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Was Overweight News Anchor Bullied?

Ever since I wrote that post on how people misuse the word bully I’ve been soul searching. I felt as though I had done the very thing I was being critical of, but couldn’t put my finger on exactly what.

Then I found this post from 2012.

I was angry that someone told an overweight news anchor she’s a bad role model for children. As someone who has had a lifelong struggle with weight, I seethed. I praised the anchor, Jennifer Livingston, for standing up to the guy on air.

I still hold a lot of the same feelings. There are a variety of reasons people struggle with weight, and while there’s a lot of obesity fueled by laziness and bad behavior out there, I know many overweight people — myself included — who are anything but lazy. I also believe being a good role model to children is about a lot more than appearance.

Looking back at the on-air editorial Livingston made, the whole tirade is framed around her standing up to her bully. She talks about an “attack that’s not OK,” something that shouldn’t be allowed.

But while he attacked her and that was wrong, was he really being a bully?

Let’s look at some definitions:

  • American Heritage Dictionary: “To force one’s way aggressively or by intimidation”
  • Oxford Dictionaries Online: “Use superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants”
  • Merriam-Webster: “To intimidate by an overbearing swaggering demeanor or by threats”
  • Macmillan: “To frighten or hurt someone who is smaller or weaker than you”
  • Wikipedia: “The use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively impose domination over others. The behavior is often repeated and habitual. One essential prerequisite is the perception, by the bully or by others, of an imbalance of social or physical power.
  • Stopbullying.gov: “Unwanted, aggressive behavior among school-aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. … Bullying includes actions such as making threats, spreading rumors, attacking someone physically or verbally, and excluding someone from a group on purpose.”

A lot of dictionaries note that to be a bully, you have to repeat these actions over time. The writer definitely insulted Livingston. His wording bordered on cruel. She’s not out of line to feel attacked.

But, as far as we know, the guy hasn’t repeatedly contacted her to keep the insults going, to get her to do what he wants, which is to lose weight or get off camera. He merely stated his opinion and moved on.

He wrote to Livingston:

Surely you don’t consider yourself a suitable example for this community’s young people, girls in particular. Obesity is one of the worst choices a person can make and one of the most dangerous habits to maintain.

He makes narrow-minded judgements. But if we used that as a metric, we’d all be bullies.

If I were Livingston, I would have told him:

  • He doesn’t know me well enough to call my obesity a choice.
  • There’s more to being a role model than appearance. If appearance made the difference, Winston Churchill would have been denied his rightful, heroic place in history.
  • Overweight people often hate to see themselves on TV. Making a career in television despite appearance is a form of courage in itself.

But after reading all these definitions, I wouldn’t have called him a bully.

Watch the video and judge for yourselves.

Buford gives Baljeet a wedgie

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Bullied by the Word “Bully”

Walk into any school these days and you’ll see anti-bullying posters everywhere. I’m happy to see it, because kids need to learn what it is and how to stand up for themselves. Unfortunately, they’re taking cues from grownups who don’t always know what they’re talking about.

Mood music:

http://youtu.be/d2rmScLelmE

I was reminded of this after reading a blog post from Brian Martin, A.K.A. Jericho, of attrition.org.

Martin got into a protracted debate recently with Elizabeth Weidman, mother of security practitioner Georgia Weidman. I’m not even going to attempt to piece together the string of comments that lead to the inevitable cry of bullying, but I’ll do my best to give you the gist: Georgia tweeted something Jericho disagreed with. Jericho responded. Georgia didn’t like the response. Then Elizabeth came to her daughter’s defense:

Is this really the InfoSec community you want? Stand up for what you want. Don’t let the bullies of InfoSec do this to people. Stand up to them. Support each other loudly. If you don’t, this is the InfoSec you get. Georgia’s gone to some pretty dark places out of inexperience, out of fear, and out of mistakes she admits were her own. She’s made it out, I hope, but what about other new people in InfoSec, other people going through a hard time? Is it going to take someone dying to make you see/care?

Which led to Jericho’s response, which focuses on misuse of the word bully.

If we can arbitrarily call it “bullying” solely based on one side’s perception, then we’re all equally guilty of bullying. If I call you a jerk, and you call me an ass in return, we are both potentially guilty of it. In reality, I think we can all agree that is a bit absurd.

I don’t always agree with Jericho, but in this case he has a point. There’s a lot of snark, sarcasm and hearty disagreement in the security community. It plays out on Twitter around the clock. And while people can be assholes at times, I don’t think they can be called bullies. Not as it’s described in multiple dictionaries at least. Jericho offers a few definitions in his post, and writes:

The words threat, force, and coercion appear more than once in the definitions above and are the crux of what bullying is about. Everyone who is now equating the term “bullying” with anything less than a malicious, sustained campaign of hatefulness with the intent of coercing/threatening is the worst sort of cowardice and dishonesty. They are doing a disservice to society and themselves.

I was bullied as a kid. I also did more than my fair share of bullying. It’s something I regret. But while people can be jerks on Twitter, I don’t think it comes close to bullying.

People disagree with me frequently, which I expect and appreciate as a blogger who throws a lot of strong opinions out there.

Recently, some friends strongly disagreed with my posts suggesting we be more civil in the security community. I disagreed back, and at times I got annoyed. But I never felt bullied. I was being disagreed with, not threatened or forced to take a certain position.

If we can’t get it straight as adults, the anti-bullying education we’re trying to give children will be for nothing.

John Boehner Crying

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Christian Brochure: “Being Gay Is Bad, Like Overeating”

Some days it’s not easy being a Christian soldier. When my comrades talk in a way that makes sense, it’s all well and good. But when they say stupid things, such as being gay is bad — like bullying and overeating — my faith is tested.

Mood music:

[spotify:track:55jSlIKD8CoP3uTIXlJdGa]

Fortunately for me, I learned a long time ago not to base my faith on the social politics of mere mortals, including those with leadership positions in the Catholic Church and elsewhere. If a priest says something I find hateful and out of line or is run out of town for spending church funds on porn, I remember that we all fail every day, and that the most important thing is one’s relationship with Christ and Christ alone.

Today’s tirade comes after seeing a brochure from Mission: America’s Linda Harvey that lumps being gay with being a bully or a glutton. Harvey’s new guide on how to talk to kids about homosexuality states that, among other things, “it’s not right to tell someone that being homosexual is okay. The person may be feeling sad because of being bullied, but never try to make him or her feel better by saying ‘gay’ is okay.”

She builds on this ridiculousness by comparing homosexuality to overeating: “Kids who are overweight are sometimes bullied, too. And we might want to make that person feel better. But it would be a mistake to say that overeating is a good thing, right?”

One of the major tenets of Christianity I try — and often fail — to observe is to not judge others. “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven,” says the Bible (Luke 6:37).

And yet, when it comes to the issue of homosexuality, all church leaders ever seem to do is pass judgement. They tell us that being gay is a lifestyle choice. They tell us that being gay is among the worst of all sins. I have several relatives who are gay, and I can tell you this: Not one of them woke up one morning and decided they’d be gay because it seemed like a cool lifestyle choice. Several gay friends and family fought their homosexuality, turning to drugs and suicide attempts. They eventually realized they are good people who have much to offer their fellow human beings. They pay their taxes, love their relatives, friends and community, and do God’s work every day in a variety of ways:

They help feed the poor.

They teach children to be kind to each other.

They take on jobs with massive responsibility and rise to the occasion.

They do things Jesus would approve of. They also do things Jesus would frown upon. But don’t we all? And Jesus still loves us all, no matter our failings.

I hope Harvey learns to stop judging people she doesn’t know. Telling children to judge others is un-Christian and contrary to what Harvey says she believes. Telling children it’s bad to be gay, even when it’s far beyond the individual’s control, is irresponsible. Telling them it’s OK to dislike a person because they aren’t like you is telling them it’s OK to judge people without having all the facts.

That’s the recipe from which a lot of bullying rises up.

PHOTO: Mission: America was founded in 1995 by Linda Harvey.

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Was She Bullied, or Did the Truth Cut Too Deep?

A good friend disliked yesterday’s post, “The Fat Lady Sang, And It Was Beautiful.” His main criticism was that I centered it on my own weight battles, which I traced back to Crohn’s Disease, Prednisone and addiction.

Mood music:

[spotify:track:1DH4YwHHGBkWO8dX3JISjl]

Livingston, a morning anchor at WKBT in La Crosse, Wisconsin, went on air after getting an email that read in part:

Surely you don’t consider yourself a suitable example for this community’s young people, girls in particular. Obesity is one of the worst choices a person can make and one of the most dangerous habits to maintain.

After reading the email she received, Livingston then took her critic apart, noting that he doesn’t know her well enough to pass judgement. She also accused him of bullying her. I applauded her for doing this because I felt her critic wrongly assumed she and other overweight people simply made a choice to be obese. My argument was that weight trouble can come from a variety of factors and that this guy was out of line.

My friend felt my response was based on assumptions and that framing my complaint in the context of my past issues with Prednisone and Crohn’s Disease didn’t jibe with the news woman’s situation. “Does the anchor woman share those same issues?” he asked. If she doesn’t and her obesity is simply a matter of her not taking care of herself, he said, my comments were off the mark.

“I also have issues with those that view the original comment as bullying,” my friend continued. “Some view things through the eyes of responsibility. Others just want to place blame and make excuses.”

For all we know, Jennifer Livingston falls into the latter camp, he said, concluding, “What you wrote is representative of not having all the facts.”

I agree that many people make excuses for being overweight and that their real problem is laziness and gluttony. There’s a joke making the rounds where a fat guy tells his doctor, “The problem is obesity runs in my family.” The doctor responds, “No, the problem is that no one in your family runs.”

When someone lets their body go to crap because they don’t feel like doing what’s good for them, they are being bad role models, especially when it comes to their children and how they’re allowed to develop the same bad habits. I took one such parent to task for that a while back in “When Parents Fail.”

Unfortunately, a lot of people who work hard to be good role models and take care of themselves end up overweight anyway. One friend of mine gained a lot of weight because he developed a foot infection that left him unable to do much physical activity.

As for Livingston, I don’t know why she’s overweight, and I don’t care. These days, a lot of people are hired to anchor news shows because they look like supermodels. That Livingston was able to break through that and succeed in the industry speaks volumes. TV media is a cut-throat field and you don’t succeed unless you work your ass off. As far as I’m concerned, that’s an example of a good role model.

Livingston is also a good role model for showing that you don’t have to be someone else’s idea of perfect to be on TV or to do a job. It’s not just men who come in all shapes and sizes. Society says that women must be skinny to an unhealthy degree and look perfect. She’s not perfect, but that doesn’t mean everything she does is wasted.

Actually, I don’t think perfect role models exist. People do big things and overcome obstacles in ways that inspire others to do better. But they make big mistakes along the way. It’s called being human.

Finally, let’s look at Livingston’s use of the word bully. That’s what she called Kenneth Krause, the man who sent her the email. To me, a bully taunts you with names, making sure everyone in the vicinity can hear it, and makes threats. Krause did none of these things. He called her a bad role model for being obese and called it a choice. Obviously, I disagree.

This guy was mean, superior, judgmental, disrespectful, and prejudiced. He doesn’t think fat people should be on the air.

Fuck that.

But was Krause a bully? He didn’t threaten her or call her names in earshot of others, which is how I picture the act of bullying. I don’t think he’s a bully per se. But consider these definitions Erin (my wife and editor) found:

The American Heritage Dictionary defines a bully as “a person who is habitually cruel or overbearing, especially to smaller or weaker people.”

The fact that Krause only wrote in once probably doesn’t fit, but he was cruel and overbearing, especially to someone he thought was weaker. And he never apologized, saying instead that she should follow his advice.

More important, though, to bully, says AHD, is “to treat in an overbearing or intimidating manner”; “to make (one’s way) aggressively.” Krause did treat her in an overbearing way and he was aggressive about trying to get his own way: that she lose weight.

No matter where Livingston’s weight problems come from, what Krause did was wrong.

Disagree if you wish. But that’s my position.

Jennifer Livingston