Most of us love to beat on ourselves when something goes wrong. That’s certainly true when a recovering addict relapses. I’m fine now, but I’ve crashed and burned this way many times before.
I’ve learned that the only thing I can do is get back on the horse and ride on, even if I end up falling off a few more times. I either get back up or die. And unless God has other plans, I don’t plan to do that yet.
There’s a lot of music out there that’ll inspire people in relapse to carry on. One of my favorites is this Sixx A.M. song:
[spotify:track:3RXneTIRTlNELctDYlwg5L]
Sure, you can beat the shit out of yourself when the going gets tough. But take it from a guy who’s done that: There’s no fulfillment to be had in beating yourself.
Be good to yourself.
Don’t just do it for yourself.
Do it for the people you care about, because when you’re miserable, they’re miserable.
If making others miserable is OK with you, then you’re just being an idiot.
But your better than that, aren’t you?
You know Bill, it is a strange thing. I always found that when a person has addiction, they also seem to have a observatory knack for seeing things that people who don’t have addiction, miss. They have a clarity of perception, that I think many of us tend to miss in the day to day bustle of life. Addiction I was told, is a very selfish disease and life is viewed in shades of gray; often some darker than others. When one is in the throes of addiction, everything else is secondary. Even those we care about and love. Despite that, the person suffering from addiction, can see other people in a way, that they don’t see themselves. I had a friend who suffered from the same eating disorder as you. However despite that, she always reminded me to be true to myself. To never let my needs fall behind and that I have to be as important to myself as I am to others. It is very easy that when you care about someone else, especially when they have a illness, to lose yourself in their addiction or pain. I always found that as a strange dichotomy and a puzzle.
I am glad that you have the willpower to get back up after falling. I have seen it too many times, the reverse. Whether it’s food or alcohol, or some other addiction, to remember that there are people who care about you, even when you think they don’t or not worthy of it. Keep on plugging along until you succeed in your goals.