Addiction

Meet My Demon

by Bill Brenner April 13, 2010 Addiction

Why the author treats his demon like an imaginary friend, and how it helps. It won’t give up It wants me dead God damn that noise inside my head From today’s mood music, “The Becoming,” by Trent Reznor, Nine Inch Nails: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDfyR22u_gI&hl=en_US&fs=1&] At last night’s OA meeting, I saw quite a few people with heavy weights pressing on their minds. I won’t share details, because these meetings are all about anonymity. But it got me…  [Read More]

A Little Bitter

by Bill Brenner April 12, 2010 Addiction

The author on three of the 12 Steps he keeps tripping over. Mood music for this post: “A Little Bitter” by Alice in Chains: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3qpF9xUTT0&hl=en_US&fs=1&] Of the 12 Steps of Recovery, there are three  I keep tripping over: 8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. 9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or…  [Read More]

Pieces of Mind

by Bill Brenner April 11, 2010 For travelers

This happens every time I have a week of travel. By the time Sunday rolls around, I reach a point in the afternoon where I sit in the chair by the living room window as my brain cracks into pieces. I feel a buzz, even though I’m sober. I feel some bloat, even though my eating has been clean. Mood music: “Ace of Spades” by Motorhead: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxJwP0izGgc&hl=en_US&fs=1&] I feel like a wheel that’s spinning so…  [Read More]

The Priest Who Came Clean

by Bill Brenner April 11, 2010 Addiction

I’ve met many priests, some good and some not-so-good. People criticize priests because they’re athiests or they’re angry about the sex abuse scandal. Father Dennis Nason made a believer out of me by coming clean about his own sins. You would have to be sick in the head NOT to be outraged by the sex abuse, and especially of the cover-up. In the end, though, people forget that priests are human, with all the sin-making…  [Read More]

Lessons from ‘Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’

by Bill Brenner April 9, 2010 Addiction

Me and the kids are watching Tim Burton’s “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” for movie night. I like this version about as equally as the 1971 Gene Wilder classic, which we watched a few weeks ago. Mood music: [spotify:track:36znenHji82rUYJTgfkc4Z]   That viewing actually inspired me to write down a post. I’m rewriting it here, because I’m having the same reaction to the newer film as I did the old one… The author watched Willie Wonka…  [Read More]

Like Father, Like Son

by Bill Brenner April 7, 2010 Addiction

The author finds that OCD behavior runs strong among the men in his family. It’s been said that certain crosses run in the family. Addictive behavior. Depression. Yesterday my father had three long stents inserted into his leg. Apparently the entire leg was full of blockages. He eats compulsively, and this contributes to the problem. In 1998 he had quadruple bypass surgery, but the bad eating continued. He’s always been able to bolt down the…  [Read More]

The Short, Strange History of Skeptic Slang

by Bill Brenner April 6, 2010 Mental health

The author is tells the story of his 2 years as lead singer of a little-known band called Skeptic Slang. I avoided this for as long as I could. I don’t like to admit that I used to sing in a band. For one thing, my singing really sucked. For another, the band never went anywhere. But some pictures of me from around that time have been unearthed, and people are starting to talk. Here’s…  [Read More]

Red Bull Blues

by Bill Brenner April 5, 2010 Addiction

The author learns once again that when he puts one addiction down, he picks up another. I realized something awhile back. I guess I already knew, but this just made it crystal clear for me. I was at the airport, en route to Santa Clara, California. There was no Starbucks nearby. My other choices were Dunkin’ Donuts or coffee served at a breakfast place across the way. Certain that both choices would fall far short…  [Read More]

The Long Road Through Self-Hatred

by Bill Brenner March 13, 2010 Addiction

The author has learned that it’s damn hard to like yourself at the beginning of sobriety and abstinence. The feeling will pass. Eventually. Mood music: A friend and fellow 12-Stepper just hit a major milestone in her recovery: 90 days of abstinence. In the world of compulsive overeating, think of this as 90 days of back-to-back sobriety. She worked hard for this and has every reason to be bursting with joy. Yet she’s uneasy. She…  [Read More]

Portable Recovery

by Bill Brenner March 8, 2010 Addiction

Though addiction will follow the junkie anywhere in the world, the author has discovered that recovery is just as portable. Mood Music for this post: “Turn the Page” — the Metallica version: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOibtqWo6z4&hl=en_US&fs=1&] I’ve seen interview after interview where musicians describe their drug habits and how being on the road made them so much worse. One of the best examples was Motley Crue on the Girls Girls Girls tour, where the four band members’ addictions…  [Read More]

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