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A Back-Breaking Plot Twist

Awhile back, I wrote about learning to roll with the unexpected punches life hurls at you. I called those occasions plot twists. Yesterday I got one hell of a plot twist, and at first I had trouble following my own advice.

Mood music:

The back injury I wrote about yesterday is much worse than I thought. I went to the chiropractor, figuring he’d fix me and I’d be on my way, even though I’d reached the point where I couldn’t do anything without waves of agony coursing through me. After trying to get me to lift my feet and get off the table unassisted, the chiropractor — who loathes the idea of people taking pain killers for their back — ordered me to do just that.

I went to my primary care doctor, who confirmed the extent of my injury and put me on Vicodin, Flexeril and my old enemy, Prednisone. (Expect a follow-up post on how I deal with being back on that drug, which I like to refer to as Satan’s Tic Tacs.)

Now I have to spend the next several days on the couch, except for daily visits to the chiropractor. My family has to pick up all the tasks I usually do, which I find upsetting. I had to postpone some video shoots at work that I’ve been throwing my soul into preparing. The week isn’t going to go as planned.

So how do I deal with this plot twist?

My wife and boss made the first party easy for me. They both ordered me to scrub work for the week, and assured me that postponing my project wasn’t the end of the world.

The drugs are already helping in that I can be a bit more comfortable, even if I hate taking them.

And I’m getting a lot of kind words from friends and family, which always lifts the spirits.

So I’m going away for a few days. But I’ll be back, in full force.

Be good to yourselves and each other while I’m on the sidelines.

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I Forgot About Back Pain Depression

After eight years of life without any significant back pain, I’d forgotten how threatening an injury can be to one’s mental health.

This past week and a half, I’ve gotten all too clear of a reminder.

Mood music:

A couple Fridays ago, I twisted my tailbone out of joint while plugging in a power cord. It has never the heavy lifting for me that’s caused injury; it’s always been the quick, careless movements.

I spent that first weekend out of commission, but my spirits were good because I figured all would be better by Monday. Then I got to Monday and the pain seemed worse. A visit to the chiropractor had me feeling much better. Then, on Tuesday, I drove 90 minutes north for a camping trip. I’ve been walking crooked and slow ever since.

Saturday night, wave after wave of spasms kept me awake and in agony.

As I write this I’m back home and feeling a bit better about my ability to address the pain. I have another chiropractor appointment today, and I suspect I’ll be going for follow-up visits for the rest of the week before I’m back to normal.

I have to admit: My attitude has tanked because of all this.

Erin and the kids have had to pick up all the chores I usually do, which makes me feel badly. The biggest torment for me is a feeling of uselessness, and I’ve been pretty useless, though I’m very grateful to Erin and the children for picking up the slack without complaint.

I’ve been more short-tempered with people than usual, and that makes me feel badly, too.

The build-up of bad feelings inevitably leads to depression for me, and here it is. I’m not feeling doomed, and I’m sure as hell not feeling hopeless. I know this too shall pass, and the experience reminds me of how lucky I am to have full mobility most of the time.

When I can’t get off a couch, bed or chair, I can’t help but think of people who are permanently disabled. I can’t help but feel for my father, who has been left partially blind and in need of a walker after a series of strokes and heart attacks.

I’ll get to the chiropractor and get this fixed. I’ll also resume routine appointments to keep the back in check.

The black cloud currently over my head will lift.

But I’m reminded of how fragile the body and spirit can be. I’m sure I’ll appreciate the reminder in the long run.

For now, I’m just ready to get past this.

Skeleton with lower back pain highlighted