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5 Reasons We Should Give Monica Lewinsky a Break

Monica Lewinsky is back in the news. Sixteen years after she became a household name for her relationship with then-President Bill Clinton, the former White House intern has decided to speak out in the latest issue of Vanity Fair.

Mood music:

You’ve heard about the blue dress, the oral sex in the Oval Office, the attempt by Republicans to impeach Clinton over the affair — specifically his attempts to cover it up. Lewinsky addresses those issues, writing:

Sure, my boss took advantage of me, but I will always remain firm on this point: it was a consensual relationship. Any “abuse” came in the aftermath, when I was made a scapegoat in order to protect his powerful position. … The Clinton administration, the special prosecutor’s minions, the political operatives on both sides of the aisle, and the media were able to brand me. And that brand stuck, in part because it was imbued with power.

With Lewinsky back in the spotlight, the jokes are sure to resume. She will once again be maligned for what she did. To those who will participate, I have a few words:

  • Sure, she was 24 at the time and maybe she was old enough to know better. But that’s still a young enough age to be intoxicated by presidential power. And not just any presidential power. Clinton’s a charming guy, and charm is sexual power.
  • Lewinsky is 40 now and has no doubt experienced a lot of growing up since 1998.
  • We’re all guilty of doing stupid things, and most of us get a chance to redeem ourselves. She deserves the same opportunity.
  • Sixteen years on, America has some serious problems resulting from two political parties hopelessly corrupted by money. We Americans have allowed it to get that way by our own apathy. Don’t you think there are more important things to worry about than what Lewinsky did as an impressionable, immature young woman?
  • If all your misdeeds — we all have them — became the stuff of public ridicule and press banter, you wouldn’t like it. In some cases, it would ruin you.

Move along, folks. Nothing more to see here.

Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky shake hands

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When Work Becomes Everything, This Happens

As someone who takes work very seriously, an article on LinkedIn by Jeff Haden really hit home. The man in his story had a life in which the personal and professional were so tightly wound that he lost all hope when the business ran into trouble.

For me, family and friends come first, and I know I’d have all the support in the world if I ever ran into trouble on the business side. But there was a time when all my self-worth was tied to work. That’s not good when you’re in an unstable industry like newspaper publishing.

This article captures the lesson I ultimately learned, with one caveat:  I never found myself in a situation as severe as what this unfortunate soul encountered.

 

“Why You Need to Go Home Early Today“

By Jeff Haden, ghostwriter, Speaker Inc., magazine columnist

woman crouched in depression

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10 Ways I Turned My Shitty Day Around

The other day I wrote about having a bad morning, and how I was looking for a positive plot twist. The day did get better. How it did is a good case study in learning to roll with the punches.

Mood music:

Sequence of events:

  1. I wrote that post to vent my spleen. That simple action went a long way in helping me feel better. Once I committed my frustrations to paper, so to speak, I succeeded in removing the toxins from my brain.
  2. I queued up a bunch of my favorite rock, metal and punk songs and played them all day as I worked.
  3. I managed to finish editing a compliance security document I want to make public for customers.
  4. I took a walk from my office to the Charles River, enjoying the spring air and the Boston skyline.
  5. I enjoyed free Mexican food the company gave out for Cinco de Mayo.
  6. I delighted in some new flavor juices for my vaping pipe.
  7. I found a radio station on iHeart Radio that proved perfect for the drive to get the kids from school.
  8. I played guitar for a good two hours, focusing on all the AC/DC and Black Sabbath riffs I’ve been learning, along with some original stuff.
  9. I read an inspiring Time magazine article on the construction of 1 World Trade Center from the ashes of Ground Zero.
  10. I got a cool science lesson from my neighbor, who was kind enough to come discuss her work at my children’s Scout meeting. The virus samples she passed around were a hit.

All in all, a day that promised to be shitty turned out pretty good — because I didn’t let the bad attitude linger.

Thank God for that.

Sunset at the Beach

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Was Overweight News Anchor Bullied?

Ever since I wrote that post on how people misuse the word bully I’ve been soul searching. I felt as though I had done the very thing I was being critical of, but couldn’t put my finger on exactly what.

Then I found this post from 2012.

I was angry that someone told an overweight news anchor she’s a bad role model for children. As someone who has had a lifelong struggle with weight, I seethed. I praised the anchor, Jennifer Livingston, for standing up to the guy on air.

I still hold a lot of the same feelings. There are a variety of reasons people struggle with weight, and while there’s a lot of obesity fueled by laziness and bad behavior out there, I know many overweight people — myself included — who are anything but lazy. I also believe being a good role model to children is about a lot more than appearance.

Looking back at the on-air editorial Livingston made, the whole tirade is framed around her standing up to her bully. She talks about an “attack that’s not OK,” something that shouldn’t be allowed.

But while he attacked her and that was wrong, was he really being a bully?

Let’s look at some definitions:

  • American Heritage Dictionary: “To force one’s way aggressively or by intimidation”
  • Oxford Dictionaries Online: “Use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants”
  • Merriam-Webster: “To intimidate by an overbearing swaggering demeanor or by threats”
  • Macmillan: “To frighten or hurt someone who is smaller or weaker than you”
  • Wikipedia: “The use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively impose domination over others. The behavior is often repeated and habitual. One essential prerequisite is the perception, by the bully or by others, of an imbalance of social or physical power.
  • Stopbullying.gov: “Unwanted, aggressive behavior among school-aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. … Bullying includes actions such as making threats, spreading rumors, attacking someone physically or verbally, and excluding someone from a group on purpose.”

A lot of dictionaries note that to be a bully, you have to repeat these actions over time. The writer definitely insulted Livingston. His wording bordered on cruel. She’s not out of line to feel attacked.

But, as far as we know, the guy hasn’t repeatedly contacted her to keep the insults going, to get her to do what he wants, which is to lose weight or get off camera. He merely stated his opinion and moved on.

He wrote to Livingston:

Surely you don’t consider yourself a suitable example for this community’s young people, girls in particular. Obesity is one of the worst choices a person can make and one of the most dangerous habits to maintain.

He makes narrow-minded judgements. But if we used that as a metric, we’d all be bullies.

If I were Livingston, I would have told him:

  • He doesn’t know me well enough to call my obesity a choice.
  • There’s more to being a role model than appearance. If appearance made the difference, Winston Churchill would have been denied his rightful, heroic place in history.
  • Overweight people often hate to see themselves on TV. Making a career in television despite appearance is a form of courage in itself.

But after reading all these definitions, I wouldn’t have called him a bully.

Watch the video and judge for yourselves.

Buford gives Baljeet a wedgie

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A Plot Twist to Cure a Bad Mood

This old bastard woke up angry this morning. For two hours, I’ve wanted to punch objects and shout at people. I’ve done neither, but I still suck to be around right now. The rest of the day need not be this way.

I keep thinking of a post I wrote a while back about life’s plot twists and the lessons therein. When problems arise, embrace them, I said at the time. Roll with the punches. Catch the curve balls. Clichés like that.

Mood music:

http://youtu.be/irskrVvKR1E

It’s good advice for someone like me, whose OCD makes schedule changes seem like calamities. But in that context, plot twists are all the inconvenient, annoying and bad things that throw the best-laid plans into turmoil. I woke up in turmoil, so I’m looking for some reverse plot twists: unexpected developments that convert a shitty day into an excellent one.

It’s happened before. There was the day a bad commute got under my skin and I thought the rest of the day would rot my soul. Then I found out I was getting a promotion and a raise.

There have been times when a movie I wanted to see was sold out and, though pissed, I got tickets for another film that turned out to be glorious.

There have been days I thought I’d crumble under the weight of an overpacked schedule. Then a series of cancellations made it all better.

It’s only 7:30 a.m. as I write this, so there’s plenty of time for this day to be salvaged.

Meantime, I’m going to sit in my cube, drink coffee and listen to The Stooges. Approach with caution.

Middle Finger Mushroom Cloud

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Luke Skywalker Has OCD (May The 4th Be With You, Too)

In honor of Star Wars Day, I share an observation about Luke Skywalker. The dude went through a lot in life, and I respected that. But there has always been something about him that gets on my fucking nerves.

Was it the way he whined like a baby after Darth Vader introduced himself as Luke’s Daddy?

Was it the way he utterly failed to stand up to Uncle Owen before the latter was blasted to a crisp along with Aunt Beru?

No.

Like most of the people I can’t stand, the problem is that I look at Luke and see my reflection…

funny_star_wars_pictures_20

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Zakk Wylde’s Fallen Heroes Tribute

Of all the great songs Black Label Society frontman Zakk Wylde has written, my favorite is “In This River.” Over time, it’s become a tribute to his close friend, Pantera guitarist Darrell Lance Abbott, more popularly known as Dimebag Darrell.

Dimebag Darrell was gunned down nearly a decade ago while onstage with his post-Pantera band, Damageplan. Wylde was one of his best friends, and I can feel the depth of his loss whenever I listen to the song.

Wylde performed “In This River” as a tribute to the “fallen heroes of the music community” at the Revolver Golden Gods Awards April 23, 2014, at the Nokia Theater in Los Angeles. It’s pretty moving, so I’m sharing it here.

http://youtu.be/J13PNAW4P5I

WyldeWeekend2

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Addicted to Accolades

Last year, David McCullough Jr. — longtime Wellesley High School English teacher and son of one of my favorite authors — gave a commencement speech in which he told graduates the hard truth: They’re not special.

Mood music:

You can see the whole speech here, but here’s a key passage for me:

In our unspoken but not so subtle Darwinian competition with one another — which springs, I think, from our fear of our own insignificance, a subset of our dread of mortality — we have of late, we Americans, to our detriment, come to love accolades more than genuine achievement. We have come to see them as the point — and we’re happy to compromise standards, or ignore reality, if we suspect that’s the quickest way, or only way, to have something to put on the mantelpiece, something to pose with, crow about, something with which to leverage ourselves into a better spot on the social totem pole.

I loved that speech, as did a lot of friends and colleagues. But an uncomfortable truth hit me: McCullough wasn’t just talking about the teenagers in caps and gowns. He was taking about us adults, too.

In this world of Twitter and Facebook, we’ve become addicted to accolades. Not every single one of us, but many of us, myself included.

I found myself thinking about it this week after watching some industry colleagues discuss the notion that our community has “too many rock stars and not enough session players,” in the words of Jack Daniel. In my opinion, Daniel is one of the biggest security rock stars out there.

There are a lot of rock stars in the security industry. Hell, every industry has ’em. I do not count myself among them. Not even close. People like Jack rose to that status by doing the hard work and having the balls to discuss difficult issues in front of crowds full of skeptics and cynics.

I know a lot of session players, too. They shun the limelight and prefer to tinker away in peace.

Though I don’t consider myself a star, I do love getting positive attention for work I’ve done. I’ll even admit I’m addicted to it.

Sure, I value negative feedback as a necessity for personal growth, but I also find it crushing sometimes. Not because it’s unfair, but because I have a big ego.

The bigger the ego, the harder the fall.

I love rock stars, in my industry and beyond. If I ever rate being one, I hope it’s because I did something important, not because I wanted such status. I trust y’all will help keep me honest.

The Book of Rock Stars book cover

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Account Theft: The Worst That Could Happen Wasn’t Much

Because I’m a security writer by profession, one of my biggest fears is that online thieves will suck my bank account dry. I’ve seen it happen to friends and family, and I know how violated they felt. I’ve written too many articles about people I don’t know being victimized.

So when it finally happened to me, I was surprised by my muted, almost calm response.

Mood music:

http://youtu.be/iJ3aVCvM0JY

When I signed in to the family account, I was perplexed to find a few hundred dollars less than I had budgeted. The second I called up the account activity, I knew.

Six transactions in a row, all from the same morning, for $50 apiece, going to Steampowered.com, a well-known entertainment and gaming site. No one in this house uses it, so it instantly raised my suspicion. A few years ago, before learning to cope with my demons, my response would have been panic and rage. I would have visions of the family living on the streets, destitute, with nowhere to go. I would entertain the idea of hunting down the thief and plunging a knife into their chest a few hundred times, and I’d be unable to focus on anything else.

Of course, I’d never actually attack someone that way, and family and friends would keep us off the streets if it really came to that, which it wouldn’t have.

But when the obsessed mind spins beyond control, the victim views all the worst-case scenarios as reality.

Here’s what actually happened:

  1. When I saw the suspicious activity, I called the bank.
  2. The bank immediately canceled my card and arranged to send me a new one.
  3. I went to the bank and went over the last month’s transactions with them in an effort to trace the point when someone successfully penetrated the account. I signed paperwork to get my stolen funds restored.

Within 20 minutes, I had done what was needed and went on with life.

I’m not perfect, by any means. I still entertained the idea of finding the thief and turning the tables. I still cussed up a storm for being inconvenienced.

But I’m grateful for the ability not to go over the rails as my younger self would have.

In recent years, particularly in moments like this, I’ve developed a game called “What’s the worst that can happen?” I’ll picture a bad scenario and play out the absolute worst things that could happen from there. In the end, the answer is usually not much. For this incident, the worst-case scenario was that the account would run dry and all the scheduled bill payments would fail. Then I would have been running up the credit card for handle current expenses.

Those thoughts fizzled pretty quickly, though. I knew the bank would replace the missing funds and I knew I was fortunate to have the resources to keep paying for expenses.

I also knew that I wasn’t a special snowflake. People are robbed this way every day. It’s become a fact of life and banking protocols have changed in response.

The worst that could happen? Nothing really, save for the inconvenience of a trip to the bank.

Before online banking, we all had to do that anyway.

Computer keyboard with a shadowed hand hovering over it

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Bullied by the Word “Bully”

Walk into any school these days and you’ll see anti-bullying posters everywhere. I’m happy to see it, because kids need to learn what it is and how to stand up for themselves. Unfortunately, they’re taking cues from grownups who don’t always know what they’re talking about.

Mood music:

http://youtu.be/d2rmScLelmE

I was reminded of this after reading a blog post from Brian Martin, A.K.A. Jericho, of attrition.org.

Martin got into a protracted debate recently with Elizabeth Weidman, mother of security practitioner Georgia Weidman. I’m not even going to attempt to piece together the string of comments that lead to the inevitable cry of bullying, but I’ll do my best to give you the gist: Georgia tweeted something Jericho disagreed with. Jericho responded. Georgia didn’t like the response. Then Elizabeth came to her daughter’s defense:

Is this really the InfoSec community you want? Stand up for what you want. Don’t let the bullies of InfoSec do this to people. Stand up to them. Support each other loudly. If you don’t, this is the InfoSec you get. Georgia’s gone to some pretty dark places out of inexperience, out of fear, and out of mistakes she admits were her own. She’s made it out, I hope, but what about other new people in InfoSec, other people going through a hard time? Is it going to take someone dying to make you see/care?

Which led to Jericho’s response, which focuses on misuse of the word bully.

If we can arbitrarily call it “bullying” solely based on one side’s perception, then we’re all equally guilty of bullying. If I call you a jerk, and you call me an ass in return, we are both potentially guilty of it. In reality, I think we can all agree that is a bit absurd.

I don’t always agree with Jericho, but in this case he has a point. There’s a lot of snark, sarcasm and hearty disagreement in the security community. It plays out on Twitter around the clock. And while people can be assholes at times, I don’t think they can be called bullies. Not as it’s described in multiple dictionaries at least. Jericho offers a few definitions in his post, and writes:

The words threat, force, and coercion appear more than once in the definitions above and are the crux of what bullying is about. Everyone who is now equating the term “bullying” with anything less than a malicious, sustained campaign of hatefulness with the intent of coercing/threatening is the worst sort of cowardice and dishonesty. They are doing a disservice to society and themselves.

I was bullied as a kid. I also did more than my fair share of bullying. It’s something I regret. But while people can be jerks on Twitter, I don’t think it comes close to bullying.

People disagree with me frequently, which I expect and appreciate as a blogger who throws a lot of strong opinions out there.

Recently, some friends strongly disagreed with my posts suggesting we be more civil in the security community. I disagreed back, and at times I got annoyed. But I never felt bullied. I was being disagreed with, not threatened or forced to take a certain position.

If we can’t get it straight as adults, the anti-bullying education we’re trying to give children will be for nothing.

John Boehner Crying