Posted on

After “I Am Adam Lanza’s Mother” Post, A Dramatic Turnaround

After the December 2012 Sandy Hook massacre, when 20 children and several educators were murdered by 20-year-old shooter Adam Lanza, a distressed mom wrote a blog post called “I Am Adam Lanza’s Mother.” The mental distress Lanza reportedly lived with was something Liza Long saw in her own son, Eric Walton.

Sunday morning I heard a report on NPR in which Long and Walton opened up about the turn their lives took after that blog post went viral. And it’s damn inspiring.

Mood music:

Walton, now 16, used to experience rages and suicidal thoughts, including a particularly brutal episode a couple days before the Sandy Hook massacre that left him hospitalized.

He says the start of his rages were like a blackout where he lost all control of his faculties. He had been given a series of misdiagnoses, but after his mom’s post went viral, mental health professionals and others came forward offering help. Eventually, he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.

“I got the correct diagnosis. I got put on the right medication. And I haven’t had a rage, I think, since that day,” Walton told NPR. “It’s funny, I don’t even keep track anymore.”

Asked how he views his disorder now, Walton told NPR, “I choose to think of it as my superpower. I’m really, really creative. I’m very empathetic. I have a lot of skills that teenagers don’t normally have: conflict resolution, mindfulness — just things I’ve had to pick up over the years because it kind of helped control myself before the right diagnosis.”

That tickled me, because I’ve been describing my own condition as a superpower when all the pieces are managed properly.

The full interview is available on the NPR website.

In the years since I learned how to control my OCD, depression, fear and anxiety, I’ve had my backslides, especially in the past year. I experienced a particularly pervasive bout of the depression in the fall of 2014. But I’ve always been able to find my way back into balance, so I know what Walton speaks of.

Getting sorted out is hard. But with the right support and motivation, it WILL be sorted out.

If you suffer from bipolar disorder or any torment of the mind, I hope stories like these will help you push forward.

Liza Long
Liza Long

 

Posted on

When Your Child Grows Up to Be a Monster

Like most people, the 2012 Sandy Hook Elementary School massacre cut me to the core. I blogged about it, trying to find a lesson for humanity. Having lost a sibling myself, I wrote an open letter to kids who lost a brother or sister, hoping to offer them something useful, if not comforting.

Mood music:

But I’ll be honest: I didn’t spend much time dwelling on the question of whether my children could ever grow up to do such a thing. Like most parents, I try hard not to consider such things. It’s too uncomfortable and implausible.

But after reading a New Yorker interview with Peter Lanza — father of killer Adam Lanza — I realize it’s an issue we can’t ignore.

The article has gotten a lot of attention from the mainstream media, and just about every headline captures a statement Peter makes deep in the interview: He wishes Adam had never been born.

That statement is all the more a kick to the gut because it comes after he describes a son who didn’t start out as a monster. In fact, Peter says, Adam started out as a “normal little weird kid.” He remembers playing LEGOs with his son and notes that he didn’t see things starting to go wrong with the boy until he was a teenager.

Since December 2012, Peter has had to live with the knowledge that his son murdered innocent children and educators. His last name has become poisonous, though he decided not to change it, determining that he can’t hide from what happened. Nor has he tried.

It goes to show how as a parent, you can invest heart and soul to ensure your children grow into forces for good. You can do everything right, in fact. And sometimes, that’s still not enough.

When I look at my offspring, I see two beautiful boys with hearts as big as the solar system. They are smart, caring and driven to overcome obstacles. Erin and I have put a lot of effort into making sure they turn out right, and we think we’re on the right track. Duncan is challenged with ADHD and mild autism, but he’s made huge progress in recent months. We’re very proud of him.

Staring at that picture, it’s inconceivable to me that they’d grow up to be anything less than awesome.

But Peter Lanza thought that once about his son.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not bracing myself to watch my kids go down dark, twisted paths. Most kids grow into good men and women despite a variety of obstacles. The dark seeds are few and far between.

But still, you never know, do you?

As parents, all we can do is take life one day at a time and embrace the precious present. All we can do is be the best parents we can be.

I’ll keep doing that, and I’ll pray hard for Peter Lanza. I hope the man can find some peace.

Adam Lanza

Posted on

Sandy Hook Lesson: Be the Change, One Soul at a Time

Like most of you, I’ve spent a good part of the weekend thinking about the lives lost at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut. We all want specific solutions that will prevent more of these tragedies, but what we’re dealing with is too big and too gray for that.

 

A lot of people are debating gun control. Some people think the world would be safer if every law-abiding citizen had a firearm. Others say they support the Second Amendment but that there’s no reason for anyone other than police and soldiers to have access to weapons that can fill a body with scores of bullets in the blink of an eye.

A lot of people are also debating what this tragedy says about how we should treat the mentally ill. Some people think the mentally ill should be locked away. Others cry out for better services and educational tactics to drive disturbed individuals away from the the path Adam Lanza took when he grabbed his mother’s guns, killed her and headed to Sandy Hook Elementary School, where he stole the lives of 20 precious children and six heroic adults who died saving the children who made it out alive.

Would stricter gun control prevent future massacres like this? I doubt it. Would giving every school principal a gun prevent it? I doubt that, too. I believe in the right of citizens to bear arms, but I don’t see how that makes it OK for people who aren’t soldiers or cops to carry handheld weapons of mass destruction. A hunting rifle for hunting and a handgun for self-defense when a home is invaded is one thing. High-powered rifles are something else entirely.

It shouldn’t come as a surprise that on the subject of mental illness, I agreed with those who said we need better treatment and counseling to reach troubled youths before they become murderers.

Maybe I’m biased because I was one of those troubled kids. People made fun of me in school and I could never seem to get the hang of sports and other things that might have made me more socially acceptable. There were times in my youth when I’d occasionally think of how sweet it would be to grab a rifle or a knife and tear into the bodies of those I felt were oppressing me. Luckily for me, there were enough positive influences in my life to make the difference.

I know one kid who has a lot of emotional issues and has been through every kind of therapy and drug treatment known to man. He’s doing well, but a paper-thin line separates the sweet side of his soul from the side that could send him on a rampage. The more positive influences he has now, the better.

As for those who suggest we simply lock up the mentally disturbed: who do you think qualifies for the cage? You’ll likely point to the troubled guy who walks down the street shouting obscenities at everyone he crosses paths with, but that doesn’t mesh well with the profiles of those who went on to shoot up schools and movie theaters. This latest gunman had no criminal record and was described as a fairly docile person by family and neighbors. Charles Manson’s most blood-thirsty followers were model students and athletes in high school.

At some point their minds became twisted and sick, but outward appearances wouldn’t have indicated that they should be locked up. That’s something else I have firsthand experience with. During some of the worst periods of mental illness in my life, I was able to put on a smile and calm exterior. I could function in society, but inside I was a time bomb.

You want an easy fix for this problem? You can’t have one. It doesn’t exist.

The answer is much more difficult but worth the effort: If you know a young man or woman who goes through periods of depression, rage or self-imposed isolation, someone who struggles to fit in, try to spend time with them. Show them love and kindness. Mentor them.

Doing so has a better chance of preventing the next school massacre than more or fewer guns. We can’t catch every troubled soul and turn them around. The task is simply too big for any of us to handle.

But if we can guide one or two of them, that’s huge.

Sandy