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When Sarcasm Is Mistaken as a Cry for Help

A couple weeks back I caused a bit of a stir on Facebook with this comment:

Many times this past year, I’ve questioned how the hell it is that I’m still sober, given all the dramatic challenges I’ve faced. Today is one of those days.

I got a ton of comments from people offering advice, sympathy and everything in between. I was partly grateful because it showed a lot of people give a shit about me. But the thing is, I wasn’t really in need of it.

Therein lies one of the tricky parts of being on Facebook: Sometimes you make a comment that doesn’t warrant much analysis, but people take it as something different entirely.

Mood music:

That day, it seemed like everyone I talked to was suffering from various levels of butthurt. So I made that comment.

It was partly in jest, kind of like the dude in Airplane who picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue. But part of it was also amazement that some of the past year’s pressures hasn’t driven me back to the bottle. It was something for me to be proud of, not bucked up for.

The pressure I speak of is unfinished family business that landed on me since my father’s death last year.

I’ve mostly gotten control of it all, and thankfully none of it has affected my workmanship in my real job. At this point, there’s no chance of that happening. I’ve been through the worst of it and have that part of my life in its proper box. The me of 12 years ago would have broken, and I see the past year as a measure of how far I’ve come.

But there are still days where I would like to swing a sturdy bat around in frustration. That doesn’t mean I’m ready to fall off the wagon. It just means I’m like all of you:

I have happy fun days and I have irritating days.

Thanks to everyone for the concern. But don’t worry about me.

“Bugs Bunny Nervous Break Down” by spongefox on DeviantArt
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The Beauty in the Wreck

Kelly Lum (a.k.a., @aloria) has been an acquaintance for nearly four years, though I wouldn’t say we’re close friends. We’re both part of the information security community and bump into each other at the occasional conference. When we do talk, we find one thing in common.

A life-long struggle with depression.

Mood music:

I’ve been open about it in this blog. She’s been open about it in her social media postings.

Last week, she published an article in which she gives the fullest account yet of her struggles. Specifically, she writes about how finding beauty in abandoned, decayed places helped her find an appreciation and even a love for her inner demons.

As one of our common connections said online, if this were the first chapter of a book, I wouldn’t put it down.

I long ago learned to find the best parts of myself from within the mental disorder. By accepting OCD and depression as part of what makes me tick instead of a contagion that needed to be destroyed, I found my way forward in the world. I’ve found beauty and grace in the struggle. It’s a blessing to reach that realization. I’m glad Kelly has reached that place, too.

It doesn’t end the pain, but it brings purpose to it.

Thanks for sharing, Kelly, and Godspeed.

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