Depression

Scenes from the Airport

by Bill Brenner April 8, 2010 For travelers

The author finds airport amusement where he once found hell. Here’s what happens. Mood music for this post: “Learn to Fly” by Foo Fighters: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1VQ_3sBZEm0&hl=en_US&fs=1&] I sit here at 6:23 a.m. San Francisco time, sitting at the gate for a flight home in an hour. Considering what I just passed through, I got here pretty quickly and calmly. Let’s back up. When I got here, the TSA line was as long as I’ve ever seen….  [Read More]

Like Father, Like Son

by Bill Brenner April 7, 2010 Addiction

The author finds that OCD behavior runs strong among the men in his family. It’s been said that certain crosses run in the family. Addictive behavior. Depression. Yesterday my father had three long stents inserted into his leg. Apparently the entire leg was full of blockages. He eats compulsively, and this contributes to the problem. In 1998 he had quadruple bypass surgery, but the bad eating continued. He’s always been able to bolt down the…  [Read More]

The Short, Strange History of Skeptic Slang

by Bill Brenner April 6, 2010 Mental health

The author is tells the story of his 2 years as lead singer of a little-known band called Skeptic Slang. I avoided this for as long as I could. I don’t like to admit that I used to sing in a band. For one thing, my singing really sucked. For another, the band never went anywhere. But some pictures of me from around that time have been unearthed, and people are starting to talk. Here’s…  [Read More]

A Suicide

by Bill Brenner March 18, 2010 Coping tools

The author’s message to some people mourning a friend’s suicide. He’s been there, so maybe these words will help. Mood music for this post: “Murder in the City,” by the Avett Brothers: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aE7rkSELM3I&hl=en_US&fs=1&] Some acquaintances in the information security community are currently dealing with something I know about all too well — a friend taking their own life. I don’t know these people very well, and I never met the woman they are now grieving…  [Read More]

5 Songs to Play When Angry

by Bill Brenner March 14, 2010 Music therapy

OK, so I’m not in the best mood this morning. Daylight-savings-time is messing with me, as are the kids. The rain that’s been pelting the windows all night disturbed my sleep, as did my getting sent to the couch for snoring too loud. None of it can really be attributed to OCD behavior. This is simply life, and the mood will pass after I’ve been to Church and we’re buried under blankets this afternoon watching…  [Read More]

The Long Road Through Self-Hatred

by Bill Brenner March 13, 2010 Addiction

The author has learned that it’s damn hard to like yourself at the beginning of sobriety and abstinence. The feeling will pass. Eventually. Mood music: A friend and fellow 12-Stepper just hit a major milestone in her recovery: 90 days of abstinence. In the world of compulsive overeating, think of this as 90 days of back-to-back sobriety. She worked hard for this and has every reason to be bursting with joy. Yet she’s uneasy. She…  [Read More]

Portable Recovery

by Bill Brenner March 8, 2010 Addiction

Though addiction will follow the junkie anywhere in the world, the author has discovered that recovery is just as portable. Mood Music for this post: “Turn the Page” — the Metallica version: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOibtqWo6z4&hl=en_US&fs=1&] I’ve seen interview after interview where musicians describe their drug habits and how being on the road made them so much worse. One of the best examples was Motley Crue on the Girls Girls Girls tour, where the four band members’ addictions…  [Read More]

Outing Myself

by Bill Brenner February 22, 2010 Adventures in writing

The author on why he chose to “out” himself despite what other people might think. Mood music: [spotify:track:1Qdnvn4XlmZANCVy3XjrQo] A couple friends have asked why I “outed myself” in this blog. Wasn’t I afraid people would blackball me at work? Don’t I worry that I’ll be defined by my struggle with OCD above all else? It’s a fair question. First, let’s get the notion of “courage” and “bravery” off the table. Some have used those words…  [Read More]

Another Reason Addiction-Depression Stinks

by Bill Brenner February 20, 2010 Addiction

I’ve mentioned before that one of the inspirations for this blog was a book called “The Heroin Diaries” by Nixxi Sixx, bass player and lyricist for Motley Crue. It’s a book of diary entries he wrote from late 1986 to late 1987, at the time the “Girls Girls Girls” album was recorded and the band toured the world to support it. At the time, he was in the tight clutches of a heroin addiction that…  [Read More]

Addicted to Feeling Good: A Love-Hate Story

by Bill Brenner February 17, 2010 Addiction

Every now and then, it’s useful to look back at who I used to be so I can appreciate who I am today. I do it partly to laugh at how — in many ways, despite the progress I’ve made — I can still be as stupid in adulthood as I was 20-plus years ago. As I write this we’re halfway through Lent — a time to sacrifice habits you love — or, in my case,…  [Read More]

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