The OCD Diaries

May 6, 2020May 6, 2020

Turning Her Child’s Art into Epic Expressions of Pandemic Life

My sister-in-law Sharane created the new blog header you see above. I asked her to do so after following the work she’s been doing during the lockdown.

Mood Music:

I’ve never seen anyone else do what Sharane does: turn drawings from my nephew into her own epic expressions of pandemic life.

I asked for some narratives describing the circumstances behind each piece, and she kindly obliged. This strange, new world is hard, and she truly nails it.

Panda-Emic

3/27/2020

This is the piece that restarted my drawing. As a mother of two, a full-time childcare worker and a part-time student, I rarely find time or energy to draw. That changed, like everything else.

We had just started quarantine and my everyday routine had come to a complete stop virtually overnight. No work, no school, no after-school activities. COVID-19 had begun to consume my days and would soon consume my nights. I stopped being able to sleep, riddled with the “what ifs” of the pandemic.

One afternoon, I was sitting down with my son drawing and drawing and drawing. I finally felt stress-free — focused on something other than the pandemic. He drew this one picture of the sun and moon battling each other while a third monster tried to suck up all their power. It expressed what I was feeling.

This piece represents how the pandemic had all at once devoured every hour of my day, my mind and my energy. Like the small black-and-white figures, it’s the small things and everyday people that are the true heroes in this battle.

Yeah, that could happen

3/30/2020

Half the inspiration for this came from some doodling I was doing with my son, the other half was me just wanting to draw a giraffe. His picture just screamed giraffe to me, so I screamed back, “Yes, I will draw a giraffe!”

Why a giraffe in a ski mask with technicolor, bear-like creatures latching onto its neck, you ask? If the world can shut down, then why not have a giraffe robbing people.

Crazier things have happened.

Techno Poppy

4/05/2020

This piece was inspired by my son’s artwork and my daughter’s spirit.

As a parent with children that live in an era where technology is ever-changing and all-consuming, I struggle at times to find balance. I grew up without easy access to the internet and computers. Most of my young life was in a cellphone-free world.

So I try to help my children strike a healthy balance between imaginary play and technology. This became more difficult with the early closing of schools and social distancing.

Robot-Sitter

4/13/2020

My son drew a robot trying to take over the world. In our new normal of social distancing and a quarantined mom, I related to that robot.

I found myself overnight being given a whole new list of job titles plastered on top of my already vast library of existing titles, mainly the all-consuming job of mom. Now I’m an elementary school teacher, camp counselor, fort architect, etc.

Sketch book

4/27–29/2020

I’ve had sketchbooks in the past but I rarely used them to their fullest and was more prone to doodling ideas on napkins and random pieces of paper. Ninety percent of my art up till this new wave of inspiration was mainly fine liner to paper with no plan, no pencil, no eraser. I would start with a circle or line and see where it would take me.

I always wanted to finish a sketchbook so I figured what better time than now?

Thanks, Sharane! Readers can follow Sharane’s daily drawings on Facebook and Instagram. Please do not repost Sharane’s images.

January 7, 2015

EddieTheYeti’s Images, My Words: Chapter 1

I’ve been releasing posts as part of a project where I put my feelings to images created by artist and infosec pro Eddie Mize, more popularly known as EddieTheYeti.

The project will continue indefinitely, but here’s a compilation of what’s been done so far. Think of it as chapter 1.

Mood music:

EddieTheYeti: Art as Mental Therapy

I sucked at a lot of things as a kid, but I could draw. It was the one thing that always got me compliments from people who otherwise ridiculed me. Those drawings were an exercise in emotion. A good example of that is the Paul Revere Owl of Rage I wrote about a while back. Writing eventually replaced drawing, though I’ve maintained a life-long appreciation for art that captures emotion. Which brings me to Eddie Mize, also known as EddieTheYeti.

An EddieTheYeti Christmas

Every year, I have trouble finding my Christmas spirit. I’ve written a lot about why that is, and 2014 was no different. But I feel like God is throwing me more clues than usual. One such clue came as I was reviewing some works from Eddie Mize.

Remorse? I Have It

Here’s the thing about remorse: You can’t change what’s in the past. You can let the memories rip you apart, or you can learn from the experiences and invest it in being a better person.

Turning Mental Disorder into a Superpower

Instead of fighting some mental disorders, such as OCD or ADHD, picture yourself accepting and even embracing them. Then learn to use your disorder to your advantage.

Why Can’t They Just Snap Out Of It?

For those who don’t experience or understand depression, it can be hard to understand the duration of someone’s melancholy and why, after a while, they can’t just snap out of it.

Forgiveness: Trash Removal for the Soul

Seeking and giving forgiveness is essential if you want to become a better person. But it’s hard and often seen as a green light for more abuse.

When Anger Was All The Rage

I had a vicious temper when I was younger. To call it a byproduct of OCD, depression and addiction would be pushing it, because I think the temper would have been there even without the mental illness.

Image drawn with Sharpie of man in suit with the top of head exploding
“Relief Valve” by EddieTheYeti

December 10, 2014July 28, 2015

Remorse? I Have It

Recently, I started exploring the feelings that EdditTheYeti’s art raises in me. On Monday, I focused on “Prayer” and “Pierced.” Today, I’ll look at “Remorse.”

Mood music:

http://youtu.be/-hkmxKA-rK4

“Remorse”

This picture was created with ink, wine, lime juice, coffee, tea, cola, soy sauce, hot sauce, and, as Eddie writes, a thought about what has passed. The creature in the picture hangs its head low, eyes too mired in the past to see the present.

Regrets? I have them.

Some people say they have none, but I never believe them. Even when life has worked out for the best, there are still those moments in life we would happily see erased.

Some of my biggest regrets:

That I didn’t see the full depth of a best friend’s depression until it was too late.
That I’ve been an asshole at certain points in my career, especially during the newspaper days.
That I couldn’t do more to end some family estrangements — impasses in which I was far from blameless.
That I didn’t get more time to learn from my older brother.
That I’ve fallen to addiction so many times.

But here’s the thing about regrets: You can’t change what’s in the past. You can let the memories rip you apart, or you can learn from the experiences and invest it in being a better person.

The beast eventually has to raise its head, refocus its eyes and move on. Otherwise, it will wither and die.

I chose the former to the latter long ago. The thing is, despite my regrets, I really wouldn’t change a thing. Those experiences made me the man I am today. And despite the flaws that remain, I like who I am.

December 8, 2014

An EddieTheYeti Christmas

Every year, I have trouble finding my Christmas spirit. I’ve written a lot about why that is, and this year is no different. But I feel like God is throwing me more clues than usual.

Mood music:

The first clue came from my wife. We were discussing my father’s ongoing health problems and I noted how that was contributing to what I see as the same old pattern of shitty things happening during the holidays.

Erin noted, rightly, that this season isn’t about having a constant warm glow in the belly and not having a care in the world. It’s about celebrating the second chance Christ’s birth gave humanity. A lot of people have a hard time with the concept and the faith, but it is what Erin and I believe. She’s just better at seeing it than I am this time of year.

The second clue came as I was reviewing some works from Eddie Mize, known in the infosec and art communities as EddieTheYeti. I recently vowed to do a series on his art and the feelings it stirs in me. My faith is a good place to start.

A disclaimer before I go further: My take on Eddie’s art won’t necessarily be the same as what he was thinking and feeling when making these works. We haven’t discussed religion, and I don’t know what his beliefs are. This exercise is about what his work brings out of me. The results may well be light years from what he intended.

Which brings me to two of his works.

“Prayer”

The look on the angel’s face is sad, not at all characteristic of an angel. I’ve carried that frown a lot lately, even I feel like the warm glow of Christmas should be shooting out from my fingertips. I still believe that if I keep Christ close everything will work out.

The angel reminds me that in the face of sadness and despair, there is always hope. I’m a flawed person, but Christ never gives up on me.

“Pierced”

For those who don’t believe, it’s a hard concept to wrap the head around: Christ allowing himself to be killed in one of the most brutal ways imaginable. Yet I believe that Christ suffered and died to give us all a second chance. It opened a path by which sinners could find redemption.

He saved us by sacrificing Himself. No matter how much I screw up, He has my back.

That will strike many of you as bat-shit crazy. I’m not going to debate the truth and science of it all. It’s what I believe, and I don’t have to defend it.

Eddie’s art has no warm, glowing Christmas tree lights. There’s no mistletoe, no Santa Clause and no chestnuts roasting on a fire. It’s bleak and dark. But it gives me more clarity about the purpose of the season than any Rockwell painting could.