Depression

Laughing off the Emotionally Scarring Back Stories

by Bill Brenner November 25, 2014 Lighthearted

When I first opened up about events that scarred me for life, I worried about how it would be perceived. Would I be seen as a whiny, attention-seeking weakling? The reaction was almost entirely the opposite, which has helped me look at my own challenges with better humor. In all the conversations with people that followed the launch of The OCD Diaries, it’s become plain that most of us have an emotionally scarring back story….  [Read More]

Depressed Minds, Not Beaten Souls

by Bill Brenner November 18, 2014 Suicide

In 2011, I was sobered by a report in USA Today that said 1 in 100 adults had planned their suicide in the year leading up to the article —  a statistic that didn’t surprise me, knowing what I do about depression. Mood music: I’ve suffered a lot of depression in my day. I’m experiencing it right now. While I’ve never seriously considered ending it, I can easily see how someone in that state of mind could head in…  [Read More]

The Beauty in the Wreck

by Bill Brenner November 3, 2014 Dealing with life

Kelly Lum (a.k.a., @aloria) has been an acquaintance for nearly four years, though I wouldn’t say we’re close friends. We’re both part of the information security community and bump into each other at the occasional conference. When we do talk, we find one thing in common. A life-long struggle with depression. Mood music: I’ve been open about it in this blog. She’s been open about it in her social media postings. Last week, she published an…  [Read More]

Dissecting EddieTheYeti

by Bill Brenner October 28, 2014 Coping tools

A few months ago I told you about an artist from the security community named Eddie Mize, a.k.a. EddieTheYeti. I identified with his use of artistic expression as a way to cope with inner demons. Since then, we’ve gotten to know each other better. Mood music: I’ve used his art to illustrate several posts in this blog. At DEF CON in August, his art exhibit was one of the more popular attractions, and he kindly…  [Read More]

Trying to Make Peace with Prednisone

by Bill Brenner September 2, 2014 Dealing with life

I’ve been on Prednisone for five days now, and the side effects are kicking in. My appetite has gone from zero to 100, and my moodiness is considerable. Mood music: But the drug is doing its work, easing my back pain from shooting, piercing spasms to a more manageable dull ache. Now I remember why they used to put me on this shit for Crohn’s Disease. When it comes to putting the freeze on inflamed…  [Read More]

A (Small) Defense of Shepard Smith

by Bill Brenner August 14, 2014 News

A lot of people are incensed with Fox News anchor Shepard Smith, who suggested Robin Williams was a coward for killing himself this week. My first instinct was to call him out for being an idiot, an enabler of insensitive motormouths uninterested in learning about how depression really ticks. But I’m going to take the road less expected. I’m going to defend the guy a little bit. Mood music: First, let me clarify three things: I…  [Read More]

Lower Your Expectations

by Bill Brenner June 5, 2014 Coping tools

Occasionally, my kids get all kinds of upset when their high hopes for something don’t go as expected. A good example is the disappointment Duncan felt when it was too chilly to go in the campground pool Memorial Day weekend. He remembered one campout last year when he got to swim for hours, and to him, that was an important ingredient for an awesome weekend. He got over it and still had a good time….  [Read More]

I Don’t Dislike Mondays

by Bill Brenner June 2, 2014 Dealing with life

I used to fit the “I hate Monday” stereotype perfectly. In fact, that first day of the work week used to fill me with terror. I’d start to get depressed Saturday night because it meant the weekend was halfway done. I’d get so worked up on Sundays that I’d short circuit and sleep most of the afternoon away. Now I love Mondays. When someone complains about it, I laugh or roll my eyes, conveniently forgetting that…  [Read More]

It’s Not How Far You Have to Go, It’s How Far You’ve Come

by Bill Brenner May 28, 2014 Dealing with life

No matter how much we’ve grown, no matter how far we’ve come, we insist on beating ourselves over the strides we have yet to achieve. When it comes to self-loathing over one’s vulnerabilities, I’m about the best there is. But I’ve worked hard to break myself of that, because the truth is that I have come a long way since the days when I was owned by my OCD, anxiety, fears and dark impulses. Do…  [Read More]

Binge Eating, Heroin Overdoses and Suicide

by Bill Brenner May 14, 2014 Uncategorized

My first full-time reporting gig was for The Stoneham Sun newspaper, part of what was then Community Newspaper Company. (It’s now Gatehouse Media.) It was a fun job, giving me a priceless education in local politics, public safety and criminal court proceedings. But in some ways, it was the darkest year of my 20s. Mood music: It was a year of vicious binge eating, 80-hour workweeks for little money, depression, anxiety and the suicide of my best…  [Read More]

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