For all my writing about being positive, throwing myself into work and taking care of myself, I’d be lying if I told you I had it together all day, every day. Being stuck inside — even when breaking it up with walks and hikes — is taking a toll. And we’re only a couple weeks into this.
Mood Music:
The last three days I’ve experienced frequent waves of crankiness. I get more impatient with my family, scowl whenever blue skies give way to overcast ones and feel like my skeleton is trying to rip itself out from beneath skin that doesn’t seem to fit quite right.
The waves pass and then I’m fine, but it makes me wonder what I’ll be like after another two, three or five weeks of this.
I’m not depressed. Depression is unmistakable to me, removing most of my motivation and filling my skull with fog that leaves me unable to connect the dots. Instead I remain focused and driven. That’s despite being on a much lower dosage of antidepressants than I’ve had in years.
No, in a world that’s now anything but normal, I think what I’m feeling is … normal.
I mention this because some of you may also feel the walls closing in. Surely some of you are feeling grim. All the Facebook memes about how our grandparents suffered worse in the Great Depression and WWII won’t change what we feel.
And that’s OK. When the unease overtakes you, allow it. Then keep showing up — for family and friends, for work, for community.
Even if much of that has to be on a video screen or chat window for now.