facebook. Some people troll, whine and brag. Others simply share their joy and gratitude over being alive, even if life has been cruel at times.
I stay connected with the latter crowd because I need that positive energy to rub off on me.
I want to thank Anne for sending that positive energy, despite what she’s been through.
May her and Shawn take comfort in knowing their little girl is looking out for them from Heaven.
Today is the wake and funeral for Jessica Cormier, the girl who worked for my parents and was murdered last week.
I was at the family business Saturday and you could tell everyone there is devastated by the loss. I’m told she could handle any task around there. Having worked there as a teenager and early twenty-something, I can tell you that’s no small feat.
I’m sorry I never got to know her, but I’m grateful to her for helping the family as she did. For those who want to pay their respects, here’s the wake and funeral information, from the Boston Herald death notice:
CORMIER Jessica Barbara Rose of Everett, January 3rd, at 20 years of age. Devoted daughter of Walter and Barbara (Melesciuc) Cormier. Beloved sister of Nicole Cormier and her fiance Lee Thomas and his son Samuel Thomas of Everett. Granddaughter of the late Stephen and Barbara Melesciuc and Walter and Catherine Cormier. Also lovingly survived by many aunts, uncles, cousins and friends. Family and friends are kindly invited to attend a Funeral Service in the Smith Funeral Home, 125 Washington Avenue, CHELSEA, on Monday, January 9th, at 12:00 Noon. Visitation will be held prior to the service beginning at 10:00 A.M. Services will conclude with interment at Holy Cross Cemetery, Malden. In lieu of flowers, donations in her name may be made to any cause or organization that assists families that lost a loved one to a violent crime. Smith Funeral Home 617-889-1177 www.smithfuneralhomes.com
“This is a horrific and senseless case in which we allege that the defendant fatally stabbed the young victim numerous times, causing her death,” District Attorney Leone said. “Our thoughts are with Jessica’s family, who have lost a young woman dearly beloved by her family and friends.”
Authorities say Berry and Cormier knew each other and the violent attack occurred outside on Pearl Street, not from the victim’s home.
On Tuesday, a family member had heard screaming, went downstairs to the apartment’s foyer and found the victim on the floor.
Police searched Berry’s residence in Chelsea and evidence was recovered. Preliminary testing on some of the evidence tested positive for human blood.
Berry will be arraigned Monday in Malden District Court.
I hope this starts the process of justice and healing for Jessica’s family and friends.
I didn’t really know Jessica Cormier. I met her a couple times in passing. But to my father and stepmom, she was important.
Mood music:
I was very sad to learn that Jessica was murdered earlier this week — stabbed in the heart by some deranged punk. A life cut short far too young. She was only 20 years old.
I met her a couple times in my father’s wharehouse, where she worked. She helped out a couple times at my parents’ condo, where my father has been recovering from a stroke. My stepmom, Diane, always spoke glowingly of Jessica, and she’s taking this loss pretty hard.
I hope the cops find the guy who did this soon, before he gets the chance to extinguish another young life.
I hope her parents find peace and solace in knowing that their daughter is now an angel in Heaven, impervious to anyone who would try to hurt her again.
This is one of those events where you stop and wonder why God lets these things happen. I used to ask myself about that a lot.
My relationship with God has gone through changes in recent years. I no longer pray for the safety of everyone I know. I just pray we’ll all have the wisdom to live our lives the way we’re supposed to for whatever length of time we’re going to be around. I’ve come to see life’s body blows not as a punishment but as situations we’re supposed to work through to come out stronger.
Jessica Cormier, 20, graduated from Everett High in 2009.
EVERETT – Growing up in a big extended family, Jessica Cormier was “the quiet one,’’ a soft-spoken girl who liked to keep to herself or blend into the crowd.
After graduating from high school in 2009, she worked several jobs while living at home with her parents, saving money for a place of her own.
But on Tuesday evening, the 20-year-old was fatally stabbed outside her parents’ home, in an apparently targeted attack that left those who knew her grief-stricken and grasping for answers.
“She was so sweet, so good,’’ her aunt, Susan Melesciuc, said through tears. “She had her whole life in front of her.’’
Melesciuc said she could not imagine who would want to hurt her niece, and described her as a “good kid’’ who spent much of her time at home. Cormier’s parents were at home at the time of the attack, she said.
The Middlesex district attorney’s office said investigators do not believe the attack was random, but otherwise provided no details about a possible motive. No arrests have been made.
Authorities declined to say whether police had previously visited the home or whether Cormier had taken out a restraining order.
Neighbors said Cormier was stabbed in the doorway to the three-family home around 6:45 p.m., and that her screams sent several people rushing to her aid. They wrapped her in a sheet and applied pressure to her wounds, but could not stop the bleeding.
“She lost a lot of blood,’’ said next-door neighbor Nicholas Riggin, whose son ran to Cormier’s side. “The poor girl was just minding her own business. She was a nice girl. She didn’t bother nobody. It’s very sad.’’
Riggin and other residents on Pearl Street said they did not see the perpetrators or hear any disturbance before Cormier’s screams.
Cormier was transported to Massachusetts General Hospital, where she was pronounced dead.
Cormier graduated from Everett High School in 2009. In her senior yearbook, which included a baby picture of her wearing a Red Soxhat, she wrote that she had “made it on her own’’ and loved her parents, sister, and family forever.
She listed her nicknames as Kiwi and Little One.
Louis Baldi, the principal of Everett High School, expressed his “deepest sympathies and prayers’’ to Cormier’s family.
Melesciuc said her niece had worked a variety of jobs in recent years, and to her knowledge was not dating anyone.
She said that the family had just spent the holidays together and that Cormier seemed happy. She said she did not believe that Cormier was mixed up with a bad crowd and speculated that she was robbed.
She had learned about the slaying from Cormier’s sister, who she said is devastated by her death.
“I can’t imagine what she is going through,’’ she said.
Neither Cormier’s parents nor her sister could be reached for comment.
Yesterday morning, a young man lay flowers on the front steps of the home.
After getting no answer at the door, he sat on the front step, covering his head with the hood of his jacket and his face with his hands.
For more than 10 minutes, he sat there, tears running down his face.
I’m coming around to the idea that Christmas isn’t the problem. It’s that this time of year amplifies human stupidity as much as it does human goodness.
To a brain starving for more daylight, the stupidity will dwarf the goodness every time. So please indulge me while I point out a few things…
Mood music:
Principal Lorene Marx of Molin Upper Elementary School in Newburyport, Mass., isn’t letting her students get into the giving spirit because it might offend a few of the kids who don’t celebrate Christmas. This is stupid of her because instead of celebrating diversity and promoting all the different cultural festivities of the season she is teaching kids to be narrow-minded and blowing an opportunity to teach kids that it’s better to give than receive.
Hey, Principal Marx: Kindly review my post from a couple week’s ago: “Take Your ‘War on Christmas’ Talk and Shove It.” You’ll notice that while it’s mostly about the judgmental nature of my fellow Catholics this time of year, it’s also about people like you, who keep kids culturally ignorant in an attempt to not offend anyone.
While we’re on the subject of education, what is it about this season that makes people so harsh toward kids who are simply being kids? It’s a funny thing about kids — they have a habit of speaking their minds and there’s not a thing the parents can do because they’re not right there, standing over their children at the critical moment where they say the wrong thing — like talking to their friends about same-sex couples or the existence of Santa.
True, it would be better if these kids saved the gay marriage talk for high school and it would be brilliant if those who don’t believe in Santa would keep their traps shut for the sake of peers who still believe. But all that texting and bus stop gossiping between parents, making the offending kid out to be a demon seed? That kind of judgmental bullshit hurts the kids more than it helps. In fact, it doesn’t help at all.
Meanwhile, there’s a guy in my Facebook family who is on a crusade against all Muslims, everywhere. He posts articles from obscure websites and blogs about all the evils Muslims do.
There’s the Muslim who chopped off his wife’s fingers because she was getting an education behind his back. There were the Muslims who gang-raped a 14-year-old girl and chopped her into kebab meat. If true, these are terrible, terrible things and the perpetrators need to be punished.
The problem with this guy is that in running these articles — mixed with a variety of pro-Christian articles and sayings — he’s painting every Muslim on the planet with the same brush and spreading hate.
Christians are supposed to spread love, not hate. I say this as someone who grew up Jewish and converted to Christianity.
There are good people and evil people in this world and they have a diverse set of beliefs, some well-meaning but distorted and some just rotten to the core.
There are also many, many Muslims, Jews, Christians, Hindus, etc. who practice an abundance of kindness toward their fellow man every day. Maybe you should be fair about it and mention them once in a while.
Some people will unfriend me over this post because they’ll know I’m talking about them.
Here’s what happened, as told by Eagle-Tribune reporter Mike LaBella:
Karen LaPierre, who with her husband Bill LaPierre ran the Angelo Petrozzelli Food Pantry at Sacred Hearts Church, was standing behind her 2010 Ford Taurus parked in front of 55 South Main St. at 5:20 a.m.
Police said she was struck from behind by a 2003 Nissan Altima driven by Lisa Leavitt, 37, of 15 Lapierre St., Haverhill. Police said Leavitt was traveling south on South Main Street at the time. Bill LaPierre was with his wife at the time but was not injured.
Police arrested Leavitt and charged her with motor vehicle homicide while intoxicated and negligent driving. Leavitt is to be arraigned on the charges today in Haverhill District Court.
Karen LaPierre was always at her husband Bill LaPierre’s side. Aside from their work with the food pantry, the LaPierres helped distribute Thanksgiving dinners to families throughout the city and collected Christmas gifts from parishioners to give to children in the city.
Every Sunday morning, the LaPierres would pick up boxes of doughnuts at Heav’nly Donuts to serve following Masses. When they would get to the church, they would start brewing the coffee, said Holly Roche, business manager for Sacred Hearts.
I’m sad for her family and her church community, but also for Lisa Leavitt, who was charged with motor vehicle homicide while intoxicated and negligent driving. That might anger some people, given that she was allegedly the drunk driver who ended a precious life. But I’m thinking of what my friend Mike Kearns said about this on Facebook:
“But for the Grace of God go I. There were many mornings when that could have been me driving in Bradford.”
How many of us have taken the wheel after consuming alcohol, telling ourselves it was just a couple drinks and we’re fine? A lot of us have. Whatever happens in court, Lisa Leavitt is going to suffer for this until the end. She was the instrument of tragedy. She made the decision to drive and now she’s going to have to pay whatever price the law hands her.
But she made the same bad decision a lot of us have made at one time or another.
There are a lot of times we get in the car and drive even though we’re impaired. It’s not just the booze.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve put the pedal to the metal when exhausted or agitated. Drowsy driving and angry driving kills innocent people as often as drunk driving.
I’ve also driven many a time while binging my brains out on $40 worth of McDonald’s drive-thru. When you’re stuffing your face in a compulsive rage, you are hell on wheels. I never hit anyone in the act. But I could have easily. Many times.
Let’s rewind to about 21 years ago. It was registration day at North Shore Community College, where I was enrolled for the fall semester. I was just out of high school and angry at the world for a variety of reasons. I had been working long hours in my father’s warehouse in Saugus and was rubbed raw. I was frustrated because a girl I liked was getting cold feet about the idea of hooking up with a loose cannon like me. It didn’t take much to trigger a temper tantrum.
That day I was rattled hard by the long lines of college registration. I wasn’t expecting it and was full of fear that I wouldn’t get the classes I needed. Not that it really mattered, since my major was liberal arts.
Two hours in, I realized I had to give them a check for the courses I was taking. I had no money and panicked. They allowed me to drive to Saugus to get a check from my father. I was in full road rage mode on the drive there and back.
I was a very angry driver. I would tailgate. I would speed. In the winters I would intentionally spin out my putrid-green 1983 Ford LTD station wagon in parking lots during snowstorms. While in college, I nearly hit another car and flipped off the other driver while my future in-laws sat in the back. Traffic jams would infuriate me. Getting lost would fill me with fear and, in turn, more anger.
It’s a miracle I didn’t kill anyone with my car on those occasions, because I could have easily.
I’m just glad I don’t do that anymore, just as my friend is glad he no longer drives drunk at 5 in the morning.
My prayers are with everyone involved in this tragedy. May the survivors find the peace to carry on.
An old friend of mine suggested the other day that her life has been a “full-circle fail” because she works for a fast-food chain. Here’s why I think she’s anything but a failure.
Mood music:
http://youtu.be/7B–3cId-YE
One of the things I admire about my friend is that she’s so dedicated to her kids. When she suggested in a Facebook post that she has wasted the last several years caring for her kids and parents and was working for a fast-food chain as a result, I immediately thought of two wise comments from two different people:
If you bungle raising your children, I don’t think whatever else you do well matters very much.Jacqueline Lee Bouvier Kennedy Onassis
“Experience life among the commoners. Get a job as a hair dresser and learn more that way.” Writer-humorist Roy Blount Jr., in response to someone at his July talk in Concord, N.H. who asked about studies his son should pursue to sharpen his writing chops.
As a dumb 20-something, I labored under the delusion that certain jobs were beneath me. I was a writer and was therefore too good to work in a coffee shop or a shoe store. Only the little people did those things, I used to think.
Talk about bullshit thinking.
Truth be told, I would have been a lot happier in my 20s had I worked in a coffee shop. I could have started my caffeine addiction sooner and maybe avoided all those years I spent lost in the haze of more harmful addictions.
Or not.
One thing is clear to me though: If you spend all your time on your children and end up working in a fast-food restaurant to help pay the bills, you are not a failure.
Today is Teddy Roosevelt’s birthday, which I bring up because his is the ultimate story about staring adversity in the face, grinning and spitting in its eye.
Mood music:
TR was a sickly boy whose asthma often left him struggling for breath. He could have used that as an excuse early on to avoid life’s big challenges. Instead, he lifted weights obsessively and built himself into a bull of a man who would live what he called “the strenuous life” until it drove him to the grave.
TR went through a lot of bad stuff in his life. Let me demonstrate with a little help from Wikipedia:
–Sickly and asthmatic as a child, Roosevelt had to sleep propped up in bed or slouching in a chair during much of his early years, and had frequent ailments.
–His first wife Alice died young of an undiagnosed case of kidney failure two days after their infant Alice was born. His mother Mittie died of typhoid fever on the same day, eleven hours earlier, in the same house.
–His youngest son was shot down behind German lines during the first world war.
Despite all that hell, he lived every day like it was his last.
–He was a prolific author, writing with passion on subjects ranging from foreign policy to the importance of the national park system. wrote about 18 books (each in several editions), including his Autobiography,[90]The Rough Riders[91]History of the Naval War of 1812,[92] and others on subjects such as ranching, explorations, and wildlife. His most ambitious book was the four volume narrative The Winning of the West, which connected the origin of a new “race” of Americans (i.e. what he considered the present population of the United States to be) to the frontier conditions their ancestors endured throughout the 17th, 18th, and early 19th centuries.
–He was a political warrior. We all know he was president, but before that he was governor of New York, Assistant Secretary of the Navy, vice president, NY police commissioner and a state assemblyman.
–While running to win back the presidency in 1912 (he didn’t succeed), he was shot in the chest. He delivered his speech anyway, speaking for 90 minutes.
–After the presidency, he lived hard right to the end, going on expeditions of Africa and South America (the latter journey nearly killing him) and staying active in politics.
I think of him whenever I have a tough day, get sick or experience tragedy. He never took it lying down, and neither will I.
