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Do You Even Exercise, Bro?

I used to exercise a lot. In my teens, I’d spend an hour a day on a beat-up rowing machine. In my 20s, I’d hit the gym seven days a week to use the elliptical cross-trainer machines. And in my early 30s, I’d walk 3.5 miles a day, no matter the weather.

At some point I stopped.

Mood music:

I don’t have a good reason why I stopped exercising. I told myself that I was becoming obsessive about exercise, but I’m pretty sure I was bullshitting myself.

I did manage to keep my weight down through diet alone for a few years, using the standard Overeaters Anonymous food plan of no flour and no sugar and weighing out all my food.

I still try to live by that food plan, but along the way I’ve grown inconsistent. I’ve slowly determined that the full OA experience isn’t for me. I particularly soured on the idea of having sponsors who dictate my every culinary move. Giving other people that much control over me hasn’t worked in the long run.

I used those feelings as an excuse to get sloppy and have only hurt myself as a result.

I slipped on old addictive impulses last year, and I have the weight gain to prove it. Prednisone didn’t help, but I used that as an excuse for months after I stopped taking it.

In any event, I currently feel like a disgusting mess. I don’t care about being thin. I do care about getting winded every time I climb stairs.

I didn’t wait for the New Year to start fighting back. I refocused on careful eating in November. And a couple weeks ago, after determining that diet was no longer enough, I started working out again on a cheap elliptical machine I bought last year.

I want to tell you I’m enjoying it, that I can’t go a day without a workout. I especially want to do so because I have so many friends who passionately post about their marathon running, weight lifting and Brazilian jiujitsu sessions. But the truth is I don’t enjoy it, and I never have. It bores me, frankly.

But it’s necessary, so onward I go.

My mission is to be consistent: to use the machine for 40 or so minutes as least five days a week and to supplement it with walking.

As I relearn the discipline of exercise, I thank God for music. When I put on some Black Label Society, Pantera or Thin Lizzy, I’m able to go on autopilot and plow ahead.

I have the added motivation of knowing that I’m very similar to my father. Like him, I’m a life-long overeater. He’s now bedridden and in failing health. If I don’t change my ways, I’ll meet a similar fate.

I respect my more athletic friends more than ever. The joy you get from your chosen method of training is something I aspire to. I don’t know if I’ll ever get there, but I will get healthier. And I’ll have you to thank for leading the way.

Arnold Schwarzenegger lifting weights

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Chris Christie’s Obesity Isn’t the Issue

This morning I caught MSNBC’s Morning Joe, which was looking at N.J. governor Chris Christie’s obesity and whether it makes him unqualified to be president someday.

Mood music:

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I’ve struggled with obesity in the past. Some of the struggle was the result of being on Prednisone, which stretched my appetite to horrific levels. I would work out to try to control the weight gain, but it wouldn’t last long. I have friends who are far more disciplined with their workout regimens than I could ever be. They tend to hold the belief that there are few legitimate excuses for being fat, that most of the typically given reasons are the talk of lazy people who need to grow a set of balls.

Most of my struggle, though, was because I was a binge eater who lusted after junk food as an alcoholic does vodka and whiskey. Eventually I had to quit flour and sugar to deal with the problem.

My personal experience makes me prickly toward those who criticize someone’s weight problem. I don’t see the subject as black and white. In my own case, there have been periods where my weight ballooned because I was simply stuffing myself with junk all the time. But there have been other times when the complications of Crohn’s Disease, a bad back and other maladies forced me to derail my fitness program.

Let’s look at the governor for a moment: That he’s obese is not debatable. Pictures of him standing next to a fit President Obama in the aftermath of Superstorm Sandy are almost freakish looking, though when you put a fat person next to a thin one, the watcher’s perception is knocked off balance. Do I think he’d live longer if he lost weight? Sure.

But I don’t believe for a second that people should judge a candidate on his or her girth.

Being overweight comes with health risks, but so does being underweight. The diseased and incapacitated come in all shapes and sizes, as do the more sturdy among us. The dumbest and smartest among us are fat, thin and in-between.

We’ve had presidents who were obese. William Howard Taft and Grover Cleveland come to mind. History has handed both men a mixed assessment. We’ve had physically fit presidents with mixed records, too. George W. Bush was and still is a fitness fanatic. JFK looked glamorous and healthy, but he was sick most of his life and landed on death’s doorstep more than once before he was president. Addison’s disease gave his skin an odd, bronze color that he managed to pass off as a healthy tan. Then there was Teddy Roosevelt, who was both an athlete and advocate of “the strenuous life” but was also a glutton with some serious girth. Despite his health problems, including the weight and serious childhood asthma, he managed to do pretty much everything and carved a lasting legacy.

The point is that a person’s physical appearance and imperfect health should not disqualify them from anything, including public service.

I admire and am inspired by friends who have lost weight after embracing intense workout regimens. They also happen to have razor-sharp minds. But I don’t know if I’d vote for them if they ran for the White House.

I’ve accomplished much during periods of obesity and have failed during times of top physical form, when I would walk four miles a day no matter how dangerous the weather was at the time. I’ve also had successes as a thinner guy and failures as a fat guy.

We tend to oversimplify things when the talk turns to weight. We do so at our peril.

Christie

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Starting Over

In a lot of ways, I feel like I’ve been starting everything over this past week. Not in big, drastic ways, but in little ways that will hopefully add up to something good.

Mood music:

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There’s the afternoon tea I’ve been drinking instead of Red Bull and more coffee. There’s the meditation and yoga. And there’s the significant tightening of my food plan.

What’s the reason for all this?

I attribute some of it to the mindfulness-based stress reduction course I’m taking. I’m not sure it’s gotten me to the point of a sharper attention span and ability to live every minute in the moment, but the tools I’m learning are designed to get me there eventually.

The food clean-up is more about getting back on the horse after months adrift in the Overeater’s Anonymous wilderness. I never slipped back into the pattern of binge eating, but I was certainly getting sloppy. I was using way too much cheese for protein. On the last shopping trip I stocked up on salmon to use instead. Erin asked if this was my latest obsession. It’s really just me getting back to basics. I still haven’t returned to the OA meetings or gotten a sponsor, but one thing at a time.

My return to guitar playing has definitely been a factor. When I play I’m right in the moment, where I should be. I realized I play better when drinking tea than when drinking coffee. The chords are steadier and cleaner when I’m not on coffee overload. Another example of one good habit leading to another.

It’s fitting that all this is happening in the autumn. It’s usually the time of year when my mood and grip on life start to slip. Making changes this time of the year is turning out to be a powerful thing.

It’s also fitting because autumn four years ago was when I first decided my worst addictions had to stop owning me. That’s when I kicked flour and sugar and started weighing out my food. A year later I was done with alcohol.

Temptations still come and go. But the key is to take it a day at a time and get back on the horse when you fall off.

That’s what I’m learning, anyway. Hopefully, all of this will continue.

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