Depression

The Burden of Being Upright

by Bill Brenner May 13, 2013 Compulsive behaviors

A couple facts about the last few months: I made it through the winter more mentally intact than I have in a long time. I also went through a lot of uncertainty over the future of my career, which exhausted me enough to behave in spring as I normally do in winter: scattered, aloof and depressed. Things have actually turned out well. I got the job I coveted the most after fielding a couple other…  [Read More]

Yeah, This Is EXACTLY What Depression Is Like

by Bill Brenner May 10, 2013 Depression

I’ve long been a fan of the blog Hyperbole and a Half, in which the author expresses herself through a combination of words and art. After a long hiatus, she returned this week with a post called “Depression Part 2.” Having experienced more than my fair share of depression along the way, I can tell you that she nails what it’s like. In fact, I don’t think I’ve seen it explained so clearly. Enough from…  [Read More]

The Worst Abuse of All

by Bill Brenner April 8, 2013 Fear and anxiety

I’m taking a lot of abuse lately, the kind that leaves me mentally tired and physically aching. It’s not abuse from family, work colleagues or law enforcement, however. I’m doing it to myself. Mood music: [spotify:track:4emCyQ2KnNU16c02l4ToPP] In the past, I’d binge myself sick in times of uncertainty, but these days the abuse takes other forms: I allow myself to get lost in the deep weeds of worry. The kicker is that I’m not worried about…  [Read More]

Control Freak-Out

by Bill Brenner April 5, 2013 Mental disorders

OCD sometimes makes me feel adrift even when things are going well. I’m feeling it a lot these days and this post, originally written in 2010, captures the malady well. Mood music: [spotify:track:44sz0rNbTA687rs9CYi0IN] There’s another byproduct of OCD that I’ve described indirectly before, but never head on. A byproduct for my own special blend of dysfunction, that is. Sometimes, no matter how well things are going — and no matter how good my mood is…  [Read More]

Human Tourniquets And Freaks Who Love Them

by Bill Brenner March 29, 2013 Communication Skills

I originally wrote this three years ago. Looking at it again, it’s an important post describing a time when not even best friends were safe from my insanity. I’ve updated it for the present.  Mood music: [spotify:track:2YGwSRjcY4Hjz6fktW9619] You know the type. They hang  out with people who act more like abusive spouses than friends. They are human tourniquets. They absorb the pain of their tormentor daily and without complaint. This is the story of the…  [Read More]

I Forgot to Trust God, Now I’m Paying for It

by Bill Brenner March 21, 2013 Faith

I got out of bed this morning after another rotten sleep and it hit me: I’ve been having trouble sleeping through the night and controlling daytime anxiety because I’m in one of my classic control freak-outs, in which I get depressed because I am anxious about everything and want to control it all. In other words, I’ve been stewing over things beyond my control and forgetting to put my trust in God. Mood music: [spotify:track:7v0mtl6oInUtHOmTk2b0gC] Big,…  [Read More]

In the Cold Spring, Whine Flows Freely

by Bill Brenner March 20, 2013 Depression

Fellow New Englanders are pissing and moaning about the latest blanket of snow we received yesterday. Today is the first day of spring, but it looks and feels like January. Nothing is more discouraging and depressing, especially if those with depression feel it the worst in winter. I know this as fact because I’m one of those people. Mood music: [spotify:track:6DfC1aCH6TanpsEwewNn0m] It’s been said that New England is particularly defiant in the weather department. We…  [Read More]

‘Help’ Might Be the Best Four-Letter Word Out There

by Bill Brenner March 6, 2013 Mental health

A topic I’ve visited often here is the shame people feel in asking for help. When we do so, we think we’re being weak, selfish and all-around pathetic. But, as I’ve said, that’s bullshit. Another blogger made the point so eloquently this week that it must be shared. Mood music: Jennifer Pastiloff is a writer, retreat leader and yogi with a popular blog called The Manifest-Station. Monday, at the very end of “Bitch Slap It,”…  [Read More]

Mindy McCready and the ‘Celebrity Rehab’ Curse

by Bill Brenner February 19, 2013 Addiction

CNN doesn’t say so directly, but in its follow-up coverage of country singer Mindy McCready’s death, it suggests that those who appear on Celebrity Rehab are cursed. Mood music: [spotify:track:1mvEbRAlocvkJvqZIj3zHu] The report notes that McCready is the fifth Celebrity Rehab alum to die in the last two years. She follows former Alice In Chains bassist Mike Starr, Real World cast member Joey Kovar, Grease actor Jeff Conaway and Rodney King, who had been beaten by police in 1991, to the grave. McCready’s…  [Read More]

The Information Technology Burnout Project

by Bill Brenner February 11, 2013 Depression

The Information Technology Burnout Project, created by friends in the security community, addresses something most of us experience at one point or another: work-induced depression. Mood music: The website is only part of the project. Project members have also held panel discussions about job stress and burnout at various security conferences across the United States. During those discussions, people have been open about the depression, despair and hopelessness they’ve traveled through in the face of…  [Read More]

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