anxiety

I Don’t Dislike Mondays

by Bill Brenner June 2, 2014 Dealing with life

I used to fit the “I hate Monday” stereotype perfectly. In fact, that first day of the work week used to fill me with terror. I’d start to get depressed Saturday night because it meant the weekend was halfway done. I’d get so worked up on Sundays that I’d short circuit and sleep most of the afternoon away. Now I love Mondays. When someone complains about it, I laugh or roll my eyes, conveniently forgetting that…  [Read More]

It’s Not How Far You Have to Go, It’s How Far You’ve Come

by Bill Brenner May 28, 2014 Dealing with life

No matter how much we’ve grown, no matter how far we’ve come, we insist on beating ourselves over the strides we have yet to achieve. When it comes to self-loathing over one’s vulnerabilities, I’m about the best there is. But I’ve worked hard to break myself of that, because the truth is that I have come a long way since the days when I was owned by my OCD, anxiety, fears and dark impulses. Do…  [Read More]

Basil Fawlty Can Suck It

by Bill Brenner March 17, 2014 OCD

I know many fans of the old BBC show Fawlty Towers. People love to laugh at lead character Basil Fawlty, who’s perpetually unhinged, rude and ridiculous. Viewers can laugh at Basil’s expense and even feel a little grateful for not being that guy. But I have to confess that I despise the show. Mood music: When I watch an episode, I actually get stressed out. My anxiety goes through the roof every time Basil puts…  [Read More]

Death by Regimentation

by Bill Brenner January 30, 2014 Depression

I lead a pretty regimented life. I’ve gotten good at juggling multiple activities at once and sticking to carefully mapped out schedules. Regimens are good for me. I need specific plans for eating, exercise and career/family management. But I have to admit, all that regimentation is like a noose around my neck lately. Mood music: I recently reined in my eating plan and got back to exercising because my health was beginning to drift. I…  [Read More]

Downworthy: The Answer to All Those Stupid Headlines

by Bill Brenner January 27, 2014 Lighthearted

I loathe the link-bait bullshit that’s taken over my Facebook newsfeed. Upworthy. Opposing Views. Even The Huffington Post. They’re all guilty to varying degrees. Call me a snob, if you will. I was a journalist for 20 years, and I like my headlines straightforward and to the point. All I see these days is shit that goes something like, “Michael asked his mom for a Pepsi. What came next will blow your mind.” Mood music:…  [Read More]

Don’t Let Social Awkwardness Get You Down

by Bill Brenner January 22, 2014 Communication Skills

I’m a pretty public guy. I’ve given many public presentations about this blog and the security industry I work in. Blogging by itself means I’m putting myself out there every day. So, you would think I’d be comfortable in public by now. But sometimes I’m not. Mood music: I was reminded of this over the weekend, when I attended the ShmooCon hacker conference in Washington, DC. I got to see many friends and had a…  [Read More]

Fear of Déjà Vu

by Bill Brenner January 14, 2014 Fear and anxiety

Déjà vu, literally “already seen,” is the strong sensation that a current event has been experienced in the past, whether it has actually happened or not. When my OCD, anxiety and depression were at their worst, I used to constantly have bad thoughts. It usually involved people close to me dying. I forgot about it until it started happening again recently. Mood music: My mind used to spin so fast with worry that I would…  [Read More]

You Can’t Fight Depression with Unicorns and Rainbows

by Bill Brenner December 17, 2013 Adventures in writing

In recent days I’ve watched an interesting online discussion about depression and bipolar disorder. One one side is author and speaker Natasha Tracy, whose writing pulls no punches about the dark side of such maladies. On the other side is a blogger named Sarah Ryan. She believes the approach to addressing the subject should be uplifting and sunny. The truth is somewhere in between, in my opinion. But I must say that the sunshine part…  [Read More]

“A Christmas Story” Made It OK to Be Weird

by Bill Brenner December 10, 2013 Communication Skills

Sunday, I settled in with Erin and the kids for our annual viewing of A Christmas Story. Like everyone else, I have my 10-15 favorite lines: “It was… soap poisoning!” “Notafinga!” “You used up all the glue … on purpose!” But those lines, as much as I enjoy them, are not why I consider this movie so special. The main reason is that the movie made it OK to have strange thoughts. Mood video: When…  [Read More]

Therapist Shopping

by Bill Brenner October 31, 2013 Mental health

A few months ago my therapist retired and moved to warmer environs in the south. He said I was managing my OCD well and that I didn’t need therapy until the autumn. Mood music: That last appointment was in the spring, with the season’s increasingly long periods of daylight, the environment I function best in. Now it’s late October, with shorter days, and the seasonal issues are starting to kick in. Sunday I started getting…  [Read More]

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